


Unrequited

by Taterz_Tots



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Accidental overdose, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Comfort, Confessions, Crush, F/M, Fooling Around, Friendship, Hurt, Implied Cheating, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, More tags to be added, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love, long distance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2018-09-28 02:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 60,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10066793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taterz_Tots/pseuds/Taterz_Tots
Summary: When Mark doesnt reciprocate his feelings right away, Seán decides he needs to move on and perhaps see other people. That could help, right?Someone is Unrequited, it just might not be who you think it is.





	1. Wash My Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now ordinarily I wouldn't give up  
> I'm no quitter but under the circumstance  
> I think it's better that I wash my hands of ya, Love ya  
> But I'm thinking that I can't live with ya."  
>  **~Keri Hilson - Hurts Me~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my first fic in a very long time. The story will focus on Jacksepticeye, aka, Seán "Jack" McLoughlin. He will always be referred as Seán on the narration, but as Jack by friends. This will be a slow-build(ish) story. Also, this takes place further along 2017. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
>  **EDIT:** As of Wednesday 08/30/17, this chapter has been re-written. Not much has changed.

**PROLOGUE**

Seán sits crisscrossed in the middle of his bed, holding onto his naked feet, as he lightly swayed side to side. He had found a spot on the floor to concentrate on, to avoid making eye contact with Signe, his now ex-girlfriend, as she finishes packing her stuff up.

The unexpectedly loud sound of a zipper being pulled snaps his attention back to the Dane.

She picks up the now closed suitcase up from the floor, shooting Seán a sad smile. “I will let you know if I need to come back for anything I might have forgotten”.

“You don’t have to leave,” Seán tells her, now standing up by the edge of the bed, a few steps away from her. “We can work something out”.

Signe closes the distance between them and places a hand on his cheek, “I’ve tried, Seán, I’ve tried to make us work for so long, I can’t anymore. It’s just been too overwhelming”.

He held her hand on his face, trying to keep the warm touch there just a little longer, and nodded.

He hated to admit it, but she was right. He loved Signe, he truly did, but even before she came into his life, there was already someone else in his heart. It was the same reason why his previous girlfriend had also broken up with him.

Signe gives him a quick kiss on the lips, a soft little kiss that still managed to send shivers down his spine.

“I love you”

She smiles, “I know”, and then she was out the door.

Seán stays unmoved as he hears her go down the stairs and then the front door open and close. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to walk forward.

His steps are heavy, almost like he was using his feet for the very first time.

He makes his way down the stairs and into the kitchen, staring at the locked front door. He absentmindedly picks up the keys Signe left on the counter and puts them in his pocket.

He takes another big breath, defeated, and decides to do the only thing he knows will definitely make him feel better, even if it was only for a little while.

In front of his computer, in his office, Seán pushes a few buttons on the keyboard and adjusts his equipment, making sure everything is working in order.

He loads a Steam game he had found a few days before and clears his throat before hitting record.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, this one is short but it's kinda of an introduction. I will try to update this every Friday!


	2. Wonderwall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There are many things that I would  
> Like to say to you  
> But I don't know how"  
>  **~Oasis - Wonderwall~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it to chapter 2!! THANK YOU! To clarify any doubts before we actually get them, this chapter takes place somewhere around August 2017, after Jack's trip to LA (for D23). ENJOY!
> 
>  **EDIT:** as of Wednesday 08/30/17 this chapter has been re-written. Some things have changed.

_“Dude, no! You are not staying in a hotel! For how long? Two weeks? Hell, no”._

_“Right right, I’ll just find a nearby bench to sleep on, then.”_

_“No, you doof! You’ll stay with me, at my house, in the guest room.”_

_“Mark, no. I can’t do that. Yeh guys will be working and I’ll just feel like I’m in the way the whole time.”_

_“Shut up, you idiot, I have decided it will be as so, and nothing you say will make me change my mind.”_

_“Alright then, whatever. I'm gonna need yer exact address then.”_

_“For what?”_

_“To get to yer house from the airport, dumbass.”_

_“Oh my God! Are you stupid? Don’t answer that; of course, you are. I will pick you up from the airport, and I will bring you to my house and you will sleep in my bed… not like that, shut up.”_

Mark smiled to himself, as he remembered the conversation with the green haired man. He remembered how good it made him feel to hear his friend laugh as they playfully insulted each other, as they usually did. But he still couldn’t shake the feeling that Seán was hiding something from him.

Mark was surprised when Seán told him, just a few days before, he wanted to visit LA again, for no apparent reason but that he “needed a break from the rain”.

They had seen each other barely a month ago, it had only been for a few days, but he didn't seem as bad then. It wasn’t until they all went back to their respective homes that Mark had started to see some changes in his friend’s mood. And then, the breakup.

He scrolled through his Twitter, for a few more minutes, before realizing the time and jumping up from his seat. Seán had said his flight would be arriving by 9 AM LA time, which was why Mark had arrived a whole hour earlier to the airport, not trying to get too comfortable with the time and then ending up stuck in the horrible LA traffic.

But as he scanned the place he learned that he had done exactly that, get too comfortable. It was now 9:45 AM and he couldn’t find Seán anywhere.

“OH, MY GAWD! IS THAT _THE_ MARKIPLIER”

Mark jumps back, turning around to face what he assumed would be a fan. Instead, he’s greeted by teal hair and bright blue eyes.

Seán laughs before being smack on the arm and pulled into a hug.

Mark held him awkwardly against his chest, with his left hand pressing on Seán’s back and his right hand petting his head as a three-year-old child would to a new pet (very roughly, but lovingly). “JACK! I am so sorry buddy, you must have been so scared of all the tall people and I wasn’t around to help you out, my tiny little leprechaun man”

“Fuck off” Seán laughed pushing him away.

Mark grins as he let’s go of the Irishman, bending down to pick up Seán’s duffel bag in one hand, waving off the complaints, and then proceeded to pull the rolling suitcase, leaving him only with the backpack on his back.

“So, what’s the plan fer today?” Seán asks as they make their way out of the airport and into Mark’s car. He tries to sound as excited as he feels but jet lag is already kicking his arse. He tries suppressing a yawn and fails.

Mark laughs, “a nap, maybe.”

“Sleep is fer the weak” Seán grinned and then proceeded to yawn again “fock.”

“You’re weak my friend” Mark pushed his shoulder, playfully.

They settle in comfortable silence for a little bit, while Mark drives, then Seán asks again, managing to not yawn this time.

“I have to go to the office for a little bit,” Mark explains, “but I think the Grumps wanted to take you out for dinner.”

Seán’s eyes widen in surprise, grinning excitedly “hell yeah! …will yeh be there too?”

“hell yeah” Mark copies, matching his excitement, “me and the gang, we all missed you.”

“Right, the gang” Seán smiles falters a little bit, “I miss them too”

**∧∨**

Seán was exhausted, of course, he had lost practically a whole day traveling through time zones. He tried his best to stay awake and alerted, though -Keyword; tried-.

He was seated on a huge bean bag on the floor, Chica by his side happy to have some attention while her Hooman and his friends worked on their computers.

Mark was busy for a while, but when he finally finished, Seán had fallen asleep; his head back and mouth slightly agape in a quiet snore, his right arm hanging off the side of the seat just above Chica’s head.

_He looks adorable_

Mark frowns, that was… yeah, maybe don’t think things like that. He walks to him and shake him slightly. “hey, dude”

Seán groans but opens his eyes slowly, smiling brightly when he sees the half-Korean in front of him.

“sorry, man, I know you’re tired…”

“it’s fine,” he waves him off, yawning, and fixing his askew glasses. “how long was I out fer?”

“Just about two hours”

He sits up right and offers his arms to be helped up, Mark smirks and hooks his arms under his and pulls him, gaining a squeak and giggles from the smaller man.

He stretches once Mark lets him, raising his arms high above his head, making his t-shirt ride up exposing skin. He can feel them watching and blushes as he brings his arms back down to his sides.

He clears his throat and Mark’s eyes shoot up, “you were asleep for two hours”

Seán smirks, “So I’ve been told”

“Right,” he nods, “We should take your stuff to the house now, I’m done here for today”

“ok” and he fidgets with the hem of his shirt because Amy is staring at them.

These were going to be the longest two weeks of his life.

**∧∨**

They make it to Mark’s house in, unlike before, uncomfortable silence. Mark helps him with his bag up the stairs and leaves him to get settled.

Seán drops on the bed, staring at the ceiling. This is going to be hard.

He was being an idiot, this would never work.

And how the fuck did he forget about Amy.

This was definitely not going to work.


	3. Like a Magnet Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We push and pull  
> like a magnet do"  
>  **~Ed Sheeran - Shape of You~**
> 
> More of the song down in the chappy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Better late than never, right? If I felt like posting at noon last time was late, I'm really late now posting at 8 pm. lol. Anyway sorry for the time, was busy adulting today... This chapter is a continuation of Chapter 2, it's still the first day of Jack being in LA. ENJOY!!
> 
>  **EDIT:** As of Wednesday 08/30/17, this chapter has been re-written. Not much has changed.

Dinner with the Grumps ends up being just what Seán needs to relax.

They spent the whole time goofing off and laughing, remembering past antics and then laughing even more. It feels great to finally be able to be silly, in person and in public, with good friends while not being judged for the stupid things that came out of his mouth.

Well, not being judged by the people currently at the table, because the rest of the restaurants WAS judging; they were being so loud!

None of them seemed to care, though, and considering they hadn’t been kicked out yet, they continued to enjoy themselves, unbothered.

Around 11 PM someone mentions heading back to their respective houses. Mark notices Seán’s disappointed face, but they had been there for the past 4 hours and the restaurant would be closing soon.

So, he suggests going someplace else for a few drinks.

The gang - _his gang_ \- declines the offer, reminding Mark they still had to go to the office to work the next morning. And then the Grump girls, who came up with the lame excuse of feeling outnumbered by all the testosterone and insisted they were too tired to keep going anyway.

**∧∨**

Somehow Seán had talked them into going to a club. Said he was too hyper to just sit down and talk some more, he had done enough of that at dinner, now he wanted to dance.

And dance he did. He danced by himself, he danced with some girls, he even danced with Danny! Nobody could say he wasn’t enjoying himself!

Maybe a little too much.

Mark watched the Irishman like a hawk, sipping on yet another bottle of water, not being able to have a proper drink because of his inefficiency to process alcohol.

The green tuft drops down on a chair next to him, grinning, and Mark can’t help but return the gesture. 

Another round of shots is served to those able to take them and Seán is the first one to throw his head back practically inhaling the warm drink. A cocktail waitress comes by then, setting a Jack and Coke in front of the Irishman, she leans and points two tables down as she whispers in his ear, he follows her finger and raises the new drink on that direction.

A man, seemingly younger than them, at the other table stands then and makes his way to their tables. Seán turns, smirking, to Mark “I got an admirer”.

Before Mark can voice his concern on everything that could and probably will go wrong at that moment, the man was standing in front of them.

“Hi, handsome”

“Hello… yeh” Seán was way too drunk, “thanks fer the drink, it’s my favorite”

“Oh, I know, Jack”

Seán put the drink down, now glaring at the stranger, “that’s not creepy”

He laughed, “I know who you guys are, I’m a fan”

It was still creepy, Mark thought.

“I saw your green hair and I instantly knew it was you, it’s so cool to meet you guys”

Seán opened his mouth to talk but the “fan” interrupted

“I’m Jay” he introduced himself, “I saw you dancing all over the place, thought maybe I could dance with you next?”

“Look, Jason, I’m assuming it’s Jason, right” the Irishman's words were beginning to slur, “I appreciate the drink, but I’m not interested in… yeh”

“not interested?” he tilts his head to the side, “is it because I’m a man?” Seán shakes his head. “Oh, it’s my sexuality then?”

The green haired man frowns, “ye’re gay? Honestly, I couldn’t tell and, don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t give a fock either”

Mark tenses then. This is definitely not going to end well, he can feel it.

“Ye're not…” Seán continues, gesturing with his hand as he gives the man a once over, “ye're not my type”.

Jason laughs, shaking his head, “ok”, he snagged the glass cup out of Seán’s hand and swung it at his face. “fuck you, then”

Mark and pretty much the rest of the guys at the table had stood up defensively, but the sound of Seán's laugh made them stop in their track.

“yeh wish!” He yelled at the storming fan, still laughing.

“The fuck!”

Seán pulled Mark back down to his seat and invited the others to do the same. 

“Relax, it’s just alcohol, nothing to it”

“Jack, that was not 'nothing',” Dan explained, “he tried to hurt you”

“Which is why I declined”

“Maybe it’s time to go home now” Arin suggests

“Nooo” he whined

“Yes Seán, we’re leaving” Mark was furious, he noted as he had used his given name, which he never did.

He pouted for a second, then drunkenly grinned, “Ok”

“Ok?”

“Yeah” he nodded, “we can go… but yeh have to do something fer me first”

“Seán…”

He was standing up now, arms extended invitingly, “dance with me, Maerk!”

“Sit back down, loser, we’re not dancing”

“I guess, we’re not leaving then”

Mark sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, the whole situation giving him a bigger headache than all the music and noise combined. “Are you trying to start something?”

Seán pouts, “no”

He sighs again but stands up this time, letting himself be dragged to the dance floor. “Jack, I can’t dance”

“Yes, yeh can, I’ve seen yeh,” he smiled, holding both of his hands now “close yer eyes”

Mark just stared

“Close yer eyes please, it’ll help yeh feel the rhythm better” Mark blinked, “yeh stubborn mother fucker, close yer fucking eyes!”

He laughs and does as told this time

“Good boy”, Seán lets go of his hands and Mark opens one eye to stare at the man. Seán was no longer paying attention to him, though, but more to where his hands were now positioned on each side of his hip. He gave a little tug, “just, feel it”.

Mark smiles, and closes his eye again, “ _'just feel it’_ he says”.

A new song had begun and he started to move his hips to the rhythm, as Seán had instructed. He felt him dancing in front of him, _with him_.

 _“Come on follow my lead, I might be crazy don’t mind me”_

It’s his boy Ed Sheeran, Mark knows this song. Seán lets go of Mark for a second, making him open his eyes again.

Seán has his back to him now, swaying his hips against his crotch.

_“Say, boy, let’s not talk too much, grab on my waist and put that body on me,”_

Mark found himself doing as the lyrics instructed.

Seán’s hands snake up to his neck and his fingers tangle in the raven hair. 

This isn’t right.

As if sensing the tension on the other man, Seán turns so they are face to face again. Taking a few steps back he continues dancing, not breaking eye contact while keeping his distance.

He tries taking a single step forward. Mark watches with no response. He takes another step and rests a hand on his shoulder. Again, no response. He lifts his other hand and places it on his chest, over his heart. Mark moves then, holding the hand down to his side instead.

The slightly shorter man nodded, “got it”.

They continued dancing this way, staring into each other’s eyes, until the song was over.

They stare each other down and Seán smiles, “we can go now”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eeeeek!!!! what do you guys think??? I really like this one, hope you guys do too.


	4. You Are My Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's like I'm speechless  
> And I can't speak cause you took the words from me  
> You are my weakness  
> You're sweeter than a Cinnabon"  
>  **~Neon Hitch - Gold~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **EDIT:** as of Thursday 08/31/17 this chapter has been re-written. A LOT has changed.
> 
> I feel like the twitter argument did absolutely nothing to the story so I just, removed it. I know the start of this story, specifically this chapter, was all over the place. Hope this does a better job of explaining what's going on.

Mark laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was 6:35 AM and he hadn’t been able to sleep for any longer than 10 minutes at a time.

For some reason, Seán dancing up against him kept popping in his head.

He turns to the digital clock on his nightstand again, 6:42 AM now. His alarm will start beeping soon telling him to get out of bed and start his day.

Dragging his feet across the tile floor, he makes his way out of his room, and down to the kitchen.

He puts fresh coffee and water in the coffee maker and decides to check his twitter while the machine begins making the drink.

Not bothering to check his notifications, he scrolls down for a little bit, stopping at a picture posted the night before by none other than _the_ @Jack_Septic_Eye.

He remembers the Irishman standing at the far end of the table at the restaurant, smiling as big as he could, to take the picture.

Their followers are so happy he’s in LA with friends, and of course, the Septiplier fans were losing their shit seeing Mark also in the picture with him. 

And Mark is also happy his friend is here. Despite the stupid thoughts running through his brain every time he’s near the Irishman, Jack seems in a better mood than he has been in a while and Mark likes this Jack better than grumpy Jack.

"I like catching yeh like this" and Irish tilt says behind him and Mark turns, raising an eyebrow. “Ye’re all head in the clouds, silly smile on yer lips, it’s cute”

“cute?”

“Yeah,” Jack smirks, getting his own cup of coffee, “ye’re cute, Mark”

Mark allows himself to look at the man, really look at him, now that he’s busy with his back to him. 

Jack is wearing a pair of gray sweatpants, riding so low on his hips you can see his boxer briefs when he stretches up to the taller cabinets, his plain white shirt riding up showing off his well-defined curves, and something stirs up in Mark’s stomach.

“don’t stare too much,” he hears that voice again, “yeh might like what yeh see”

“Who said I don’t already”, and he didn’t mean to say… stupid brain.

“ye’re girlfriend, perhaps,” Jack says in a low voice, cheeks painted red.

Mark nods, hiding his own blush in his cup of coffee.

They’re quiet then, Mark makes breakfast for them and Jack helps set the table.

“Mark,” Jack pushes around at his scrambled eggs, “can I tell yeh something?”

Mark nods because, thank God, the silence is killing him, “yeah, of course, what’s up?”

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”

Mark thinks about it, but only for a second, “no”

Jack chuckles to himself, “neither did she”

Mark furrows his eyebrows. Was Jack cheating? Is that why he and Signe broke up? “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugs, and they fall into silence again. They finish breakfast and go to their respective rooms, to change and start the day.

Mark has just finished pulling a new shirt over his torso when there’s a knock on his door. “It’s open” 

Jack walks in, head bowed low. “Can we talk?”

Mark smiles, and sits on the edge of his bed, patting the spot next to him for Jack to take.

He sits, bending a leg up, hugging it to his chest.

Mark watches, quietly, giving him time. Clearly, whatever is going on with the Irishman is not easy, but Mark wants to help, as much as he can.

“You know you can tell me anything, right Seán?”

The green-haired man buries his face on his arms and knee, blushing, “ye’re gonna hate me, I know it” he mumbles into them.

“Hey”, Mark bumps their shoulders together, playfully, “I could never hate you, ok? Tell me”

Jack nods, and lifts his head to look at the half-Korean, he sniffs and clears his eyes of unshed tears. “I’m… Mark, I think I’m bi”

“bi?”

He nods, “bisexual… I like women, but... I like men too”

Mark huffs a little laugh, “and you thought I was gonna hate you for that? Jack, come on, you know me better than that.”

“That’s not it” he admits, burying his face again.

“There’s more?”

Jack nods, and even though his face is hiding again, Mark can hear exactly what he says.

“I like you, Mark”

_“oh”_


	5. Lost and Found and Lost Yet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How long has it been like this  
> Lost and found and lost yet again  
> Here in the heat of a stolen kiss  
> I make my home"  
>  **~Robert Plant - A Stolen Kiss~**
> 
> beautiful song, btw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This one is a short one! Hope everyone is enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!
> 
>  **EDIT:** as of Thursday 08/31/17 this chapter has been re-written. A few things have changed.

Things have been quiet between Mark and Seán for the past day and a half since a certain confession left the Irishman’s lips and landed in the half-Korean's ears.

They did talk, it would be weird if they had just stopped all communication completely, but they never talked about the things said that day in Mark’s room.

It was probably Seán’s fault. He had stood and left as soon as he said the words, not giving Mark a chance to rebuke.

And Mark didn’t.

Mark didn’t say a single word other than, “oh”, which scared Seán even more.

They were still “best friends” though, and they had already made plans to pick their friends at the airport _together_.

So here they are, the two of them in an elevator, alone.

It’s an old elevator, and a red switch on the wall with the buttons catches Seán attention. The metal doors creaked closed, and he smaller of the two just flips the switch.

The elevator made a screeching sound and abruptly stopped, Mark glared at the Irishman, “what the hell are you doing?”.

Seán stands in front of the wall, blocking Mark’s attempt to flip the switch back up and turn the elevator on again. It’s now or never, Seán, “Why aren’t ya talking to me?”

“What?”

“Don’t act like yeh don’t know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout” Mark stays silent, “yeh barely said a word to me yesterday and the drive here was torture…” he lowers his head and, continues quietly, “yeh said yeh weren’t gonna hate me”

“Jack, I don’t hate you”

“yeh have a funny way of showing it”

“I don’t hate you, Seán” Mark repeats, and he likes the way his name sounds on him, “everything’s just been… confusing”.

“don’t yeh think I fucking know that,” he laughs, “like, a had a girlfriend last month, dude”

And Mark shakes his head, chuckling, he goes to flip the elevator back on again, but the Irishman grabs his wrist before he can reach it. “before yeh do that, can I just… try something?” 

Mark watches carefully as Seán takes a step closer towards him, he licks his lips and Mark nods, because, why the hell not.

His lips are rough, not chapped, but rougher than what he’s used to, and his mustache, tickles his upper lip.

It’s a kiss like nothing he has ever experienced before.

Seán nods, a little smile on his lips as they part.

Mark turns his back to him, finally flipping the damn switch.

It doesn’t take long for them to get to ground level and they apologized to the family waiting, suggesting to not use that same elevator because they had _randomly_ gotten stuck in it for a few minutes.

**∧∨**

Talking, that’s all they had to do.

Mark was confused, that was understandable, but Seán was so relieved he finally had his best friend back.

Except his best friend was also his crush and had a girlfriend.

Being bi is… something.

But at least now things are, semi, back to normal!

**∧∨**

They make it back to the office with Bob and Wade to record some videos.

They played all kinds of silly games for hours, even going LIVE once for Cards Against Humanity and an improvised improv section.

Seán was sitting on the side, with Amy, since he wasn’t as good as the others at improv. They’re both laughing their asses off, while they watch Mark and Ethan do the “I’m Tyler” bit while Tyler sits on the couch staring at the camera, dead-eye.

They order food a bit later when they’re done “working”, and Amy announces she’s taking Chica for a walk while they wait for it. 

Seán quickly stands up and offers to go with her.

“take care of my girls” Mark warns with a grin, and Seán nods, but goddammit that hurts.

Amy offers him Chica’s leash as they make it out of the office, “don’t pay him any mind, he can be an asshole sometimes, but he means well, really”

Seán lets the golden retriever guide him, “I’ve known him longer than yeh”

“What was that?”, she heard him.

He sighs, “I’m sorry, that was rude”

“you two, you think we don’t notice,” she starts, looking down at the pup walking in front of them, “there’s something going on, we can tell”

“there’s nothing going on, promise”

And now he's lying. Great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so I don't know if anyone has seen the elevator switch mentioned but my son's preschool has it and I've always wondered who's bright idea was to put something like that on child level... I have a picture I was gonna post for reference but I don't know how to :( just know, it is a real thing. ANYWAY. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you guys next Friday with Chapter Six :D


	6. Give My Life Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Take everything that I know you'll break  
> And I give my life away  
> So far for you  
> But can you hear me say  
> Don't throw me away  
> There's no way out  
> I gotta hold you somehow"  
>  **~The All-American Rejects - I Wanna~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so... There's some feely touchy kissy stuff in this one. Not sure yet if there will be full on smut later on, but for now some heavy petting will do. You have been, warned? I don't know. Enjoy.
> 
>  **EDIT:** as of Thursday 08/31/17 this chapter has been re-written. a few things have changed.

This is really not what he wanted at all.

Lying? Getting between a clearly happily together couple?

That was never his plan. All Seán wanted to do was tell someone, Especially Mark.

All he wanted to do was tell his best friend he was crushing on him, hard, like a teenage girl.

He chuckles at his own thoughts, scrolling through his phone in the dark, thinking about how he’s life is just up and changing without his permission.

“Hey, can’t sleep?” Mark peeks his head in the room, probably having noticed the light from the lamp on.

“thinking” he answers, squinting his eyes when Mark turns the lights on. “How ‘bout yeh? Why are yeh up?”

“I just got in”

Seán looks at the time, it was a little past midnight, “I didn’t know ya had gone out”

Mark shrugs, “speaking of Amy, what did you two talk about earlier?”

The green-haired man rolled his eyes, of course, Mark was out with Amy. But Seán couldn’t get jealous, why would he. “Just girl stuff”

“that’s a little gay”, Mark chuckles

“I'm a little gay, Mark”

Mark sat on the bed next to him, “true”

Seán ignores him, “I was being selfish before, it’s not my place or intention”

“Intentions? of what?”

“To get between yeh two, that’s not what I want”

Mark chuckles, leaning in closer to brush the hair out of Seán’s face, “that’s not going to happen”

He nods and grabs his phone again, ignoring the flush going through his face from Mark’s touch, or maybe it was out of embarrassment.

“Seán…”

He doesn’t answer him, engulfed on his Tumblr, but Mark pushes the phone away and he has to look up now.

“Seán, I like you”

“…but?”

“There is no but,” Mark said standing up to stretch, yawning. He bent down near Seán, “I just like you, dummy” he then kissed his forehead and left the room.

It goes without saying that sleep did not come easy for Seán that night.

**∧∨**

Seán walked down the steps, half asleep, scratching the back of his head, “I don’t know how yeh can get up so damn early” he called out, followed by a yawn, at the man he knew was in the kitchen.

Mark chuckles, cup of coffee in hands, “nobody told you to wake up, idiot”

Seán smiles, “I smelled coffee”

He goes behind the counter where the naturally tanned man was and happily accepts the cup of heaven handed to him. He takes a sip of it and closes his eyes, taking a moment to enjoy the hot drink as it goes down his throat.

Mark is staring at him again.

Seán is still half asleep, his brain doesn’t work well at this hour.

“what? God, do I have dried drool all over me face? I do, don’t I?” He tries to desperately clean his mouth with his left hand, the right one holding tightly to the cup against his chest.

Mark chuckles, grabbing his hand and pushing it away from his face, “You’re perfect”

Seán could feel his face getting hotter as Mark gets closer and closer to him until his lips were pressed against his own. He gasped in surprise, giving Mark the opening to sneak his tongue into his mouth.

He lets out a small moan when Mark bites down on his bottom lips.

God Lord, Mark is kissing him…

Oh shit, Mark is kissing him! 

Seán quickly realizes what is happening and pulls away, “what are yeh doing?” he whispers, looking around to make sure no one saw them.

“I’m kissing you, dummy” Mark laughs, going in for another kiss

“Stop!” Seán dodges and pushes him away with his free hand, forgetting he’s still holding a very hot cup of coffee in his other.

The fast movement makes him spill the liquid all over his shirt, soaking his chest.

he curses, setting the cup down and quickly getting his shirt off.

Mark can’t contain himself and burst out laughing, “I’m so sorry, are you ok?”

“NO! it fucking hurts!”

The half-Korean manages to hold his laughter in enough to grab a clean rag from the drawers and get it wet, “here, let me help you”

He’s still grinning while he pats the wet fabric against the slim man’s chest. He pats gently against the red areas with the rag, while his free hand wanders to his side and rubbing around his navel.

*Ahem*

Mark looks up, putting the rag down. “Heeeey!”

“Hey yourself, buddy”, Bob stands on the other side of the counter, staring at the both of them, “what’s happening here?”

“Mark tried to kill me”, Seán accuses grabbing his shirt, blushing hard as he walks past them “’m going up to me room to change”.

Mark watches quietly as Jack goes up the stairs, sipping on his coffee

“He spilled hot coffee on himself” he clarifies, when he finds Bob still glaring at him, “I was just trying to help him out”

Bob nods, “Sure. Let’s say I believe that. Just… whatever you’re doing, Mark, be careful”

“We're just playing”

“somebody is going to get hurt”

Wade walks in then, “is this about that gay chicken game you two are playing?”

Mark turns back to Bob, pointing at the slim tall man, “he get’s it” 

But Bob is still giving him the stink eye, “Alright, fine, whatever. I’ll go talk to him”

Damn that Bob, Mark thought stomping his way out of the kitchen; he was having fun with Jack. He liked the way Jack would act all determined when he flirted with him, but then turn into mush whenever it was Mark doing the flirting. 

He reaches the guest room and tries turning the knob only to find it locked. He grins and continues to his own room, quickly location the keychain with all the house’s spare keys.

He decides as he unlocks the previously locked door that he likes this game.

Seán is an attractive man, there’s no doubt about that, but from that to like him? Like with real feelings?

Ptfs.

Mark is straight.

Besides, Seán doesn’t like him either, not really. He’s heartbroken and confusing admiration with love.

That is all.

**∧∨**

Mark stood by the now open door, waving keys in front of his face. Seán rolls his eyes and continues fixing his hair in the mirror, “get out”

“You can’t tell me where I can and can’t go in my own house, Jackieboy” he announces, matter of factly, walking to the bed to sit on it

“Look, I don’t know what yeh think ye’re doing Mark, but yeh need to stop”

It’s Mark who’s rolling his eyes now, “you sound like Bob” he scoffs, “I thought this is what you wanted”

“No, not like this”

Seán turns to face the half-Korean/half-German man sitting comfortably on the bed. He notes how soft his black pajamas pants look, and how the loose shirt he’s wearing still manages to cling to his body, showing the outline of his pecs, broad shoulders, and biceps. He had the slightest grin playing on his lips, while he looks back at him through his black rimmed glasses.

“don’t stare too long, you might like what you see”

“fuck off”

Mark laughs, walking towards him, “I don’t get it Seán, you want me? I’m here, you can have me”

He shakes his head, trying to back away but meeting the wall behind him instead. “Mark, I don’t want it like this”.

“How do you want it, then?” he locks the door again and positioned both his hands on each side of Seán’s head, caging him in.

Seán turns his face to the door, avoiding his eyes, and Mark bends down to his now exposed neck, placing soft little kisses all the way up his jawline, warm breath on his skin, “do you want me, or not?”

Seán bites down on his lips trying to suppress any sounds that might escape him, his eyes closed tight. He brings his arms up, as a barrier between them, on Mark’s chest. It doesn’t work.

Mark wraps his arms around the Irishman’s waist, hugging him close to his body.

His right-hand snakes up to his face, grabbing his chin and making the smaller man face him. Mark’s left-hand travels to the inside of his shirt, caressing his back, making Seán throw his head back and a moans escapes.

“Tell me to stop” Mark growls

Seán was breathing hard, heart beating faster, his voice shaky, “Mark…”

That’s all it takes, Seán moaning out his name, for Mark to lose it. He grabs the back of his head, pulling him back up and crashing his lips against the other man’s. He was rougher with his tongue this time.

In one fast swift motion, he pulls Seán away from the wall and onto the bed.

Seán can’t help but giggle as he lands on the mattress with a huff. He prompts himself up on his elbows, lustful blue eyes gazed at Mark’s brown ones.

_this is not fucking happening_

Mark takes his glasses off, setting them on the nightstand, and slowly crawls on top of him, kissing him again. Seán felt his hair being pulled back, while a hand underneath his shirt made its way up to his still sensitive chest. Mark had found his nipples and tweaks a bud between his fingers, making Seán moan against his lips.

Mark buckles his hips down crashing their growing erections against one another and Seán moans his name again.

There’s a knock at the door then and Mark quickly covers Seán’s mouth, as the person behind the door talks.

“Hey, Jack is Mark in there?”

“Yeah, I’m in here, what’s up?” Seán watches Mark huff in annoyance, “we’re talking”, and Seán rolled his eyes at that.

“Oh, ok, I was just wondering where you were”

Mark let go of Seán as he felt him licking the palm of his hand, “I’ll be right out in a minute” he announced rubbing his wet hand on the other man’s face, making him giggle adorably.

He stood up, grabbing his glasses, and fixing himself around the pants area, a little reluctant that their little game actually turned him on.

Walking to the mirror, he runs a hand through his hair, put his glasses back on and makes sure there were no visible marks anywhere as he waits for his breath to regulated.

Seán watches quietly, the smile once on his lips disappearing, “Mark?”

“hmm”

“will yeh be breaking up with Amy?”

Mark barked out a hearty laugh like Seán had just told him the most hilarious joke ever. And without answering, still laughing, he left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo. that happened.


	7. Rejoice Your Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give yourself prudence  
> And love your friends  
> So we can rejoice your truth  
> In the religion of the insecure  
> I must be myself, respect my youth"  
>  **~Lady Gaga - Born This Way~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So I would like to apologize to those of you that keep up with this story and its updates... I will try my best to update on my schedule time (every Fridays), but this will probably not be the last time it's late... If you're new, welcome! hope you enjoy, I'm doing my best to keep to a schedule.
> 
>  **EDIT:** as of Thursday 08/31/17 this chapter has been re-written. Not much has changed.

Seán couldn’t process what had just happened. Was Mark…? He did say he _liked_ him, but burst out laughing when asked about Amy. So, what was Mark really doing?

“JACK!”

He blinked furiously realizing someone was at the door, talking to him.

“I asked if you were coming down for breakfast”, Ethan repeated himself, “Are you alright, dude?”

“Yeah, I’m alright” he chuckles, “I’ll be down in a minute”

Seán was hoping Ethan would take the hint and leave him be for a few minutes, but the blue haired boy did not move.

“So, what were you and Mark talking about?”

_Fuck_

“just yeh know, ‘bout Signe and how much of an idiot I was”

_great, now ye’re lying to more people, way to go Seán_

“Oh” Ethan ruffled his own hair, “well, you’re with us now, you’ll be alright”

“Thanks, brah”

“sah dude”

**∧∨**

They (the boys) had all gone to the Team Edge office for the day, leaving Amy and Kathryn with Chica on their own, which Seán deeply appreciated after his morning with Mark.

After recording, even more, videos for 6 different channels Matthias had invited them to his house, where his wife Amanda had prepared enough food to feed a small army of energetic YouTubers.

They settled in the backyard after eating, Seán and Mark sat on a huge blanket on the grass with baby Luna and her mother while the others sat on the patio chairs and talked, like normal people.

“Are you alright, Seán?”

He looks up smiling at Amanda; who had been the only person to bother asking him if he would rather be called Jack or by his given name, and then ignored him completely when he said Jack was ok.

He realizes he spaced out again, and everyone was staring at him now.

“Oh Jaysus”, he chuckled, “why do yeh guys keep asking me that?”

“because you keep leaving us”, Tyler explained

“I literally just said _earth to Jack_ a second ago” Matthias added, “you had a nice trip?”

Seán turns to look at Mark, sitting across from him, who shrugs and turns to play with the toddler between them. Luna was busy chewing on her toys, seemed like the only person around him not interested in what was going on inside his head at the moment.

“I just have a lot in mind”, he finally answers, still not looking at anyone but the toddler.

“you know, if it’s causing that much of a distraction for you, maybe talking about it will help ease your mind”

 _dammit, Amanda_ “Yeah, I mean I guess”, he swallows the lump in his throat and finds a spot on the grass to stare at while he talked, “I guess I should just tell yeh guys”

“Are you sure you want to do that?”, Mark’s deep voice surprises him

“No, but better now than never”

Mark nods and Seán begins fiddling with his fingers as he thinks of the right words to say. “ok so… as most of you know, Signe and I broke up last month…”

“I didn’t know that”

“Shut up, Wade, he’s talking”

He chuckles at his friends. They always knew how to make him feel better, even if it wasn’t on purpose.

“well yeah, we broke up because I’m… well, no… I mean… do you all have to stare at me like that?”

Nobody was staring at him in any way, they didn’t have a reason to, they were just curious on what he had to say and he was just nervous.

He sighed, going back to playing with his fingers, “…I like men…”

Matthias was the first to speak, “so, you’re gay?”

“No, I still like women”, he explains, shyly looking up at the group, “I just also find men attractive”

There was silence, and he was sure they were all judging him **now**

“Is that what you two were talking about this morning?”, of course, Ethan had been the only one to noticed they had locked themselves in the guest room. “why didn’t you tell us before? You know we would never judge you, Jack”

“It's complicated” he heaves a sigh, “I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t trust yeh guys, it’s just been difficult fer myself to accept it and… I don’t know, I’m sorry”

“There’s no need to apologize, Jack”, Mark assures him, “There is no way any of us would ever judge you, or push you away because of who you are or who you like, right?”

Everyone agrees, and Seán has to hold back tears because fuck his friends are the best. “Thanks, everyone, I really do appreciate it. I just ask yeh to keep this between us fer now, until I’m more comfortable with it”.

**∧∨**

Seán is feeling much better now after coming out to some of his closest friends. Now he has to figure out how he would tell his family, maybe hit up Robin and Felix too, then he would worry about the subscribers. But that was all stress for another day, tonight he would enjoy the gratification of finally being himself.

He’s shirtless, having forgotten to take a shirt with him, to the bathroom, as he makes his way back to his room.

“you know, just because you’re bisexual doesn’t mean we all are” Mark grins, and throws a shirt at him, “Stop shoving your sexy body all up on our faces”

Seán rolls his eyes and pushes past him, not bother with the shirt at all.

Mark walks after him into the room, closing the door behind him, “Hey, hey, I’m just joking” he grabs him by the arm and pulls him closer to his body, “you can shove your sexy body wherever you want, especially if it’s against me”.

Seán wrapped his arm around Mark’s neck, looking deep into his chocolate brown eyes, “tell me, Mark, if ye’re not bi, what is this? What are you doing?”

Mark smiles, and pulls him even closer, burying his face on the nook of Seán’s neck. “I don’t know” his voice came muffled and warm against his skin, “I like it here”.

Seán really liked him there, too, but honestly, he wasn’t sure how much of it he could take. “I’m still waiting for that **but** ”.

Mark pulls away, still holding onto his waist, he looks into the mesmerizing blue’s of his _lover?_ and allows himself to lean forward and kiss him, but just for a few moments. “I like you Seán, I like **this** , but I don’t know what **this** is”

“There it is”

“I’m sorry,” he said as he let go of the Irishman, who turned to sit on the bed, “I know what I have with Amy, I know that I love her, and I know I don’t want to risk _that_ for **this** ”

“got it” Seán nods, “but also, ye’re not gonna stop, right?”

“If **you** don’t stop **me** , then no, I’m not going to stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. It's me again. Thank you for reading and bearing with me... really appreciate you guys so much! THANK YOU!


	8. Pie in The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Old Hare Krishna got nothing on you  
> Just keep you crazy with nothing to do  
> Keep you occupied with pie in the sky  
> There ain't no guru who can see through your eyes"  
>  **~John Lennon - I Found Out~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! It's Friday again!! This one is a long one... I think. I'm not sure what's consider long or short in here anymore. lol. But if you read my notes on the previous chapter you'd know I was having some trouble continuing from there. I still think there's something missing but after I stopped dwelling on it the story continued moving forward so I'm gonna trust it. I hope you enjoy it.

Seán had had a roller coaster of a week in LA, and he still had another week left.

He was still the loud energetic Irishman everyone loved, nothing about him had, or would ever change, but something about being open and self-acceptance of his sexuality, was liberating; like the weight of the world had just been lifted from his shoulders.

It was also the first time, in a very long time, he felt comfortable in his own skin. 

Everything would have been perfect if Mark didn’t insist in sneaking into his room every time he had the chance to.

He sighed, letting the hot shower he was currently in turn colder as he got lost in thought. The cold water on his skin was beginning to hurt but he let it run a little longer until he couldn’t take it anymore. He got out shivering and quickly threw on his boxers and jeans, he ruffled his wet hair with a towel and put on a clean shirt, and then made a run to “his” room.

Once in, he closed the door behind him and slumped against it. He hugged his knees and buried his head between them.

“did you have a nice shower?”

Seán jumped up, looking at the man sitting on the bed staring at him with a sidewise smile. “fer fock sakes! I thought yeh were Mark!”

Wade stood up, fixing his shirt, playing with the hem, not looking at him while he talked, “Bob stopped him before he managed to get in the bathroom with you”, Seán bit his lip nervously and Wade finally looked up, “you know we all know what’s going on between you two, right?”

Seán was the one looking down at his feet now, blushing. “There’s nothing going on between us”

“I don’t believe that”

He sighed, “There’s nothing other than repressed feelings between us, touchy-feely kissy stuff.”

Wade nodded, “but you know it’s not right”

“I can’t stop him”

Wade noted Seán was back to looking at the floor, this time he was hugging his arms against his body, gently rubbing his right upper arm.

“Oh God, has he hurt you!?”

“NO!” Seán assured quickly, “not physically anyway” Wade nodded, relieved. “Mark is like a drug to me,” he explained, “I know it’s not good fer me, I know I shouldn’t, but I need it. I need him.”

“Does Amy know?”

Seán shook his head slightly, “I think she know’s I like Mark. I’m not sure she knows what Mark likes though.” He scoffed, then “I’m not sure Mark knows what _he_ likes either”.

“drugs are weird, man”

Seán nodded, smiling, “is this, like an intervention?”

Wade chuckled “Mark is my friend, Jack, but so are you, and I don’t want either of you to get hurt, none of us do.”

They sat on the bed in silent for some time, until Seán finally spoke again. “We haven’t done anything yet”.

Wade didn’t seem to understand, so he explained.

“Mark hasn’t touched my ass yet”

“Oh God, no, I don’t need to know… it’s in my head now”

“He hasn’t even seen me naked”

“please shut up”

“you and Bob saved my ass just now, literally”

“Ok, I’m leaving now”

**∧∨**

“Alright losers, let’s go!” Mark stood by the front door, barking out instructions to the house full of men. 

Bob and Wade were leaving that day and Seán was supposed to accompany Mark to take them to the airport, much like he had done when they had arrived. And Mark was really looking forward to finally being alone with his new boy toy.

“Are you ready?” Mark asked as Seán and Wade made it downstairs to the living room.

Wade nodded and went to grab his bags, Seán however, didn’t move.

“Seán?”

Mark had been more constant in using his given name, which he honestly really liked. “I think I’ll stay”

Mark raised an eyebrow

“if that’s what you want, buddy,” Bob said, coming to give him a goodbye hug, so did Wade, but Mark just starred.

With Bob and Wade still by his side, he felt a little more confident, “maybe Tyler or Ethan can go in my place” he suggested, “or both of them, I don’t mind staying alone with Chica”

“I’ll stay with you!” Ethan volunteered, way too excited, coming between the two taller Ohio men to hug the Irish one.

“I guess I’ll go with you guys, then” 

“Oh geez man, don’t sound so excited”

“We've only been friends for half our lives, who cares if we don’t see each other in a long time, right”

Bob, Wade, and Tyler dispersed, joking with each other, and yet Mark still starred at Seán.

He walked forward, examining him, looking for the answer to an unspoken question. Finally, as he was barely inches from him, Mark spoke.

“I don’t get you” was all he said, then he grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Mark hadn’t noticed, as he let go and turned around telling everyone “let’s go” one more time before leaving the house himself, but Seán had his eyes closed finally letting the tears he had been holding for the longest time fall down his face.

“Jack…”

“I’m ok,” he smiled sheepishly, cleaning his cheek with the back of his hand, “go, before Mr. _I do whatever the fuck I want_ get’s upset with yeh guys, too”

Wade and Bob reminded him for the hundred time that he could always call them no matter what while Tyler promised to talk to Mark, and Ethan clung to his arm.

**∧∨**

**Mark’s POV**

Mark didn’t care for a conversation, he usually enjoyed a silent car ride, but the fact that three pairs of eyes kept glaring at him was unsettling.

“so is no one going to talk now, is that it?”

“Yes, actually, I’ll talk” Tyler offered, “What the fuck?”

He scoffed, “I kissed Jack, so what? I thought it was established that you all knew”

“That’s not the issue here”

“Again, Mark, whatever game you’re playing…” Bob began but he interrupted, murmuring under his breath, “what was that?”

He sighs, “I’m playing _his_ game”, he repeated more clearly, “Se… Jack doesn’t _like_ me, he has some kind of deep appreciation for me, I’m just showing him this is not what he wants” 

“by hurting him?” Wade asked quietly from the back seat

“Is **that** what he told you?”

“That’s what we saw” he corrected him

“He was crying!” Bob chimed in, clearly upset 

Mark kept quiet because of course, he hadn’t seen that part.

**∧∨**

After dropping his friend’s at the airport, and Tyler back at the house he decided to go see his girlfriend. He hadn’t been intimate with her since his “game” with Seán had started, as everyone insisted on calling it.

They had dinner together, they talked, they watched a movie, they cuddled, they fucked.

They laid in her bed, naked and exhausted. Amy was laying on his chest, as he absent minded played with her now messy hair, “what are you thinking about?”

“hmm”

“You've been quiet today”

He shrugged, “a lot on mind, that’s all”

“Tell me”, she insisted, “maybe I can help”

“It’s not important,” he smiles and stood up from the bed, grabbing his clothes from the floor, “I should start heading home now”

“Do you have to?” she grabbed his arm, trying to pull him back in bed.

“I have a guest in my house, Amy” he reminded and began getting dress.

He didn’t saw it, but the eye roll from Amy indicated she was starting to feel like she was losing this competition neither of them was aware the other was having.

**∧∨**

He was half expecting Seán to be awake when he got in, the Irishman never seem to sleep, but after sneaking a look into the guest room he realized the man was snoring.

He decided against his impulse to wake him up and instead went to his bedroom and took a long warm shower in the adjacent bathroom.

Mark hadn’t done anything to Seán other than some intense snogging which, even if he hated to admit, he kinda liked it. But what he did not like was the idea that he was actually hurting him.

He towel dried his hair and put on a pair of pajama pants on. He slowly walked back out of his room and into the guest room, and quietly got on the bed behind the subject of his thoughts.

He wrapped and arms around Seán’s waist, carefully not to wake him up, and prompted his head on the other one, watching him sleep.

Seán then turned to face him, “Mark? what are you…?” 

“Shhh” he moved his arm away from his body to caress his cheek, “go back to sleep, sleepy head”

“Mark, I’m awake”

“Why?”

Seán chuckled, “what are you doing here?”

“I don’t know” Mark sighed.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, listening to each other’s breathing, Mark was on the verge of dreamland when Seán spoke again.

“I hate that yeh don’t love me”

Mark opened his eyes and prompted himself up on his elbow, “do **you** love me?”

“I can’t bring myself to admit to that out loud just yet”, he looked down embarrassed, “it just hurts, yeh know”.

“I know” Mark laid back down and hugged the Irishman to his chest, “I’m sorry”.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. As always, Thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated.
> 
>  **Edit:** As you might have noticed, I've been naming the chapters with song lyrics and putting as summaries the part of the song that relates to the story... I want to clarify what I mean by this one in case someone didn't get it; Mark has been occupied with proving his own point _(pie in the sky)_ that he hasn't noticed what he's doing to Seán even though his friends _(the gurus)_ have been telling him all along. And now he has to "see through ~~your~~ his eyes".


	9. The Only Plan That I Got

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just enough time to plan an escape route  
> I put my map on the wall in the basement  
> Not quite a victory to run from your problems  
> But it's the only plan that I got  
> It's the only plan that I got  
>  **~Paramore - Escape Route~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really much to say about this one... so enjoy!

It was a rainy Saturday morning in usually sunny California. The pitter-patter of the rain outside the window reminded Seán of Ireland, but the strong arms around him made him happy he was here instead.

He barely remembers Mark getting in bed with him, but he's glad he decided to stay the whole night.

He rests his head on the man’s naked chest, listening carefully to his heartbeat when a playful idea comes to his mind; he runs his fingers up the tan chest.

There's a low growl rumbling in his chest. “Your hand is cold”, the groggy seductive voice tells him.

“I know,” Seán looks up at him, running his fingers back down to the hem of his pants.

Mark smiles drowsily at him as his body involuntarily shivers, he grabs his hand, interwinding their fingers together and brings it up to his lips, giving it a small kiss. “good morning, you tease”

“top of da mornin’ to ya, laddy”

Mark laughs, “idiot”

They stayed in bed for a few minutes in silence, neither of them wanting to move. It was really nice, Seán thought, this is what he wanted all along, too bad it was probably going to end soon.

As if on cue, Mark clears his throat making Seán jolt his head up, he chuckles realizing he had scared the Irishman.

He plants a kiss on his forehead and with his other hand, the one Seán was laying on, he ruffles his green hair. “I’m sorry”

Seán smiles, “it’s alright, I was daydreaming I guess”

“No, I mean” he breathes heavily through his nose, “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole to you this past week”

The younger man prompts himself up on his elbow, curious on what the older man has to say.

“I’ve been trying to prove something, something I wasn’t even sure of myself,” he pulls himself into a sitting position now, struggling with the right words to say. “I was so wrong, so dead wrong, and I’m so very sorry I had to hurt you to figured it out”.

“Mark, I…”, Seán wasn’t sure how to respond, that’s exactly what he wanted to hear but it somehow didn’t feel right.

“I understand if you can’t forgive me” he continues, taking Seán’s hands in his when he also sits on the bed next to him, “I just wanted to let you know I’m done now”

“Done? Done with what?”

Mark stands up then, smiling down at him, “I’m not gonna hurt you anymore”. Seán watches as he set the keys to the guest room down on the bedside table drawer, and ruffled his green hair. “Come down for breakfast when you’re ready” and with that, he was gone.

The door closes behind him, and Seán is left alone to process what just happened. Mark didn’t want him, he knew that; Mark was hurtful, but Mark gave him the attention he wanted.

And now he was alone again; no Signe, no Mark, no one. What was he supposed to do now? Go back to Ireland? To Brighton? For what? What did he have left now? _Who_ did he have left?

He felt something warm run down his cheek and realized he was crying. “Ye’re pathetic, Seán”, he wiped his face with one hand and grabbed his phone from the bedside table, quickly pulling up Google and searching _“hotels near me”_.

He copied the number of one, took a second to consider what he was about to do, nodded at himself and called it. He began grabbing his things off the floor and putting them in his suitcase as it rang, distracting his thoughts.

_“Thank you for calling Embassy Suites, how might we help you?”_

“hi, um… I need to make a reservation?”

_“sure thing sir, I would gladly assist you. May I have your name please?”_

The woman’s chirpiness reminded him of Signe, and he let out a painful breath. “Seán McLoughlin”

_“And when for would you like to make your reservation, Mr. Mcloughlin?”_

he scratched his head nervously, “today”

_“today?”_

“Yes, today… would that be a problem?”

 _“no problem whatsoever, sir, how long will you be staying?”_ Seán heard the familiar sound of keyboard keys being rapidly pressed

“a week, fer now, but that might change”

_“no problem. Would you mind if I put you on hold for a minute?”_

“no, go ahead”

He sighs, putting the phone down on the table again, on speaker, while he changed out of his sleeping clothes.

He heard the front door open and Chica barking happily downstair, Ethan's loud high pitch voice filling the house, as well as Amy's, Kathryn's and Tyler's.

He reminds himself that leaving now would be the best thing for everyone, as he hears the woman on the phone call his name.

“Yeah, I’m here”, he answers bringing the phone back to his ear.

_“Thank you for holding, Mr. McLoughlin. How many people is the reservation for?”_

“Just me”

_“All we have available at the moment are our two rooms suites. Would that be ok with you?"_ "that's fine" _"Alright then; would you like a single or double bed?”_

Seán sighs heavily, “single”

_“And, it would be under your name? correct? Could you spell it out for me, please?”_

“S-E-A-N” he hears her giggle, accompanied by the quick sound of a single key being pressed continuously, most possibly backspace. “did you write S-H-A-W-N?... it’s fine… uh, Mc, like, big M little c, L-O-U-G-H-L-I-N”

The receptionist then explains the night fares and how he wasn’t going to be charged until check-out for the room but needed to pay a booking fee beforehand. 

He gave her his credit card and contact information without complaints.

_"Alright, Mr. McLoughlin, your reservation has been made for today. If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to call us"_

“thank you so much.”

_"My pleasure sir. Check-in is until 2 o'clock. We are looking forward to seeing you by then Mr. McLoughlin. Have a nice day”_

He ends the call and sits on the bed to hear the light sound of people talking downstairs. Defeated, he opens the Uber app and orders a ride.

He puts his phone in the front pocket of his jeans and his wallet on the back pocket, straps the backpack with his electronics to his back, and picks the duffel bag and luggage. He waits a few minutes until his phone ‘ding’s letting him now his uber driver has arrived, and with a deep breath he finally opens the door and walks out of the room.

“Hey, there’s a car parked in front of the house” he hears Kathryn say as he’s coming down the stairs.

“That’s fer me” he calls nervously as everyone turns to look at him.

“what’s that?” Mark asks, pointing at his bags, “where are you going?”

“I, uhm…” he looks down at the floor as Amy comes behind Mark and wraps her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder, “I overstayed my welcome here. I booked a hotel not that far, I’ll be staying there fer now”

“Seán…” Mark untangles Amy’s arms from around his waist and takes a step closer to him, Seán takes a step back. “I thought we were fine. I said I was sorry”

“Saying sorry doesn’t fix things, Mark”, his phone rang then and he is relieved for the small distraction because any second longer of looking at Mark’s chocolate brown eyes and he would probably burst out crying again.

He could feel all of them looking at him as he answers the phone. It was the uber driver wondering where he was or if she had the wrong place, he promises to be right out and to start the meter (or whatever it was they used) while she waits.

“I really won’t be that far,” he repeats after ending the call, “I still have a week left here. Yeh can’t get rid of me that easily” he tries to joke, forcing a laugh.

Nobody tries to stop him, even though Mark really looks like he wants to, the blonde on his arm preventing him from doing so.

Seán pats Chica’s head as he walks to the door, and smiles back at his friends as he exits the house.

He put his bags in the trunk of the car and get in the back, apologizing for making the driver wait.

The whole thing was going better than he expected, that was until he looks back to the house and finds Mark there, looking back at him through the window with a pained look on his face.

“this is the best thing, Seán” he reminded himself as the car begins moving, “this is the best fer you”

He was still looking out the window but he couldn’t see Mark anymore, and he felt that warm sensation going down his cheeks again. “Stop it!” he commands himself, furiously wiping his face.

“are you alright, sweetheart?”

He looks up at the woman; she was dark skinned, with some years on her by the look of her black-ish gray hair and she wore small rounded glasses in front of her kind brown eyes. He nods, but a loud sob escapes his lips then. “I’m an idiot” he chuckles, tears still coming down his face.

“you can’t blame yourself for other people’s actions”. Seán stares in disbelieve at the woman, she smiles through the rearview mirror “I have some experience on my shoulders”.

He threw his head back and chuckles until he was sobbing. “I thought he would be different” he confesses, wondering if he should really be telling his misadventures in love to a complete stranger.

But here he was, crying his eyes out while telling _Jacqueline_ about his job on youtube and his inspiration to start it all; Markiplier. He told her about that faithful email back in 2014 inviting him to do a collab with him, and how for that day on forward Seán couldn’t keep the Korean/German out of his mind. He told her about how both of his girlfriends had broken up with him because of it. And how Mark played him like one of his video games, and won.

He felt a lot better after spilling his feelings all over the back seat of that car; embarrassed, but better.

Jacquline had been amazing to him, and he was very grateful to her. She gave him a card with her information and made him promise to call her if he needed her, whether it was for a ride or to talk; “Auntie Jackie will be here for you”.

He rubs his puffy red eyes and put on his sunglasses, after digging for them in his backpack, when they arrive at the hotel. He walks in and makes his way to the front desk.

“Good morning. Welcome to Embassy Suites, by Hilton. How may I help you?”

“Hi, I’m Seán McLoughlin, I made a reservation over the phone earlier today”

The young brunette behind the desk smiles “oh, Mr. McLoughlin, welcome! I’m Laura, I was the one you talked to this morning”, he nods, recognizes her voice, shaking the hand she had offered him, “Give me a second while I make sure your room is ready for you”. She grabs the phone from the counter and makes a call, after a quick conversation she hung up and turned back to her computer. “One of our housekeepers is putting the finishing touches on your room, but she should be done by the time you get up there,” she says all of this without looking at him, typing away at the keyboard.

When she finally turns to him, she hands him a keycard and points at the metal doors to her left, “You’re on the 7th floor, room 711, turn right once you exit the elevator, it’s the last door on that hall”. She points to her right then, “We have complementary breakfast every morning in the cafeteria starting at 8 AM.” He makes a face at the time and she laughs “room service _is_ available at an additional cost.”

“Yea, I’m not waking up before 1 PM, I think I can manage an _additional cost_ ”

She laughs again, “Do you need any help with your bags?”

He shakes his head and thanks her. He gets in the glass-wall elevator and closes his eyes as it makes its way up. He tries to distract himself but only manages to remember the last time he was in one of these, not helping the smile forming on his lips.

He opens his eyes again when he hears a ‘ding’ thinking he had arrived on his floor but found he still has 2 floors to go. After another ‘ding’, he realizes it's his text tone and pulls his phone out of his pocket, then frowns at the sender’s name.

**Mark**

He thought about ignoring it but chose against it, unlocking his phone and opening the text.

_I didn’t want this to happen, Sean_  
_I’m sorry_

He quickly typed a reply

_This is the best for us, Mark_  
_For our friendship_  
_I just need some space_  
_Please_

His phone ‘ding’s again, just as the elevator doors open. He walks out feeling the tears begin to form in his eyes one more time.

_Will things ever be the same again?_  
_Between us?_

A single tear fell on the phone as he pressed ‘send’.

_No_


	10. Still Don't Know How I Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Makes you wonder why you even try  
> Makes you wonder why you even try  
> Makes you wonder why you even try  
> Makes you wonder why you even try  
> Still don't know how I even survive  
> Still don't know how I even survive  
> Still don't know how I even survive  
> Still don't know how I even  
> And I gotta get to rock bottom"  
>  **~Paramore - Hard Times~**
> 
> hey it's another Paramore song! ...better than the adventure time theme song, eh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feliz Cinco de Mayo a todos!!!! ...how are you?? hopefully good. I myself am doing very good at the moment. I started having some problems with the writing of this again; I found myself worrying about the hit count and whether people liked the story or not, but then I decided FUCK IT, I LIKE IT. I know exactly where I'm taking this, I have an ending, I even thought of a possible sequel. And I'm going to continue writing it even if no one ever reads it again. Thank you to those of you that leave kudos, comments and bookmark, you are the ones that motivate me to keep pushing forward. Now, on to the chapter!

Seán stared at his phone, waiting for another text, but nothing came. He sighed stuffing the phone back in his pocket and cleaned his face of any residual tears. He pulled his luggage down the empty halls.

He made sure the number by the open door was, in fact, the one he was told. _Yep, 711_. He pushed the big trolley blocking the entrance, and poked his head in, “hellooo”

There, in the middle of the room was a girl, about his age, pushing and pulling a vacuum all over the floor.

he knocked on the door, “hellooooooo”

Not only was the vacuum loud, but he noticed she had music playing on her phone and was singing.

He chuckled as she did a little dance, too. He put his bags down quietly and walked towards her, tapping her shoulder.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!” she jumped back, holding onto her chest for dear life.

Seán couldn’t help but laugh. He pushed the power button on the vacuum with his foot, “I’m sorry” he said, still laughing.

She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, “no it’s alright, I should be the one apologizing” she went to her phone and closed youtube, the app she was using to listen to music. “Are you the guest of this room?”

“that I are,” Seán noticed she was shaking, “I’m so sorry, are yeh alright?”

“I’m ok” she smiled, nervously, “could you, please don’t tell my supervisor I was listening to music on the job?”

Seán smiled, “relax I won't tell anyone…” he tilted his head to read her nametag, “Dahlia?” she nodded and he offered her his hand, “Seán”

She nodded again, looking down as she shook his hand. “Well, you’re room is clean now”. She grabbed the vacuum and quickly walked past him, “enjoy your stay” she called pushing the trolley away.

“ok” Seán, rubbed his head, confused, and shrugged. He made the mistake of looking at his phone again, absentmindedly; there was nothing there. He sighed. Did Mark really just gave up? Was he really expecting him to fight for him?

_Yeh chose this, Seán. YOU chose ta come ta LA. YOU chose ta tell Mark how yeh felt. YOU chose ta trust him._

_And now ye're alone again._

He needed a distraction, he looked around the room, “adventure time?”

He opened the bathroom door, turn the light on, and looked at his reflections “yeh look like shite, mate”, ~~he~~ it nodded. He picked up the neatly stacked complimentary toiletries; lotion, shampoo, conditioner, soap. He scattered them all over the counter. He opened the lid of the toilet, it was clean but he flushed it anyway. He pulled the shower curtain back, played with the water nobs. Hot, cold, overhead shower, opened and closed the drain. Walked out.

There were bedside tables on each side of the bed with a lamp on each one. He opened the drawers and turned the lamps on. He turned the tv on and opened and closed the drawers on the dresser. He opened the huge window curtains, “fuck this is high”, he closed them. He opened the closet door, made a mental note of what was in, and closed it again.

He walked to the living room area. Another mirror, a small sink, a small keirug coffee maker, a small fridge with small alcohol bottles inside. A small microwave? No, they’re normally that size. More drawers. More lamps. Another tv. He did to them the same thing that he had done in the bedroom. He noted the window with it’s already opened curtains, “Still high”, but at least now he wasn’t looking directly at it.

He pulled the sofa bed out, grabbed a bottle of Fireball from the fridge, and threw himself on it. He sighed. He checked his phone, still no message from Mark but it was 11:45 AM now. He drank the alcohol.

He had done everything he could think of doing in the rooms, and it had only been five minutes. The rest of the week by himself was gonna suck.

He decided to turn everything he had turn on off again (and close everything he had opened, as well), and pulled out his laptop, charger, and headphones from his backpack and settled down on the desk. He checked his emails and answered a few, made sure his earlier video had uploaded correctly and queued his second video for that day, then he reviewed the edited videos Robin had emailed him and called him on Skype.

“Hey, Seán!” Robin’s grinning face appeared on his screen

“Hey buddy” he smiled, happy to see his friend “did I catch yeh on a bad time?” he asked remembering the time difference.

“nope! I was just finishing up one of your videos” he looked around behind Seán, “where are you?”

He also looked back “I’m… in a hotel”

“why? Seán what happened?” Robin was serious now, concerned maybe “do I have to get on a plane and kick somebody’s ass? Because you know I will”

“I know,” he chuckled, rubbing his neck nervously, “nothing happened. I just wanted to let yeh know that I was gonna edit some of tha videos too, don’t wanna lose my touch, y’know”

“Uh huh,” he narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger, “what did Mark do?”

“what?! Nothing!” he said a little too loud

Robin rolled his eyes, “Seán I know you like Mark. If you’re not staying at his place anymore _something_ must've happened”

“That makes no fucking sense, and also fuck you I don’t like Mark, fock is wrong with yeh” _maybe take it down a notch, Seán_

Robin scoffs now, “you think I don’t see it? The way you two flirt? That’s not for the cameras, Seán.” He nodded knowingly when Seán stayed quiet, looking down at his lap, “huh, forgot I get front seat to your raw content”

“I was gonna tell yeh” he admitted, quietly “not about Mark, yeh weren't supposed ta know that. Fuck! Is it that obvious?!”

“Yes” he smirked, “good thing you have an amazing editor, amirite”

Seán laughed, “shut up”

“so,” Robin started again, “are you gonna tell me what Mark did?”

“No” he sighed, “I just needed some space, was starting to feel claustrophobic”

Robin clearly didn’t believe that was all of it but decided to not push on the subject anymore, which Seán really appreciated. They caught up a little bit and fell into some friendly banter before they split the videos they each were gonna edit and said their goodbyes. 

Seán busied himself up with the videos for a few hours but by 5 PM his stomach was grumbling. The plan was to order room service and continue working, but then he noticed his phone was low in battery and couldn’t find his charger.

He decided to text Ethan, “I think I left my phone charger in the guest room, could you check for me please?”

Ethan’s answer came exactly a minute later, “Yep it’s here. How are you?”

“I’ll live” he bit his lip temptingly and quickly tapped at the screen, then he erased it. As if knowing what he was thinking, Ethan answered his unsent message.

“Mark and Amy had an argument after you left. He’s been in his office recording all day”

Seán took a sharp breath, _they were fighting, because of me?_ He began typing again, _“tell him I’m alright”_ , he erased it.

“you think we can meet tomorrow, I kinda need my charger”

Bullshit, there was an apple store right outside the hotel.

“sure thing dude, where are you staying?”

He sent Ethan the hotel information and hid his phone back in his pocket. He grabbed a disguised from his luggage and made his way down to the lobby.

He usually didn’t think of himself as a celebrity, he would normally not mind if someone recognized him back home so he wouldn’t bother with covering up, but he wasn’t home and didn’t want a repeat of the night at the club.

He tucked his hair under his black Overwatch cap, making sure not a single strand of green hair was visible, put on dark prescription sunglasses, and wore a black hoodie, with the hood over his cap for extra measure.

He slithered passed the front entrance unrecognized, and made his way to the small shopping center next to the hotel, keeping his gaze down on the pavement, just in case.

He found out an Apple Store, a Starbucks, a California Pizza Kitchen, a bank, and a Target Store made the entirety of the shopping area. Seán decided then he had made the best decision coming to this particular hotel.

After going into the Apple Store with as little interaction with anyone as possible his stomach had rumbled again, reminding him he was still hungry. He walked into the Pizza shop and smiled as he recognizes a few people he had seen in the hotel earlier. Right there, by the entrance, was the receptionist, Laura. In the back, sitting at a table with a group, was Dahlia, the housekeeper.

Dahlia seemed to had recognized him first, or so he thought. He was still wearing his disguise, but she had looked directly at him for a moment then quickly down at the table looking flustered.

He didn’t think much of it as when he took his cap off, he heard someone say his name… or his surname.

“Mr. McLoughlin!”

He winced at the tone, looking around for a second. Why the hell was she so excited to see him, anyway.

“please, Seán’s fine” he smiled politely at her, “Mr. McLoughlin is my father”

“alright Seán” she giggled, “if you would have come a few minutes earlier we could have sat together, you know”

 _Oh Jaysus, is she flirting with me?!_ “maybe next time” _Goddammit why did I say that?!_

“next time then”

_fer fock sakes_

She flashed him a big smile and said goodbye. He decided on grabbing something from the _To-Go_ counter.

He ordered a coffee from the Starbuck also and sat outside, on the tables in the middle of the plaza.

He had let his guard down, taking his hood off and setting the sunglasses and cap down on the table while he ate. He figured he was good now that the sun was begging to go down, and not a lot of people were out.

“Hey”

He looked up, pizza still in his mouth, he bit down and talked with a mouthful, “Hey yerself”

Dahlia snorted, "I just came to.. I wanted to ask…” her cheeks were puffy and red as she struggled with her words “were you flirting with Laura? At the restaurant?”

He raised an eyebrow, swallowing his food “I don’t think that’s any of yer business”, his words a little bit harsher than he intended them to be.

He didn’t think it was possible for her cheeks to get any redder but somehow they did. “I… I’m sorry, you’re right I just… I’m sorry” 

She turned to leave but Seán jumped up from his seat, “no wait, tell me”

“no, you’re right, it’s none of my business. I should just go” she looked like she was on the verge of crying, “I’m sorry”

Well, now he felt like an asshole. “Please tell me” he tried a little bit softer, “yeh came here ta tell me something that's obviously bothering yeh, and now I really wanna know what it was”

She took a deep breath, “Laura… you’re right, it’s none of my business, but… just be careful with her”

He studied her for a moment. She had shoulder length blueish black hair and dark brown eyes. She wore a pair of sparkly purple glasses that seemed to be a little too big for her face, and continuously slid down the bridge of her nose, he also noticed then the eyebrow piercing. She was short, like really really short, and a little plump around the waist and face, which Seán thought made her look adorable.

She cleared her throat, nervously, and Seán realized he had been staring. He smiled “how tall are you?”

“What?”

He laughed, “I’m sorry, it’s just… ye’re short”

“I’m aware of that,” she rolled her eyes at him, “I’m 5’1””

“ye’re a hobbit!”

“shut up!”

Seán was right out laughing, and there was a small smile on her lips. “Do you feel better?” he asked once he had calmed down from his laughing fit. She nodded, “good”.

He invited her to sit down with him and they fell into a conversation like if they knew each other for years, Seán even going as far as offering her some of his pizza. Thank the Gods she declined.

She explained that Laura was a little bit too friendly with pretty much all the hotel’s male employees, and occasionally a few guest like himself. She told him she knew first hand what it was like to be messed with by Laura and that she had promised to herself that if she could stop at least one of her attempts she would.

Seán also explained that he wasn’t trying to flirt with her, but he might have. She nodded as if knowing exactly what he was talking about.

Surprisingly, he really liked talking to this girl, he liked her accent (which he discovered was Spanish) and her sarcastic remarks. He also taught she was cute, adorable even, but he wasn’t attracted to her. It bothered him. In any other instinct, he would be seizing his opportunity and charming her up, but Dahlia was different. Or was it him?

He hadn’t checked his phone the whole time he was out, but when he finally made it back to his room, he was disappointed when he did.

There was still nothing there.

Well, I guess that was it. He knew exactly what he needed to do now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long rambly chapter, no it's not a filler... well it sorta is... it'll make sense later. But hey, Robin knows now!! officially. Also, Dahlia will make sense later also.


	11. Game for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah I know that I let you down  
> Is it too late to say I'm sorry now?  
> I'll take every single piece of the blame if you want me to  
> But you know that there is no innocent one in this game for two  
> I'll go, I'll go and then you go, you go out and spill the truth  
> Can we both say the words and forget this?"  
>  **~Justin Beiber - Sorry~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cute? cute!

** SUNDAY **

When Seán says “sleep is for the weak” what he means is sleeping cuts time on his productivity and he’s a ball of energy that simply cannot be stopped, so he rather be doing anything but.

But when Seán does get his sleep; how dare you take it from him?!

He laid face up on the bed, wide eye. He blamed Mark.

It was barely 7 AM when he first woke up because that was the time he had been waking up while staying at Mark’s place. 

Not that Mark was waking him up by any means —he was more of a night time visitor—, but he made coffee every time before his workouts and Seán loves the smell of fresh dirty bean water in the morning.

It was almost 8 AM now, he’s been on Tumblr for the past hour scrolling absent-mindedly. He made a decision the night before, and now he was just thinking about it.

He will try to get Ethan to tell him about Mark and Amy’s fight, and then he would be a 100% sure that’s what he really wants to do.

He put on his favorite ripped black jeans, a gray long-sleeve shirt with the word BERLIN in black and white, and black hightops. He put on his glasses and fixed a knitted black slouchy beanie over his hair.

He tried to smile at his reflection, but it didn’t look right. He looked like that loud Irish YouTuber, but he didn’t feel like him.

He grabbed his phone and wallet and made it down to the lobby.

“Good morning, Seán”

He smiled at the receptionist, “Good morning, Ms. Laura”

“How was your night?” she asked smiling brightly at him, something he was sure she must do with everyone as part of her job. “It’s a little early for you, isn’t it? I thought you had said you weren’t gonna be up before 1 PM”

“Thought I’d give this breakfast thing a try” he made a move to walk over the cafeteria area when she stopped him

“Maybe I’ll see you again later?”

He took a deep breath, “look, Laura, ye’re a very attractive woman, but I think I might’ve given ye the wrong message yesterday…”

“Oh… _oh_ ” she smiled, waving her hands dismissively, “Oh no, I’m sorry, that’s just the way I usually am with everyone”

“ok,” Seán nodded, seeing the embarrassment in her face, “I just wanted ta clear out that I’m not interested, in… whatever that was”

“hospitality,” she clarified, “it was hospitality, and nothing more. It’s my job”

“ok”

“Have a nice day, Mr. McLoughlin”

He nodded and made his way to the cafeteria as the conversation was clearly over now.

He grabbed a coffee, of course, and a big stack of pancakes and bacon on a plate. He drowned his food with warm syrup and had settled down to eat when he heard a familiar voice.

He couldn’t help the smile on his lips as he heard his name come out of his mouth as he talked to the front desk person. Seán hadn’t registered what his body was doing until he was standing in front of him.

“Maerk!”, he realized his body was still doing things without his permission as he wrapped his arms around broad shoulders.

Mark hesitated a moment before returning the hug, “Oh thank God” he breathed out with a laugh.

It wasn’t until Seán made eye contact with Laura behind them that he broke the hug. Mark turned back to look at ~~what~~ who he was looking at then back at him with a raised eyebrow.

He dismissed the silent question pulling him to his table, “come, I have breakfast”.

“is there bacon?”

“uh, hello? I’m Seán McLoughlin, eater of everything; have we met?”

Mark laughed as he sat at the table, across from the green-haired man, “I don’t believe we have, actually, but I would love to”, he offered him his hand, “I’m Mark”

Seán looked at the hand, a small smile still on his lips. He repeated his name and grabbed his hand to shake it, but as he went to pull away Mark held him tighter. Seán furrowed his eyebrows, looking up to find Mark’s brown eyes looking back at his blue ones. 

Mark smiled and he felt him rubbed his thumb on the back of his hand, he then sighed and let go of it.

“How did ye know I was here, Mark?”

He grinned pulling something out of his pockets and setting it on the table; his charger.

“Ethan! That little bitch”

“you thought it was going to be _that_ easy to put my children against me?” his eyebrow arched and that stupid shit eating grin still on his face.

Seán huffed, chewing loudly on a piece of bacon. “I wasn’t trying ta put anyone against anybody”

“Then what exactly did you need to see Ethan so bad for?” he rested both his elbows on the table, holding his face up.

“my charger” he shoved more food in his mouth.

“Uh, that’s funny ‘cause I saw this store just outside of the hotel that I’m pretty sure sells all kind of things for your phone. It has a half eaten **apple** on the front of it, maybe you’ve heard of it?”

“shut up” Seán grabbed the cable and stuffed it into his own pockets, “I thought we didn’t know each other. Why are ye asking so many questions ta someone yeh just met?”

“alright _hwalyeohan_ , you ask the questions then”

“ _gorgeous_? really, now”, he blushed furiously, looking away. 

Mark grinned, he had forgotten Seán knew some degree of Korean, but he was glad he understood the pet name. 

Seán cleared his throat, playing with his food a little while he ate it “So, tell me about yer self, stranger”

“ok” he pulled his arms down, resting his hands on his lap. “My name’s Mark Edward Fischbach, I’m 28 years-old, I’m half Korean, half German, oh and I have a youtube let’s play channel”

“Sexuality?”

Mark stared wide eye, “damn, is that how we’re going to do this now?”

“yep”

“alright” he chuckled nervously, “if you would have asked me last week I would have said straight”

Seán nodded, “what about now?”

“confused?” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the table, “I have this friend, he’s an adorable little Irish potato…”

“ _I’m_ Irish”, Mark looked at him, “I’m sorry, continue… what about yer obviously very good looking friend?”

Mark scoffed, one corner of lips up, “he drives me crazy it’s what he does”, Seán smiled, “but I hurt him” Mark continued and his smiled faded, “I hurt him and he said our friendship might never be the same”. Seán was biting his lip, looking at the empty plate of food he had pushed aside, Mark put his hands on the table where he could see them, palms up. “What do you think he meant by that?”

Seán closed his eyes and left his hands do their own thing again, he let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he felt Mark’s strong hold on them. “Maybe he just needs time. Maybe he thinks the distance between yeh two will be the best in yer situation” it was somewhat easier talking about it in the third person so he played along, “how did yeh hurt him?”

Mark let out an exasperated breath, “Seán…” the Irishman squeezed his hands, “I… I…” that wasn’t working so he tried a different approach, “he told me he had feelings for me, and I thought if I played along he would see how silly that was, I thought if I pretend it wasn’t real it somehow wouldn’t be.”

There was a moment of silence, just the two of them, looking down at their interwind hands.

“How do I… him… how does _he_ drive yeh crazy?”

Mark smiled, finally looking up at blue eyes, “He's amazing, funny, kind, _way_ too nice, one of the most hard working people I know” Seán had a small pink flush across his face, “and he has the most beautiful hypnotizing blue eyes, and soft pink lips. And he smells of rain, and tastes like coffee”. Mark continued, “I’m not gay, Seán, but I’m a 100% sure I’m not straight either because I’ve never wanted to kiss another man as much as I want to kiss you right now”

“goddamit, Mark”, he pulled his hands away, his face bright red and hot. He bit the inside of his cheek, looking everywhere but the man in front of him, fist balled up on his lap. He wanted that, he wanted Mark to kiss him so badly, they were alone in a hotel, he could just drag him up to his room and let him destroy him… but, then what? “…what about Amy?”

It always came back to Amy, it had to.

Mark was in a similar position as him; hands balled up on the table, knuckles white, he was biting his lips but kept his eyes on Seán the whole time. “I told her about you, about us” he admitted, relaxing his hands a little, “she wasn’t very happy about it and said maybe we needed a break”

Seán held his breath, “yeh broke up?”, Mark only shook his head and he let go of his shaking breath, a sob? He felt Mark’s thumb across his cheek and leaned into his touch letting the tears fall, “I don’t know what I expected”

“Maybe for me to stop being an ass?”

He scoffed, half smiling, “is that even possible?”

Mark stood up leaning over the table and kissed the top of his head. He moved the hair away from his eyes and kissed his forehead. He cleaned his eyes with both hands and kissed his nose. He held him there for a second before pressing his lips against his. 

There was no movement on either side, no sign of deepening or breaking the kiss, just lips pressed against lips.

“coffee”, Mark finally spoke, moving, pressing their foreheads together now, “coffee, and syrup” he smiled.

Seán sighed, putting his hands on the other’s shoulders and softly pushing him away. “I guess that was goodbye”

Mark raised an eyebrow, “you have 6 days left here, am I not allowed to see you again anymore?”

“It's probably best we don’t” He stood up then, “yeh talk to yer girlfriend, fix things, I’ll be alright by meself”

“Seán…”

“Once I get back home, we can still play games and all that, but fer now let’s avoid any more of _this_ ”

“but we’re still friends, right?”

“of course, ya doof”, he had already begun walking, backward, to the elevator, “I told yeh already, yeh can’t get rid of Jackaboy that easy”

Mark nodded. “oh hey, you never told me anything about yourself, stranger”

Seán stopped, he was right in front of the front desk now, “huh… how about, I’m Seán William McLoughlin, but my friends call me Jack, I’m 27 years-old, Irish and proud, oh and I’m in love with an idiot” he nodded to himself, he was sure of that now, “which I guess just makes me an even bigger idiot”. He shrugged and continued walking to the elevator, “bye, Mark”.

“bye _hwalyeohan_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this clarifies any questions about why Seán decided to leave in the first place.
> 
> ALSO, I apologize if the Korean is not correct. I'm a native Spanish speaker and I can barely do English as it is. lol


	12. Just Need One Good One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've got a hundred million reasons to walk away  
> But baby, I just need one good one, good one  
> Tell me that you'll be the good one, good one  
> Baby, I just need one good one to stay"  
>  **~Lady Gaga - Million Reasons~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! we are so close to 1,000 hits! THANK YOU! I know there are better stories out there, better writers, but a 1,000 is a big number and I am so happy so many people have taken the time to at least give this shitshow a try! I'm very grateful you're all here! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
> 
>  **UPDATE:** Chapter 12 was posted 05/19/17 at 11am (EDT), with 951 hits... we hit 1,000 hits at 3:35pm! and I know I said before I wasn't gonna worry about the hit count but, thank you anyway, it's a big deal for me! (and if you're wondering how I know the exact time is because I was just sitting here refreshing the page over and over. lol)

** TUESDAY **

It was the fifth time in the past 10 minutes that Seán had opened his phone, gone to his messages and locked it again.

“Is everything alright, sweetheart?”

“Yes, Auntie Jackie,” he smiled looking up at the older woman from the back seat of her car, “thanks again for the ride”

“I told you it was no problem, I’m just happy I get to see a smile on that handsome face of yours, sweetheart”

He blushed, looking down and away from her, to his phone

“Dude, just fucking text him alrready”

Mrs. Jacqueline cleared her throat disapprovingly at the choice of words, and Seán turned to the woman sitting next to him, “can yeh mind yer own business?”

Dahlia grinned, “nope”

“Why did I think inviting yeh was a good idea?” he rolled his eyes, a small smile on his lips.

“Because, admit it; you love me alrready” she pointed at his phone, “now r you gonna text him or should I?”

“Nobody is gonna text anyone” he locked his phone again and put in his pocket, “I’ll just call him when I get _there_ ”

She scoffed, “no you won’t”

“Shut up”. The car came to a complete stop just then and he sighed, looking out towards the airport.

“You really don’t wanna do this, do you?”

He chuckled, “Do I have another choice?”

“Uh, yeah, talk to him, wait till Saturday, say goodbye properly”

“I already talked to him,” he explained opening the door and stepping out, “staying any longer makes no difference at this point”

Dahlia and Mrs. Jacqueline followed him, going to the trunk of the car to get his bags. The older woman grabbed the wheelie luggage, Dahlia the duffel bag and Seán stuck with his backpack, arguing he could pull them all by himself and be utterly ignored by the, as he was beginning to realize, stubborn women.

They made their way inside the building and waited for Seán to check-in.

Mrs. Jacqueline pushed his hair back, tucking it mostly under his hat and behind his ear, hiding the green hair. “Have a nice flight, sweetheart”

“Thank you, Mrs. Jacqueline, thank you for everything, I still feel bad you’re not letting me pay you for the ride”

“Nonsense, you take care now sweetheart” he nodded and gave her a hug, “be safe,” she said

He turned to Dahlia next, “why are yeh crying?!”

“Shut up, I’m a sensitive girl!”

He hugged her, “it was really fun meeting yeh and getting ta know yeh this past couple of days” he pulled away from the hug and pointed at her shirt, “don’t think we’re not going ta have a talk about _that_ later”

“Ok” she laughed, cleaning her face, and tugging at her septic eye shirt, “but do call Mark first”

He nodded, “I will just let him fix things with Amy…”

She rolled her eyes, “why?!” she wasn’t a Septiplier fan to be honest, not until she learned it was real; then she became the official unofficial captain of that ship!

“Because I love him” he smiled, “and he doesn’t love me, he loves _her_ ”

“But he can! He can love you too!” she fought

“Even if he did love me, I still have ta leave. Trust me, long distance relationships suck. Anyway he knows how I feel, and I got some kisses out of it” he grinned “I’ll be alright”

She took a deep breath to calm her nerves down

“I should be going now” he hugged them both again, “I’ll Skype yeh when I get home, promise”

Both women watch as the Irishman disappeared between the sea of people. “Do you think he’ll really be alrright?”

Mrs. Jaqueline nodded, guiding Dahlia out with a hand on her back, “he’s a strong young man”

“He is… You wanna watch some of his videos?”

**∧∨**

Seán had finally made it to the assigned gate, now sitting down staring at the messages on his phone again.

**Mark**  
_I’m meeting with Amy later today_

**Seán**  
_Good Luck!_

**Mark**  
_I really wish you’d be more upset about this_

**∧∨**

**MARK’S POV**

_What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?_

Mark sat in a booth in the far back of the restaurant, it wasn’t very crowded for him to be hiding but this was the booth he and Amy had sat down in the first time they met. Even though today it wasn’t the blonde he had in his mind.

He glanced at the phone in his hands for the fifth time in the past 10 minutes. He had texted Seán about his “date” with Amy, but the Irishman had only wished him good luck. He was honestly upset Seán wasn’t upset. _Damn you for being nice, you Irish asshole. I need you to be angry. Give me an excuse to run to you._

But he knew Seán wasn’t going to do that because Seán had told him the day before he was happy with just knowing he knew about his feeling, even if they weren’t reciprocated.

Though at this point, Mark wasn’t sure if that was true anymore.

“Mark?”

He looked up at his …girlfriend? ...ex-girlfriend? …they were on a break… 

He looked up at Amy. “Hi” he stood up slowly, inviting her to take the seat across from him, and sitting down again when she did.

She looked around the place smiling, “of course you would pick this place”

“We’re in the same booth, too!” he chuckled

She joined him “I noticed!”

They soon fell into a familiar conversation as their waitress came and went with their order, Amy was sipping on a tall drink while Mark told her about something Chica had done that morning. She laughed, but her mind was clearly somewhere else.

“What are you thinking about?”

“How’s Seán?” Mark looked down, embarrassed, “you did talk to him, didn’t you?”

“I did” he admitted playing with the straw of his own drink, she was quiet, waiting for him to say _anything_. “He… he wants us to fix things between us” he gave her his phone, with the messages open for her to read.

She nodded, giving it back to him, “and what do you want?”

He sighed, thanking the waitress as she had come back with their food. He pushed some vegetables on his plate around with his fork, not bringing himself to look at her. “I want us to be good, whether we’re together or not”

“You know, he tried to tell me” It was her turn to play with her food now, “he asked me about your sexuality when he told me you kissed”

He smirked, “he asked everyone that”

She shook her head, a sad smile on her lips, “I was so stupid, I told him he had to go through me to get to you like I freaking own you or something”

Mark chuckled, “don’t worry, I was an ass to him too”

“That doesn’t make it any better!”

“No, it doesn’t” he agreed as he quietly began to eat his food, wanting to end the conversation for now.

They finished their food sometime later, and the waitress had come back to collect the empty plates and ask if they wanted desserts, to which Amy declined and asked for the check instead.

“So what now?” Amy asked once the waitress had left their table.

“I think, I would like to see you again”

“You’re asking me on a date?”

He smiled, “we’re technically not together anymore” he reminded her, emphasizing the part where the break was her idea.

She nodded, “what about Seán?”

“He leaves in four days” he sighed, “even if we try, it’ll probably not work from 5,000 miles apart”

“And I’m here” she bowed her head

“And I love you”, he corrected, pushing her chin up with a finger, it wasn’t a lie.

“Ok” she smiled, “never thought I’d be giving the weirdo that says ‘I love you’ on the first date a second chance, but I guess there’s a first time for everything”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been doing a playlist of the songs on the titles... I've tried to get songs that have something related to the chapter. I think I've done pretty well so far. If you're interested here's that [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmiDM6QSL_rNScHtNZz67655OqNkVYQ2_).


	13. You're The Reason I'm Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Would you put your lips on mine and love the aftertaste  
> Now I'm a ghost, I call your name, you look right through me  
> You're the reason I'm alone and masturbate"  
>  **~Jon Bellion – All Time Low~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for a Plot Twist?  
> You might have noticed there are some new tags and warnings. yea, it's not on this one but it's coming and some of you might not like it so much (trust me I don't like it either) but it has to happen.  
> (((I had a minor breakdown after writing a chapter last night)))
> 
> I want to let it be clear that although (most of) the characters in this story are real people the story itself is COMPLETELY FICTIONAL.
> 
> and I know Seán doesn't live in Ireland anymore but for the sake of the story let's pretend he still does.  
> \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been about two and a half months since Seán decided to leave LA early without saying goodbye and even though Mark had been initially upset with him about it, they had managed to talk and work it out.

Things weren’t exactly the same as before, Seán knew they weren’t going to be from the get-go. You can’t exactly tell one of your closest friends that you’re bisexual for him, fool a bit, and then expect everything to go back to normal like nothing had happened. But Mark _was_ talking to him, so that was good.

After the first month of no social interactions (or videos together), the fans began conspiring again, much like the last time they took a break from each other (to calm the Septiplier madness… God if they only knew now).

They slowly eased into it by the second month, playing video games with friends just for fun at first. They played with Felix and Ken once, and that did not go well when they both found out what had happened on his Holiday. Long story short; Felix and Ken were not happy with Mark and tore him a new asshole, and even though it was hard to hear, Seán silently agreed with everything they had said. They played exclusively with Wade, Bob and/or Ethan for a while after that.

Today Seán sat in front of his computer cleaning tears out of his eyes from how much he had been laughing. Mark, Bob, Wade and himself had just finished recording their first video back together and were now just talking over Skype. 

At some point, Bob and Wade said their goodbyes and it was just him and Mark now.

“How are you?”

For a moment Mark seemed confused by the question, but soon smiled, “I’m good, you?”

Seán shrugged, “I’m fine. I still masturbate to yeh, if that’s what ye’re really asking” he watched Mark throw his head back laughing, “how are things with Amy going?”

“We're still dating” he locked eyes with the Irishman, for only a second, then looked down at something far more interesting on his desk as he continued talking, “how long do you think I have to date my own girlfriend until she becomes my girlfriend again?”

Seán chuckled, “I don’t know man, I’ve never dated anyone while on a break with them”, his text tone sounded then and he quickly checked his phone. “That’s Robin, he’s on his way here”

“Oh, you guys going somewhere?”

He texted a reply and set the phone back down, “the hospital actually, Make a Wish contacted me a few days ago and asked if I could go see a young boy with leukimia”

“Oh! That's awesome”

“Yeah, no idea why he wants to see me but, I guess we'll make it work. I’ll talk to yeh later, then?”

“Yeah, if you want, I’ll be here”

“Alright” he smiled, “love you”

Mark smiled, he didn’t say it back, just nodded, and Seán was ok with that. He wasn’t expecting an answer, he didn’t the first time he said it either. It was just a reminder that he still did. Mark never tried to stop him, so that’s how he had ended every conversation they had had since they were back in talking terms.

“bye _hwalyeohan_ ”

The window closed as Mark finished the video call and Seán sat there smiling to himself at the pet name the half-Korean had given him and stuck to.

Robin got there a little bit later and together they made their way to a Children’s Hospital in the city.

**∧∨**

After meeting with the hospital’s director and getting a tour of the hospital, Seán and Robin were waiting to meet the boy’s Doctor in a colorful exam room, they would tell them more about the illness and everything they needed to know about the patient before actually meeting him.

Seán sat on the small exam table, kicking his legs back and forth while Robin pretended to give him a checkup with the otoscope and other medical devices attached to the wall.

“Take a picture of me!” Seán laughed, making a pouty face as the Swede obliged.

Right then a man in a white coat, looking to be not that older than the YouTubers, came in the room, staring at both of them with a slight smile on his lips. “Aren't yeh a little too big fer that, bud?”. Seán immediately jumped down from the table mumbling apologies, but the man waved his hand telling him it was nothing. He sat behind the desk, quickly working his finger over the keyboard. “Seán McLoughlin, right? Ye're here for David Anglin?”

He didn't understand why he was suddenly so flustered, but he swallowed and nodded "uh, yeah, yeah, I'm him". Robin cleared his throat to remind them that he was still also there, and Seán quickly introduced him too.

The man nodded, never stopping his typing, “’m Dr. Darrick Byrne”, he introduced himself and typed some more before closing the window and turning to face them again, on his stool. He proceeded to, very professionally, talk to them about the boy, and explained the illness and the treatment he was receiving. 

In all honesty, Seán should have been paying a lot more attention but the doctor was very distracting.

Maybe it was his heterochromatic brown and blue eyes or the strong stubble covered jaw, perhaps the high cheekbones and plump lips, or simply the combination of his milky white skin and black hair.

Goddamn. Very distracting, indeed.

“dude!”

Seán turned his head to find Robin chuckling at him, “what?”

“You're drooling a bit, man”

“No, I’m not,” he wiped his mouth anyway, “shut up”

A soft laugh from across the room reminded them they weren’t alone, and his face turned a shade darker when the doctor spoke again, “shall we go now, or do I need to repeat meself?”

“No, I got it, I’m sorry”, he heard Robin snort, and he purposely bumped into him while grabbing the goodie bag he had brought with them, “we can go now”

**∧∨**

The face David made when he saw Seán standing by the door of his room was the best thing the green haired man had experienced in a long time.

He had brought the teenage boy a shirt and hat from his merch and a medium size Septic Sam plushie, Robin gave him a Pixlpit's Jacksepticeye figure, and as a bonus from the foundation, a signed Nintendo Switch with Mario Kart; They played and talked for hours. Dr. Byrne coming in to check on them sporadically, while Robin took pictures and made conversation with the parents, and even played a few rounds with them. 

Seán refused to leave until he made sure David had gone to sleep after getting some tests done.

They said they’re goodbyes and were heading into the elevator, to leave the hospital when Dr. Byrne came jogging after them. “Mr. McLoughlin!”

“Dr. Bryne”

“please, call me Darrick” he smiled a toothy smile

He returned it, “Seán”

“right,” he laughed, “I just wanted to thank you, fer taking the time out of yer busy schedule to come ‘ere. Yeh really didn’t need to”

“of course I needed to, and it was no trouble at all, I'm glad I got to meet David, he’s a great kid”

The doctor nodded, “well, thank yeh anyway”, he handed Seán a business card then, “my number is in there, yeh can call anytime if yeh want to know how he’s doing, or just to grab a cup of coffee or go out fer dinner, whatever ye’re up to”

“oh”

“It was an absolute pleasure meeting yeh, Seán”

He stared at the card in his hand, then up to watch him walk away. He looked at Robin next, “did he just…”

“asked you out?” Robin was practically jumping in place, “fuck yeah he did!”

**∧∨**

Seán lay in his bed wide awake, a white rectangular piece of hard paper in his hand.

He couldn’t deny that the doctor was attractive; he was downright staring at him at one point. But the question was, was he ready to try and date him?

That hadn’t worked well for him before.

He turned to the digital clock by his bed and saw it was a little bit past midnight now, which meant it was a little bit past 4 PM in LA. He messaged Mark through the Skype app and a few minutes later that same app began ringing.

“Hey, is everything ok?”

He smiled at the deep voice that greeted him, “yeah, I just… I love you, y’know”

The half Korean laughed, “Seán, are you drunk?”

“No, I just wanted yeh to know that”

Mark was thoughtful, “are you sure you’re ok?”

“I met someone today”

“oh”

“He sorta gave me his number and asked me out”

“ _oh_ ”

Seán bit his lip nervously, “what should I do?”

Mark was quiet again, “you haven’t answer _him_ yet?”

“Well, no, it wasn’t a ‘do you gonna go out with me’ thing, he just gave me his number and casually mentioned dinner”, he flips the card still in his hand, “I wanted to talk to yeh ‘bout it first”

Mark hummed, “I can’t really make that decision for you, Jack”

_No! not Jack! What happened to Seán? What happened to gorgeous?_

He sighed, “I know”

“It’s late there, why don’t you just sleep on it and then we’ll talk again in the morning if you want to”

“ok”

“Bye Jack”

And the phone flew across the room. _stupid Mark._


	14. Room To Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dearest enemy, I fear that  
> You will just lose me along the way  
> Somewhere between the fake smiles and your free drinks  
> Please don’t smother me, I swear that  
> I need some room to breathe while with you"  
>  **~You Me At Six - Contagious Chemistry~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys think Jack can make it to 18M subs by November??? I think he can do it, he went from 14 to 15 in 4 months, so why the hell not. I believe in him! (I'll come back to this chappy and change the number to whatever it is then, but for now this is fine).
> 
> UPDATE 11/10/17 - welp. Our boi made it to 17M. HEY that's still not bad!!

Seán didn’t understand. He just didn’t. He thought, since Mark didn’t feel the same way as he did, he could encourage him to either neglect or take the offer, he really didn’t care which one he just wanted Mark to tell him what to do.

But instead, Mark ended up taking the only thing he was left hanging on to; his name.

No one but his family and really close friends called him Seán. I mean, some fans had started calling him Seán when they found out that was his given name, but they weren’t many. And, businesses, important people. Actually, there were a lot of people that used his real name, but not his youtube friends!

Not Felix, nor Wade or Bob, or Ken, or the Grumps, and especially not Mark!

So it was really nice when Mark had made an effort to call the Irishman by his birth name. It felt personal, and it felt good.

But now as there was potentially someone else in the picture, Mark decided to drop the name.

_WHY?!_

While in thought, Seán had also figured that just staring at the phone on the floor from his spot on the bed was not gonna make it magically appear in his hands. The force was not strong with this one, unfortunately.

He dragged himself out of bed and grabbed the device from where he had thrown it to the night before. He made sure he hadn’t damaged it before unlocking it and checking for messages or calls. Of course, he had neither.

It was way too early to be worrying about anything, so he collected himself and headed to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

He busied himself in his office until 9:30 AM and it wasn’t until then when he finally pushed back and took a break. Now that it was back to being only him in his apartment he had no restriction on how early he could get up to work, even if today that time had been 5 AM.

He stretched, walking to the bathroom and then to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. He searched for the last number added to his contacts on his phone.

_If Mark wants to be petty, I can be petty too_

And then he realized he had no idea what to do or say, so he decided to text.

**The Doctor**  
_Good morning, Dr. Byrne_  
_hope I’m not bothering you_

He cursed himself, this was stupid.

His phone ‘ding’

_who is this?_

Oh dear God, you fucking idiot, you have his number; he doesn’t have yours! Tell him your name!

_I’m sorry, this is Seán, from the hospital yesterday_  
_McLoughlin_

He brought the phone up to his forehead, hard and continuously. “ye’re” hit “a” hit “feckin’” hit “idiot” hit “idiot” hit “idiot” hit “idi…” his phone dinged.

_oh. Lol_  
_Well, Good morning to you too, Seán_  
_McLoughlin_  
_and no, you are not bothering me_

He bit his lip nervously, ok what now. His phone dinged again.

_What’s up?_

He hadn’t thought of anything else past “good morning”. What the fuck was he even doing. Another ding.

_I’m at the hospital right now, but maybe you’ll like to join me for a coffee at lunchtime?_

Seán was glad at least someone knew what they were doing. He double checked the time, noting that if he left now, he’d make it to the city in time.

_coffee sounds good_

He finished the cup of the stuff he was currently drinking and headed up to his room, grabbing his glasses, wallet, and keys.

His heart was racing, and his hands trembling as he grabbed his jacket and beanie and walked out of his apartment into the cold November air.

His body was currently running on nothing but adrenaline, and pettiness, but he was gonna flow with it.

If anything, he was just going to enjoy the new experience. He couldn’t really dwell on his feelings for Mark forever now, and even if nothing came out of it and it ended up failing just like all his previous relationships, welp at least he tried.

Once on the bus, half way to his destination he received a text from Darrick telling him he might be running a little late. Seán was relief by this, not because he was also running late, but because the doctor could maybe perhaps cancel the “Meeting”. 

By now his spur of the moment adrenaline rush was gone and doubt had settled in its place.

It took half an hour more than the usual to arrive at his last stop, and Seán cursed; he cursed the buses he had taken, he cursed the traffic and living so far from everything, he cursed himself for agreeing and even initiating _this_ , he cursed Darrick for being so good looking and, fucking nice, what was he even doing waiting for him?! 

But on the outside; Seán smiled.

The doctor waved at him as he got out of the bus, “yeh should have told me it was a long trip, I wouldn’t have made yeh come all da way down ‘ere”

Seán shrugged, “Hey I agreed to it, didn’t I?”

“that yeh did” he nodded smiling widely, “come on, there’s a coffee shop near ‘ere”

They walked a few blocks in silence, Seán following behind playing with the strings of his jacket.

“are yeh ok?” the older Irishman asked, lilt heavier on his tongue, “yeh can tell me, I’m a doctor”

Seán chuckled at that, nodding, “yeh I’m alright, sorry”

They made it to a quaint little coffee shop hidden right in the middle of two much taller buildings. Seán thought it was adorable, and let his eyes wander around as the doctor opened the door for him to come inside.

They found a table at the far left, against the wall. Darrick pulled a chair for the green-haired man and smiled as he watched him get red in the face, “yeh don’t have to apologize if yer not comfortable being ‘ere all yeh have to do is tell me”

“Thank you, I appreciate that I’m just…” Seán looked around, fiddling with his fingers, “I’ve never done anything like this before”

“go on a date? How old are yeh?”

“I’ve been on dates before!” Seán said defensively, “I’ve just never been on a date with another man”

Darrick grinned, “well, like I said, yeh can tell me if yer uncomfortable with anythin'”

He nodded, “I’m 27, by the way”

“hmm”

“what?”

“nothing, yeh look younger, that is all” he leaned in his chair, looking up and down at the man across from him, “24, or 25 I would have said”

Seán smirked, “yeh like ‘em young, doctor?”

He waved a hand, laughing “it’s not like ’m that old, geez, ’m only 32”

Seán nodded, “still if I was 24 that’d be a 9-year difference, I’d think ye’re old, doctor”

“Age is nothing but a number” He huffed, “plus, ye’re not 24”

Seán laughed, feeling a little bit more relaxed. “5 years is not that bad”

They order their coffee and Seán was pleasantly surprised to learn the young doctor also liked his coffee dark.

“Really? only two sugars?” the doctor had asked, “yeh seem so full of energy, so sweet, would have expected way more sugar than that”

And Seán found his color for the rest of the day would be red.

They only had an hour before Darrick had to go back to his shift, and they decide to talk about their work.

Seán can’t really comprehend why such a handsome young pediatric oncologist would be interested in something as unimportant as himself and his youtube career, but the doctor asks questions and if it turned out he really didn’t care; he was a damn good actor, too. He seemed fascinated by the following the green haired man has made for himself as if treating childhood cancer was nothing but a walk in the park.

“17 million?”

Seán nods, looking down at the empty cup of coffee in his hands, “just because I scream at my computer”

“Yeh must be doing more than just that” and the doctor had engulfed his hands in his own, “17 million is a lot of people, they must really see just how amazing yeh truly are”

“Yeh just met me,” Seán countered, fighting the cracks in his voice, “yeh don’t know me yet”

“I could if yeh let me”

He shrugged, “I-I don’t see why not”

Darrick smiled, letting go of his hands and momentarily focusing on his phone, “will yeh be alright getting back home?”

Seán looked at his own phone for the time, it was almost 12 PM, the doctor had to go back. He nodded, “I’m a big boy, Athlone is just a hop, skip, and a jump away”

“can I see yeh again, soon?” Seán found himself nodding, “good. Let me know yeh got home safe” he kissed the younger on the cheek and waved goodbye as he left the shop.

And Seán made it home in a daze, so happily confused the hour long ride back didn’t bother him as much.

He liked talking to the doctor, he liked the teenage crush feeling he got when being near him, he liked that for a moment it wasn’t Mark the one in his mind.

Which tonight he had decided he wasn’t gonna text either. Pettiness, and all that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it normal to hate a character you created???? because dammit I hate this guy.


	15. Didn't Know What To Wear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you like my stupid hair?  
> Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?  
> I'm just scared of what you think  
> You make me nervous so I really can't eat”  
>  **~Blink-182 – First Date~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo, this whole date thing was 14 pages long... so you get 1/3 of it today. Also, this is where things start to get complicated (Don't worry about it right now tho, Chapter 17 is the not nice chapter). I hope you guys were paying attention to the last chapter 'cause there's one line, just one subtle line that points towards the route Darrick is taking. Cookies to anyone that caught on to it.
> 
> Also, when you read the description of what Seán's wearing, think that selfie he posted with the Pinstripe Scarf on, but with his hair brushed :P

“Just email me the videos when their done as yeh usually would, Dahlia has remote connection to my computer, she’ll take care of the second upload”

Seán talked to his employees idly over Skype as he queued the first video. Robin and Dahlia, his most recently made LA friend and new assistant, locked eyes over the screen.

“Can you just go get ready already” Robin spoke up, “we’re not babies, we know how to do our jobs”

“I know, I know, it’s just…” Seán ruffled his recently re-dyed green hair, “I wanna make sure everything goes right, I’ve never missed a video before”

“And you won’t start today” Dahlia countered, “It’s not like we haven’t done this before”

“Yeah but I was here helping yeh”

“I’ll call Robin if I have any problems… which I won’t!” the Hispanic girl smiled, “now just go wash your smelly ass”

Robin laughed as Seán scrunched up his face and pouted, “I don’t wanna”

“Now you go get your ass in the shower young man!” Robin pointed a finger, “go have a good time, relax, you deserve it”

“Ugh, whatever, ye’re not my real dad”

They all laughed and said their goodbyes, Seán not really wanting to go anywhere… Except, that wasn’t entirely true.

Over the past three weeks, he and the doctor had continued seeing each other; sometimes Seán would make the trip to the hospital and they would have coffee and bagels together during Darrick’s lunch break. Other times, they would meet half way for brunch and a little chat. 

But today the doctor was in town for the weekend; _his_ town. 

Apparently, there was a doctor’s convention in Athlone and Darrick was invited to it, meaning he was literally minutes away from Seán for three whole days.

Of course, when he asked him to go on a proper date, Seán couldn’t really say no. Not that he wanted to decline, he really enjoyed being with the doctor, but as hard as he wanted to not think about a certain half-Asian 5,000 miles away, the harder it got.

He wanted to give Darrick a chance.

He finally decided to get up from his chair and take a long warm shower. When done, he fixed a pair of black skinny jeans on, a long sleeve dark red and black striped shirt, and black dress boots. He put on a little bit of cologne, his glasses and for some reason his plugs.

He called his team again when he was done.

Robin whistled at him as his image materialized on the computer screen, “hot”

He rolled his eyes, “Thanks”

“I mean it, you look good man”

“I agree, boss!” Dahlia chimed in, a wide smiled spread on her lips. “Lucky the motherfucker that gets to be seen with you tonight”

“Whatever” Seán blushed, looking down momentarily, “is everything going well, so far?”

“Nope. About a million people have unsubscribed alrready, they hate you Seán, you’re done, Jacksepticeye is dead” Dahlia said in a deadpan voice, “It’s been like 3 minutes since the video went up, and you queued it! Fucking relax, dude!”

“What she said” Robin nodded, then turned his attention to her, “you have a bit of a pouty mouth, you know that, right?”

She stuck her tongue out at him, and Seán chuckled.

“I’m sorry, I know ‘m stressing. Yeh guys are the best, we’ll be fine”, the buzzer rang then, and his heart skipped a couple of beats.

“ _You_ ’ll be fine” Robin coached

“Go enjoy yourself, boss, we’ll man the fort fine over here”

“I’ll make sure she doesn’t break anything,” Robin said in a whisper, cupping his mouth, even though she could clearly still see and hear him.

“Oh God, I really want ta cancel now”

“GO!” x2

The buzzer rang again and Seán jumped, closing down Skype. He took a deep breath and made his way to the front of the door where the intercom was, “yes?”

“Seán?”

“Hi doctor”, he heard Darrick chuckled and buzzed him in.

He ran to the bathroom to empty his nervous bladder and wash his hands and face, before running back to open the door when he heard a knock on it.

Darrick stood tall in front of him, hands on his back. Seán shamelessly looked him up and down a couple times. 

The doctor wore a white button-up shirt underneath a navy blue long sleeve sweater and dark gray blazer, with blue jeans and tan color dress shoes. 

He wore his black hair slicked back as he usually did, and a perfectly curved smile on his lips, his brown/blue eyes slightly squinted.

At that moment Seán felt severely underdressed, and completely out of this man’s league. “Yeh look amazing,” he said blushing

The man smiled brighter, “and yeh look as handsome as always”

Seán mumbled a ‘thanks’, grabbed his Pinstripe scarf and black wool pea coat and closed the door behind, following the doctor out of the building and into his car.

He focused on looking out the window as Darrick drove them to a restaurant, listening to the music on the radio, playing with his scarf.

The car stopped momentarily at a traffic light and the doctor pressed a hand against the side of Seán’s neck, sending shivers down his spine as he ever so slowly grazed his earlobe with his thumb. “These are new”, he commented referring to his pierced ears.

“I got them when I was 20”, he said, bringing his hands to the small black plugs in his lobes, “I can take them off if yeh don’t like ‘em”

Darrick said nothing, bringing his hand back to the steering wheel instead as the light had changed.

“I don’t usually wear them,” Seán said quietly, as he pulled them out and shoved them in his pockets, “I don’t know why I put ‘em on in da first place”

The older man only smiled briefly in his direction as he continued driving with his eyes on the road for the rest of the trip. Seán went back to playing with his scarf.

Not that long after they were pulling into a parking spot, in a restaurant the green haired Irishman had never been to before.

Darrick was waiting for him by the front of the car when he got out. He wasn’t really paying attention to the man, focusing on his own feet as he walked, letting out a surprised yelp when the black haired man grabbed his hand and guided him towards the building.

_ye’re just nervous, Seán. Relax_


	16. I'm Not O-f*cking-K

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But you really need to listen to me  
> Because I'm telling you the truth  
> I mean this  
> I'm okay!  
> (Trust me)”  
>  **~ My Chemical Romance - I’m Not OK~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early because I might not be able to do it tomorrow!
> 
> and now we see Darrick's true colors slip... Part 2 of 3... next Friday will be the end of the wild ride that is this date, and you might not like it.
> 
> Also, I apologize if I got dates and ages wrong.

“Reservation fer two. Dr. Byrne” Darrick spoke firmly, and Seán smiled as the hostess looked down at their interwind hands.

“Right this way, sirs”, she motion for them to follow her after checking her reservation book. “A waitress will be with yeh momentarily”, she announced once they were seated, she gave them their menus and excused herself.

“this is nice”, Seán mentioned as he looked around the place, it wasn’t super fancy but still fancy enough to put some thought into your outfit; Darrick looked like he belonged.

“Yeh need to stop thinking so much,” the older man told him, peering from behind his menu, “I can hear yeh doubting yerself since we left yer place”

“I’m sorry”

He put the menu down and grabbed his hands, “don’t be, yeh look great”

Seán blushed as a young woman was now standing by their table. “Hi, my name’s Alexa and I’ll be yer waitress tonight. May I start yeh off with something to drink?”

The younger man opened his mouth to speak but Darrick cut him up, “yes can we have two pints of the black stuff”

The woman began writing in her notepad, “actually,” Seán tried speaking again, glancing quickly at his date before turning to her, “Can I have some tea, instead. Chamomile?”

“Of course,” she added it to her pad, “a pint of Guinness, and a cup of chamomile tea; anything else?”

“That’ll be all fer now” Darrick waved her off

“I don’t really like Guinness”, Seán explained once the waitress left their side, the other chuckled, “I know, ‘m a horrible Irishman”

“It's fine, I shouldn’t have tried ordering fer yeh,” he went to grab his hands again, “but Chamomile? Are yeh nervous ‘m gonna hurt yeh or some’ing?”

 _yes_ “no”

“Relax”, the doctor echoed his own previous thoughts, patting his hands as he set them back down on the table.

The waitress came back with their drinks a few minutes later, “Are yeh ready to order, or da yeh need a few more minutes?”

Darrick looked up at him this time, before speaking, “do yeh want some appetizers?” he asked pointing at something on his own menu.

Seán smiled “yeah, that’ll be nice”

“Do yeh know what yeh want?” the younger nodded, and the doctor turned to the young lady “we’ll have the roasted tomatoes and Fromage Blanc crostini as appetizers, and for entrée, I’ll have the teriyaki salmon. Seán?”

“Can I have the pesto penne pasta?”

The waitress nodded, writing everything down, she was about to excuse herself when the doctor stopped her, “could yeh bring me an Old Fashioned with the food?”

She nodded once more, jotting it down on her pad quickly and then proceeding to leave them again.

Seán took a hold of his cup of tea, blowing on it softly before drinking. He closed his eyes heaving a sigh and then found Darrick smirking at him when he opened his eyes again. “What?”

“Ye’re cute when ye’re nervous”

“’M not nervous” he mumbled, taking another sip of the hot drink.

“Will yeh look at that, the tea works!” He stuck his tongue out at him and the doctor chuckled, “I get it, ye’ve never dated another man, ye’re confused, overwhelmed”

Seán nodded, putting the cup down on the table, “I’m really not trying to be rude”

“Ye’re not,” Darrick waved his hand, “cmon, let’s talk… tell me, what made yeh pursue youtube?”

The green-haired man groaned, “why?”

“Yeah, that’s what I asked”

“Mark”, he answered reluctantly twirling his cup of tea in his hands a little, the doctor raised an eyebrow, “I started youtube because of my friend Mark, except back then he didn’t even know who I was”

“How come?”

“Back in 2012, 22 years-old Seán was a huge Markiplier fan” he explained with a smile, “he was funny and creative, and he was doing something, helping the community. I wanted to be like him, but it wasn’t until 2014 that we finally met”.

Their appetizers were brought and the young Irishman busied himself eating a few, the older man just looked curiously. “Yeh speak very fondly of him, yer eyes twinkle”

“Mark’s very special to me” he confessed quietly

Darrick didn’t press on it too hard, but the way he said his next words made Seán shutter. “I guess I must meet this Mark fellow, then”

They continued eating the pieces of toasted bread in silent until their entrées arrived. “y’know what, can I get that Guinness now?” Seán asked the waitress, _calming_ tea wasn’t calming enough.

“There yeh go, babe!” Darrick laughed making Seán blush at the pet name and then asked for another drink.

She chuckled, “yes sir, I’ll be right back with that”

They made idle talk as they ate, going back to youtube and Mark every once in a while.

“Why youtube thought?” Darrick asked, already on his second cocktail, “why not go for what Yeh graduated from?”

Seán shrugged, he had heard this question a million times before, “I already had a youtube channel when I graduated, plus hotel management wasn’t really my thing”

“But yeh were studying music before that, why didn’t yeh finish it?”

“’cause youtube became my life, it became more than a job, it was somethin’ I wanted to do ferever”

“But why?”

“Feck if I know, Darrick” he was getting annoyed, “what’s with the interrogation?”

“yeh could’ve done better”

Seán glared, _what the hell is that supposed to mean?!_. He put his fork down, and pushed the almost empty plate of food away, “well this was nice but I think I want to go home now, please”

“We ordered dessert already,” the doctor said matter-of-factly like it made a difference.

“Ask fer a box”

The older man watched as Seán crossed his arms in front of his chest, he called their waitress over telling her to box their dessert and gave her his credit card for the check. He shook his head, watching as the younger man stared at his lap “yeh don’t have to get upset, Seán”

“It’s my job!” Seán looked up at him, then, tears threatening to fall from his eyes “I’m sorry ‘m not a sophisticated doctor like you”.

The young waitress came back with their bagged food and a receipt for him to sign. He thanks her and gives her a few loose bills, as he stands from his chair. He offered to help Seán but the green-haired man was already up putting his jacket back on and hurrying out to the car. 

Darrick followed begrudgingly, not ready to end the night. He unlocked the car with his beeper from a couple of feet away, letting Seán get in before him. He settled on the driver seat and opened the top, letting the cold late-November air rush the heat off. He groaned loudly, raking fingers thru his hair, “I didn’t mean to belittle yeh”

“Well, yeh did”

The man put a hand on his knee, squeezing lightly, “’m sorry Seán”

He looked down at the hand, and up at brown/blue eyes. _Why did he want this to work?_ He sighed, “Just take me home”

Darrick drove quietly for most of the trip, halfway there, however, he pulled the car over to the side of the road, startling the YouTuber. “What are yeh doing?”

“I don’t want yeh to be angry at me, Seán” his hands up in his hair again, “’m an idiot”

Seán had to agree with that, “a little bit”. He leaned back in his seat, looking up at the dark, star filled sky, “I like what I do, it might not be much fer other people but it’s everything to me”

He felt a hand on his neck, much like earlier that night, but this time Darrick was pulling him in. Seán turned slowly to meet mismatch eyes as their foreheads made contact with each other, “’m sorry” the doctor said again and he pressed his lips against Seán’s.

It was dry and bitter, both the kiss and the feeling. Seán noticed it did absolutely nothing to him, yet he was quiet.

Darrick pulled apart with a soft smile and started the car again, taking them to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be wondering why is Jack being a dumb, and I just want to say that sometimes people do stupid things when they're hurt or angry. Stick with Jackaboy, he will need us all soon.


	17. All I Need Is To Be Set Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I need a little room to breathe  
> You're making this hard for me  
> When all I need is to be set free  
> I need a little time to think  
> And if you ever will love me  
> Then all I need is a little room to breathe"  
>  **~You Me At Six - Room to Breathe~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, part 3/3 of that first date... I just want to say that this, as short as it is, was by far one of the hardest things I've ever written. And it sucks because, heads up! it won't be the last of it. As someone that's been in this particular scenario before I just want to say that consent is such an important part of a healthy relationship. No means no, it's that simple. If you are not comfortable with something, say it! Please. 
> 
> I understand if you want to skip this chapter, but if you still choose to, read carefully. I love you guys so much.

Darrick had kissed him; it had been their first kiss.

Seán hadn’t liked it.

But here they were, on his couch, making out.

Seán was, so to say, between a couch and a hard doctor. He kept his hands in place on the older man’s shoulders, neither pushing or pulling him. Darrick’s hands, however, were all over him, just like his mouth.

It wasn’t bad, it was just _not Mark_.

Darrick sucked, licked and bit on his neck. He pulled on the green hair with one hand while the other explored under his shirt. Seán remembered the last time he was in this position and it hurt. Darrick wasn’t _him_.

The wandering hand left his stomach and now rested on the hem of his pants.

This time he pushes “s-stop”

His hair is pulled again, and hungry lips were back on his. The hand cupped his clothed member.

“Please, Darrick” he tried pushing again.

His button was undone and the zipper pulled down, Seán panicked when the hand was shoved in his pants. He tried to push him off, but he suddenly had no strength

His back arched, he was crying but a moan escaped him as he was stroked.

He tried to scream, but his voice was gone.

“It’ll feel good” the doctor whispered in his ear and he felt sick.

In his head and in his heart, Seán did **not** want this, but his body ached for it.

He couldn’t control the sounds that came out of him, nor thrusting into the hand that fucked him, or the heat forming in his stomach.

He tried to hold it, he didn’t want to give the prick the satisfaction of making him climax, but he was so close it hurt.

He couldn’t stop the tears running down his cheeks, or the thoughts of Mark that flashed into his mind as he spills all over himself.

Darrick bit on his neck one more time, “now that wasn’t that bad, was it?” he removes his hand and cleans it on Seán’s already dirty shirt, “go clean yerself”

Seán moves as fast as his body will let him, not being done with the afterward high but not wanting to stay near him any longer.

He removes his clothes shakingly, making sure to throw the shirt in the trash as he does.

He gets in the shower and turns the water on as hot as it can get, his pale skin turning red as it burns.

His eyes haven’t stopped shedding tears but he's not scared anymore, he’s angry; he’s angry at Darrick for doing this to him, he’s angry at himself for not being strong enough and angry at his body for betraying him.

He feels dirty. He rubs soap desperately all over his body wanting to get the feeling off of him. His skin and chest hurt and he can’t breathe, but he keeps scrubbing.

At some point, he drops to the bathtub floor and hugs his knees to his chest sobbing. 

He doesn’t know how much time he has been under the scalding water when he forces himself to get up and get out.

His legs are wobbly and he leans on the walls for balance, ignoring the excruciating pain his skin is in.

He finds clean pants and trousers in the linen cabinet in the bathroom and puts them on before going back to his room.

He stops when he finds Darrick sitting on his bed.

He wants to fight, he wants to scream at him to get the fuck out, but he’s tired and weak.

He drops next to the older man, face buried in his pillow, and he honestly hopes he suffocates there and never gets up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference for this chapter taken from here - [thenation.com](https://www.thenation.com/article/how-body-reacts-sexual-assault/).
> 
> Also, if you ever need any help...  
> National Sexual Assault Hotline  
> Call 1-800-656-4673  
> Available 24 hours every day


	18. Bittersweet Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bittersweet memories –  
> That is all I'm taking with me.  
> So good-bye.  
> Please don't cry:  
> We both know I'm not what you, you need"  
>  **~Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You~**
> 
> IDK, I was in my feels with this chapter. Have a feels song for it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MADE IT!! Chapter up on a Friday, like it should be!!!
> 
> So... a lot of things have happened this past week that have slowed down the writing process. Last Friday, like right after I posted Chapter 17, my computer crashed. IT DED. All my pictures, all my writing, all my wedding planning shit! GONE! I had nothing to post for today, and I was so sad about it I couldn't write anything new. Also, on Monday my fiance was in a car accident (he's fine!) and we've been running around trying to figure out the insurance crap and finding a rental car and it's just been a nightmare. BUT yesterday everything came thru. Finally got in contact with the insurance, and I finally wrote something. And I finished editing it just now and I'm happy with it. So, here it is!
> 
> ANYWAY  
> This one is a little on the short side (literally 155 more words than chapter 17). AND it's Mark's POV! AND it takes place the same day as the previous one (LA is 8hrs behind Ireland - so, late afternoon in LA/nighttime in Ireland).
> 
> ENJOY!

It had been three weeks; three weeks since Mark last hear that Irish lilt he had come to love.

Videos didn't cut it, they didn't make justice to the real deal.

Seán wasn't as loud as Jack was. Seán was quieter, believe it or not, he was more serious while managing to still be silly at the same time.

Mark missed Seán.

He recalled the last time he talked to the Irishman, Seán had asked for his advice, for his permission even, and Mark pushed him away.

_WHY?_

He didn't know, he just... why did he want to date someone else?

_Because, you idiot, you have a girlfriend and he has the right to be happy_

He raked a hand through his hair, pulling the long strands over his face, heaving a sigh.

And Mark wanted him to be happy. He thought the distance between them would make things better again, he thought this is what he wanted.

Just like he had thought before that sneaking around in the middle of the night, slipping into bed with the slim man and kissing his pink lips would make him believe Mark wasn't what he wanted.

Because, reverse psychology, right?

Maybe the way Seán would moan out his name, and be pushed almost over the edge by just being kissed should have given Mark a clue.

Maybe he should have stopped then.

Maybe he shouldn't have started in the first place.

Maybe he shouldn't have liked it too.

He decided to push _that_ thought aside for a moment to call the green haired man. He needed to hear his voice, just one more time, before accepting any feelings other than friendship that he might be having.

The Skype tone sounded against his ear, as he waited for the call to be answered.

"Hello"

He frowned, his heart racing

"Hello?"

Seán was comforting, refreshing, strong enough to cause a storm. Seán was rain. Mark could get lost in it, get lost looking at it, enjoy a good cup of coffee wrap around a comfy blanket in front of the fireplace with it.

This wasn't Seán.

"Don't yeh think it's a lil' late ta be making prank calls... _Mark_?"

The Irish lilt that talked was like sand. Dry, raspy, hot (not in the good way). The complete opposite of rain; a desert.

"Who is this? How do you know my name?"

"Oh hey, there yeh are" the voice laughed, "I'm Darrick, and there's a thing called contacts; Yeh called Seán, didn't yeh? He has yer number saved"

 _Derick_? Was that the guy Seán wanted to date? He sounds like a douchebag.

"Where is he? I need to talk to him"

He scoffed and laughed, "again, a Lil' late don't yeh think? Seán's taking a shower, we had quite a busy evening"

Mark didn't like him.

"can you just... you know what, nevermind" he hung up

Mark leaned back in his chair, sighing again. He had been doing that a lot today.

Seán was seeing someone. Just when Mark thought he could be having feelings towards the Irishman, he goes and forgets about him.

"Maybe it's for the best," he tells himself

"what's for the best?" he hears a quiet voice from the door

He looks over at his girlfriend and smiled, "just... nothing to be concerned of" he waves her to come over and she sits on his lap.

Amy ruffled his hair, and smiles, as he hugs her waist and buries his face in her neck. 

They stay like that for a few minutes, soaking in each other's company, until Mark speaks again.

"I thought, I was ok with it" his voice was almost a whisper but still loud enough for her to hear

"is this about Seán?" he nodded, and she sighed brushing his hair back with her fingers while simultaneously pushing his face away from her body with her other hand. "Mark, I love you, but we can't keep doing this" 

He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again, she watched him do this a couple more times, waiting patiently. Nothing came out.

She stood up, wiping her eyes off unshed tears, "take some time for yourself, think about what you really want at this point, and whatever that ends up being, whenever that is, I will still always be here for you as the best friend I could possibly be". 

Was this what Mark wanted? Probably not, but it would have been selfish of him to ask her to stay through his bi-curious journey.

She cleaned his tears and kissed his forehead, squeezing his hands one last time before leaving.

_What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will probably be in Darrick's POV, ugh.


	19. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"  
> I can't help this awful energy  
> God damn right, you should be scared of me  
> Who is in control?"  
>  **~Halsey – Control~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys!!! I got my new computer in the mail yesterday!!! she's so pwetty! I named her Cyanne (like Cheyenne, but Cyan because she's blue :D). Anyway, yeah. There's no reason for me to tell you that, I just love it.
> 
> BUT here it is Chapter 19, from Darrick side of things... This goes back to the first time he and Seán met, up to the abuse night (Chapter 17-18).
> 
> I realize the last three chapters (counting this one) have been kinda different, more narrative and less conversation, I just wanted to show what was going on inside their heads more in depth. I will most likely go back to the way it used to be before but if you guys like this format better let me know, I am not opposed to it at all.

The blue eyes were hypnotizing, the baby face and pink lips alluring, the slim, well-proportioned body entrancing.

The green hair was a little too excessive. But by God, if Darrick didn't want everything else.

He could deal with it; he could deal with the excessiveness that was Seán McLoughlin if it meant he could have it all by the end of the day.

But he had to win the young man over first. 

It had been clear from the start that Seán had found the doctor attractive but good looks alone wasn't gonna cut it.

He was young, nervous, naive. Darrick had to fix him before he could have him.

He started by giving him space, taking him to stupid little places where the green-haired idiot would feel comfortable, like the coffee shop by the hospital, or the park down by the lake.

He listened, too. God was he a great listener.

YouTube this, YouTube that, the community this, Markiplier that. _Ugh, gag me!_

Darrick had told him he had a reason to be in town that weekend, the truth was he just had had enough of beating around the bushes.

He decided, after having a couple drinks at the hotel's open bar, that he would make Seán his, one way or another.

**∧∨**

To be honest, Darrick really liked the way Sean's blue eyes crinkled when he smiled, and those damn pink lips drove the man insane. 

He also liked the way those black jeans hugged his every curve, and he could only imagine what it would feel like to dig his nails into his hips.

What he really didn't like were those things in his ears, like he needed to bring even more attention to himself.

It was very easy to manipulate someone as insecure as Seán was at the moment; new to the experience, constantly looking for his approval.

He was happy Seán allowed him to touch him, it sent shivers all over his body just to feel the soft skin under his palm.

He held his neck, rubbed at the ear, saw the man shudder and mumble apologies, smiling to himself when the insecure young man unconsciously did exactly what he wanted.

He bit his lips as he held his hands, imagining where else he could put them on.

Darrick was drunk.

Drunk in lust. Drunk in ecstatic. Drunk in anticipation.

Drunk on alcohol... but that wasn't anything new. It was something he knew how to handle, something he knew how to hide well.

Or so he thought.

This Mark fellow kept coming up on their conversation, and he didn't like the way just the thought of him could bring the purest smile out of Seán.

YouTube was a touchy subject, too, apparently.

He didn't like Seán's tone when he spoke to him, he didn't like the sudden confidence that drove the younger to put an end to their date.

He gave him space again. He opens the top of his convertible and gave him a sense of freedom.

He told him what he thought he wanted to hear and took his opportunity as soon as he saw his chance.

**∧∨**

Seán stood shyly, in front of his door.

Darrick didn’t ask if he could come with, he just did.

“are we good?” he asked, staring at blue eyes.

“We're OK” he answered, playing with his scarf again.

OK wasn’t good. “Can we work on it?”

Seán nodded, a little smile on his lips, Darrick liked it.

He kissed him again, soft at first, slowly, then deeper, hungrier.

Seán invites him in, rosy cheeks and flustered.

Maybe things moved a little too fast, maybe not fast enough, it all depends on who you asked, but at the end of it, Seán is a shaking crying mess.

Darrick wipes his hand and sends him away, it was a pathetic sight.

He wants more.

He pleasures himself on the couch with a still sticky hand while the water runs in the background.

He replays what just happened and comes hard with a groan.

He cleans himself on the kitchen sink while the white phone on the coffee table rings, water still running upstairs.

Darrick answers it.

It’s _Mark_.

He’s vague, mocking.

Mark hangs up and he’s proud of himself.

He considers going back to the hotel, he really does, but why should he?

He grabs a beer from the fridge and makes his way to where the sounds are coming from.

Seán doesn’t pay him any mind when he comes out and flops down on the bed next to him.

His crying again, the sound is muffled by the pillow he buried his face in, but the uncontrollable shaking of his shoulders is hard to miss.

Honestly, for Darrick, it wasn’t as bad as he was making it be.

If he **really** didn’t want it, he should have pushed harder, maybe moan less also.

Regardless, Darrick sat further up with his back against the headboard and brush the still damp hair back, comfortingly.

It was the _most_ he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will like to say before you go that the way you dress or act is not an excuse for what people do. You are not to blame for people's dickery.
> 
> Also, I hate Darrick.


	20. Can't Take Anymore of This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause I can't take anymore of this  
> I want to come apart  
> And dig myself a little hole  
> Inside your precious heart
> 
> 'Cause it's always raining in my head  
> Forget all the things I should have said
> 
> I am nothing more than  
> A little boy inside  
> That cries out for attention  
> Yet I always try to hide  
> 'Cause I talk to you like children  
> Though I don't know how I feel  
> But I know I'll do the right thing  
> If the right thing is revealed”  
>  **~Staind – Ephiphany~**
> 
> It took a lot for me not to write the whole song... it's soooo good tho. (I'm a sucker for 90s music).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Shih-Tzu, guys! We're less than 25 hits away from 2,400! Like, do you have any idea what you're reading? There are better things to read out there, like holy crap, why?! Why are you still here???? It baffles my brain BUT I mean, THANK YOU. I don't deserve it but thank you. I love you guys! :)
> 
> ANYWAYS.
> 
> I did it again... I'm sorry, guys. It's not going to be a fun one for Seán. BUT BUT BUT it's honestly not that bad, trust me, you should be glad my previous computer died and I lost what I had written in place of this. There was a lot of violence on that one, like bloody violence. So, this is better. Not good, but better.
> 
> I'm not 100% happy with it, and I hate to post something I'm not happy with, but there's not more I could do to it. 
> 
> I don't know how long this fic will be exactly, but I feel like this chapter sorta marks the half way point and honestly if it does end up being 40 chapters, it was purely coincidence.
> 
> Anywho... enough of my rambling. ENJOY!

Strong arms wrap around his waist, pulling him towards an equally strong chest.

He can feel the warm presences of breath on his neck and the rise and fall that comes with it comfortingly against his back.

He trails long fingers along the arms that hold him and the man behind him shivers, pressing kisses to his green hair.

He doesn’t have to turn back or even ask because he already knows who it is.

Mark was warm, bright, endless, perfect. Mark was Summer.

And Seán loves Summer.

He relishes in the feeling closing his eyes to enjoy it more but, as he does, a cold whiff of air comes rushing through his body. The arms around him hug him tighter and he struggles to get loose.

“Mark -ugh- ye’re hurting me”

It’s dark now, where ever he is, and he can’t see past his own nose. The hold around him doesn’t seem to lessen but somehow, he manages to turn to face his captive.

He expects to find those warm brown eyes he so much loves then, but it’s left breathless when all he finds are heterochromatic eyes instead.

Memories of the previous night come flooding through his mind and Seán screams, clutching to bed sheets.

He looks around, trying to catch his breath, and finds he’s in his bed, and everything that had just happen was nothing but a dream, or, more like a nightmare.

Well, not everything.

The smell of alcohol fills his nostrils, and he’s suddenly aware of the body stirring next to him.

He chokes on tears and jumps out of the bed quickly, feeling disgusting again just by being near him.

Brown and blue eyes blink in his direction then.

“Get out,” he says quietly

Darrick frowns, sitting up and leaning his back against the headboard, “yer over reacting, Seán, come ‘ere” he pats the still warm spot next to him in the bed while rubbing his tired eyes with his free hand.

“GET. OUT.” He says again, louder, through gritted teeth.

He scoffs. 

Darrick scoffs at him as he pulls the blanket off himself, throwing it to the side and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

He doesn’t move for a moment, just sitting there, and Seán keeps a close eye on him. He’s mostly naked, wearing nothing but skin thigh boxer briefs, and the green haired man has no idea when that happened but it terrifies him.

He watches as the muscles on Darrick’s shoulders contract and he’s finally pushing himself up off the bed.

He takes a step forward and Seán takes one back.

He takes another step and Seán bolts to the door.

It’s locked.

Of course, it’s locked.

Why would it be anything but locked?

Darrick is now behind him, gripping both arms that desperately try to pry the door open. He pulls them behind his back and pushes the younger with his body -head first- against the said door. It’s not hard enough to cause any actual damage, but Seán definitely has a headache now.

“Yeh see, Seán,” he growls, pulling the younger against his body, “I have a problem” He pauses as if waiting for him to ask what his problem was ~~because we’ve all been wondering what exactly that is too, amirite?~~ , but when no answer comes, he asks for him “Do yeh know what it is?”

“Fuck you!”

“My problem is,” he pushes forward now, forcing him to walk with him, “I don’t like to be told what do”. He pushes forward once more, letting go of his hold this time, and Seán falls face first into his bed, “and I really don’t like to be told no”.

Seán has a chance to run there, all he has to do is get up and run, but he’s paralyzed in fear again and Darrick is already on top of him, flipping him over.

He grips his arms once more, this time by the wrist, and holds them in place above his head. He straddles his waist, holding him down in place when the younger Irishman begins thrashing underneath.

“Darrick, please” he begs between sobs “I’ll do whatever yeh want, please just stop”

He is inches apart from his face, “this **is** what I want” and his lips crash down onto the green haired man’s in a forceful kiss.

Seán can taste the liquor when he shoves his tongue inside his mouth, way more than the night before. It’s disgusting, just like everything else of the man and he hates himself for letting him into his life.

Darrick moves to his neck, giving up on getting a response from his mouth, “Goddammit Seán, put some effort into it!” he grits biting down hard on his shoulder, Seán shoves the aggravated shoulder upwards then, hitting the man in the mouth hard enough to make him bleed. 

Darrick laughs. He’s fucking laughing and Seán can’t understand what’s so fucking funny.

“feisty aren’t yeh”, he sucks air through his teeth, “and here I was thinking yeh were gonna abide”

“Get off of me” Seán demands, pulling at the hold on his wrists, lifting his back off the mattress to try pushing him off.

“I **was** going to be gentle” ignoring the sobs, the bastard grins, grinding his hips back down hard, “ye’re a virgin, aren’t yeh?”

“Stop, please!” he cries, loudly, and Darrick is back to his neck, “STOP!”

For a moment, it doesn’t matter how hard he trashes or how loud he screams, Darrick is an anchor on top of him, stronger than the emotionally exhausted YouTuber, his mouth all over him.

But Seán is still fully clothed, and Darrick loosens his grip on his wrists because he needs at least one hand back if he wants to pull his pants down.

And Darrick gets cocky because for a second it seems like Seán checked out, staring to the side with dull eyes, tears soaking the pillow he’s lying on.

Seán reaches for the digital clock on his night stand. He grips the edges of it and brings it closer to himself. _God, it’s not even noon yet_.

He swings it. Hard.

There’s a loud thud when the clock makes contact, immediately followed by a heavy weight pressed against his body.

He waits because he knows he’s fucked now, but Darrick isn’t moving.

He gather’s as much strength as he can and pushes him off, tumbling out of bed once he’s free. He wants to run, he can do that now, but there’s a small trickle of blood running down the doctor’s left temple and fuck him for feeling guilty about even _considering_ that Darrick might be dead.

He takes his leave when he sees his chest rise and fall, making sure the bastard is still breathing.

He doesn’t bother with shoes, only grabbing his phone and keys and running out the apartment.

He doesn’t go that far though because his neighbor is out asking him what’s going on as soon as he slams the door.

He quickly dials 999 explaining to the emergency operator and, by default, his neighbors -a couple more had come out startled by the noise- what had happened that morning.

Seán is relieved, and pleasantly surprise when some of his neighbors offer to make guard by the door, and the woman from across the hallway invites him to wait in her apartment.

She gives him tea and comforts him when his hands shake too much to properly hold the cup. She’s hugging him when there’s yelling outside the door and he can’t stop the tears coming down his face.

There’s a knock on the door, and she yells for the person to come in when they identify themselves as a police officer, a paramedic behind him.

he explains again what happened to the officer, but refuses to let go of the lady -she said her name was Amelia- when the paramedic tries to check him for injuries.

He doesn’t feel like he has to, but he explains to them who he is anyway, and asks them to please not say anything about what happened to anybody else. 

He watches them take Darrick away, handcuffed, through the open door and visibly shivers when he makes eye contact, smirking.

He’s asked if he wants to press charges and Seán says no and settles in asking for a restraining order. They promise to keep him locked in until he can properly do that, and if he decides to change his mind and does press charges instead.

Seán stays with Amelia for the rest of the day. He has Robin and Dahlia to deal with his channel, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couple things...  
> 1) I was going to _Italic_ the dream, but I thought that would have made it obvious, so I apologize for the confusion.  
>  2) I broke the fourth wall!!! hahaha. I'm sorry, but half the time I'm writing this asshole I'm screaming at him. And then I remember, I created him... I'm sorry for that too.  
> 3) Don't be upset with mah boi Seán; he's scared, confused, he's a god damn way too good person. Yes, I know he should have press charges, Restraining Orders are a tricky thing, but PLOT.
> 
> Anyways. I really hope you guys are enjoying this because I enjoy writing it for you!  
> THANK YOU!


	21. More Than I Can Carry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Holding on  
> So much more than I can carry  
> I keep dragging around what's bringing me down  
> If I just let go, I'd be set free  
> Holding on  
> Why is everything so heavy?"  
>  **~Linkin Park - Heavy~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry I didn't post this on a Friday as scheduled. Chester Bennington's death really took a toll on me and I forced myself to take a break and enjoy my day with my family. Plus, I didn't feel comfortable posting this chapter immediately after something like that.
> 
> Anyway, I hope the 1,000 extra words -from my usual- makes up for the lateness of it. And as I've been doing lately, I apologize for what you're about to read.

Getting back to his regular day to day life should have been easy.

After all, Seán was fine.

Nothing had happened. Other people had it worse. He was fine.

Except for the constant nightmares and sleepless nights. But he was fine.

If he kept telling himself the same thing over and over again it would eventually become true, right?

It’s 2 AM, and he has fallen asleep at his computer desk again.

It’s been two weeks -16 days to be exact- since they took Darrick away. He should not be afraid to sleep in his own bed by now.

He should not be afraid to sleep.

Should he?

He sighs, rubbing his cheek where the keyboard keys are now imprinted, at least he was done recording this time before blacking out.

He stares at the sleeping pills bottle on his desk. He’s been taking them as prescribed -one tablet before bedtime as needed- but he can’t remember taking his pill for that day.

He popped the top off and shook the bottle against his palm until a single oblong pill rolled onto it, he took a swig of his water, moistening his dry mouth, and then pushed the pill down his throat with another bigger gulp.

It was then that he finally decided to relocate himself to the makeshift bed right there in his office -his roommate’s old mattress that he dressed in dark red fitted sheets, with matching blanket and pillow- he takes his phone with him, scrolling through Tumblr for a little bit before closing his eyes and letting the darkness take over.

Much too soon he’s opening them back up again. He checks the time and exactly 40 minutes have passed, the Anti fan art he had reposted still on his phone screen.

He stares at the black and green eyes of his alter ego, remembering when he asked Robin -a week before- to edit the glitch back in his videos because the community was starting to wonder about the bags under his eyes. Better to have them theorize about the “demon” than about his own mental health.

But that’s not true. The community is not only there to theorize, or make fanart. The community is always there for him, regardless, as much as he is for them.

He gets back to his desk and opens YouTube, he owes them an explanation, so he starts a live stream.

_wtf Jack_

“well hello to yeh too” he waves with a chuckle at the people coming in the chat

_isn’t it ass o’clock in Ireland right now_

“It’s 3 AM” he answers the people asking

_wtf_  
_omg go to sleep_  
_are you ok_

“Guys calm down,” he smiles, “I’m…” he won’t lie to them, they know he wouldn’t be here at “Ass o’clock” if everything was fine. “I can’t sleep”.

“I’ve been having some really bad nightmares lately” he confesses, “I always try to tell yeh guys to seek help, to talk to someone, thought I should take my own advice fer once”

He reads the chat some more, “I did! I am seeing a doctor!” he visible shudders and makes a mental note to use the word psychiatric next time, “he gave me some sleeping pills but they’re not doing shite”

Seán eyes the pills bottle on his desk, right where he had left them. He can’t remember if he already took his pill for the day though. He reads the label “take one tablet before bedtime as needed”. 

“As needed” he repeats to himself. He didn’t sleep much, he’s still tired as fuck, he needs it. He swallows a pill down with water.

His phone makes a sound then, letting him know he has a new text message from Robin. _“I’m coming over”_

He frowns, _“no, don’t do that”_ he texts back, and then _“why are you awake?”_

_“because for some stupid reason my best friend decided starting a live stream at fucking 3 AM was a better idea than calling me. What exactly are you planning to tell them?”_

Seán looked up at the computer screen -the chat was going insane- for a brief second, he had forgotten thousands of people were watching him.

Another text, _“I’ll be there in 15 minutes”_

Robin was right, what the hell was he thinking?! Was he really about to tell all these people the reason he wasn’t sleeping was that he had been sexually abused and almost raped in his own home, by another man!?

If Robin hadn’t appeared in his apartment wondering why he had gone M.I.A., two days after “the incident”, Seán wouldn’t have told him anything, to begin with. He barely trusted the only friend he had left, but he was ready to sing his misfortunes to the community just now.

He reads the chat, quietly, trying to figure out what his next move is when a name pops up. He sucks in air, reading the various comments repeating the same thing, “Mark is in the chat?”

 **Markiplier:** I’m here.

He chuckles nervously, “why? Don’t yeh have better things to do?” he means it as a joke but his tone is hurt, they haven’t talked since almost a month ago.

 **Markiplier:** I’m worried. what are you having nightmares about Sean?

Right, he still hasn’t figured out if he is going to tell them or not. “Robin is on his way” he informs, avoiding the question.

His skype ringtone sounds through the room.

 **Markiplier:** answer the phone Sean

He doesn’t like that Mark is back to using his given name, he thought he would be happy but he doesn’t like how Mark can just casually come back to his life like nothing had happened. “Don’t call me that” he wants to hang up the call but decides against it, keeping in mind this time that they have an audience. He answers but doesn’t pick the phone up from the table.

“Seán please,” he can hear the desperation in his voice. “take me off speaker, we need to talk”

“I told yeh not to call me that,” he says quietly, his name on his tongue hurts. He should really end the stream before he starts crying.

The sound of the door opening startles him, making him turn his head back so hard he might have caused himself some whiplash. He expects to see Robin, after all, he had his own key, but he ends up frowning at the still closed door.

“Jack?” he makes a sound of acknowledgment, but continues to stare at the door, “Jack, what’s going on?”

He can hear sounds, footsteps, “there’s someone in the apartment,” he says in a hushed voice.

“didn’t you say Robin was coming over?”

“He would’ve come in already” he counters, “announced himself”

Mark hums but doesn’t say anything else

“Y'all think I’m crazy” he accuses, finally turning to the computer

The chat is still going insane, so fast he can’t read it. He hears Mark sigh loudly, “nobody thinks you’re crazy, we're just worried about you”

There’s another sound from behind the door and this time he hears a faint “honey I’m home!” he smiles, then, at least Robin is here now.

Robin’s dirty blonde hair was ruffled and he was still in his pajamas, there was a small worry smile on his lips as he stood by the door. He turned his head to the side like a curious puppy when Seán’s wide eyes bore into him, or rather something behind him. “you ok, bud?”

Seán swallows hard, “There’s someone behind yeh”

Robin turned back, he was alone, of course, but the fear in Seán’s eyes and voice was enough to make him question it. He steps into the room, closing the door behind him, “it’s just me, Seán, we’re alone”

“Robin you left them in!” he screamed, nearly tripping as he stood from his chair and backed into the desk.

“Seán look at me. Hey, hey, look at me” Robin said taking a cautious step forward, the green haired man looked at the blue eyes of his friend, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “Seán, we’re alone, there’s no one in this room but you, me, and thousands of worry fans” he pointed at the computer as he said the last part. 

Seán nodded, but the still terrified look in his face told him he wasn’t convinced yet, Robin continued, “you haven’t been sleeping well, you’re tired and your mind is playing tricks on you” he finally broke the distance between them, holding on to his shoulders, “look at me, there’s no one here”.

Seán took one last look behind the Swede, the black and green eyes seeming to have disappeared now. “Ok,” he finally agreed, “We’re alone”.

“Good” Robin pats his arm, “go splash some water on your face or something, I’ll take care of this”

Seán nods, he turns to the computer with a sad smile “sorry guys, really didn’t mean to scare anyone” he grabs the pills bottle from the desk, “I’ll be right back”

Robin watches after him as he leaves and then sits down on his computer chair, “alright let’s talk about what just happened”

“Hey Robin,” the deep smooth voice of Mark startles him

“Oh hey,” he grabs the phone, “didn’t know you were here”

Mark ignores the comment, “what was that Seán took with him?”

“his sleeping pills, I think”

“Robin go check on him,” Marks demands, panic in his voice, “he already took one of those pills in camera”

Robin runs out the room then, straight to the bathroom where he can hear the water running.

Seán peaks from behind a hand towel, damp bangs sticking to his forehead, “what’s going on?”

“where are the pills?”

Seán raises a bushy eyebrow, pointing at the sink counter, “don’t worry, I just took ‘em, maybe now I’ll finally pass out and stop seeing Anti everywhere” he joked, hanging the towel back in its rack.

“how many?”

Blue eyes stare at blue eyes, “excuse me?”

“Mark said you already took a pill,” he explains, “the chat agrees”

Seán frowns, “did I? I don’t remember”

“you saw Anti?” Robin wonders, reading the label of the bottle, “how many pills did you take, Seán? It says here Hallucinations could be a side effect”

“Oh goodie,” he says rolling his eyes, “I told you I don’t remember taking any pills”

“Seán we should take you to the hospital,” Robin says, seriously, “it says here memory loss is another side effect too”

“I’m fine, Robin” he takes the bottle from his hands and puts it in the medicine cabinet, “you’re here now, just remind me I took them already and that Anti is not real and we’ll be good”

“Seán I know what happened to you was tough…”

“I’m not suicidal, Robin!” he interrupts, pushing him on his way out the bathroom. And he wasn’t, “I’m just exhausted, and I forgot,” he sighs turning to his friend again, “I won’t do it again, promise”

“I’m holding you to that” he nods, “and I’m watching you like a hawk”

“Thanks”

“…then Chica thought bringing her new friend into the house to play was an excellent idea, so that’s what she did”

“Oh God, what are yeh talking about,” Seán asked, sitting on his chair in front of the computer, “Hey guys, yes I’m fine now, don’t worry”

“I was telling the stream about that time Chica brought a squirrel into the house, two days ago” he switched the skype call into a video call, “Oh hey hwalyeohan, you look like shit”

“like yeh couldn’t see that before” he chuckled, God he missed seeing those eyes. Mark smiled, mouthing a “you ok?” at him and he nods.

“Hey!” Robin came back dragging a chair from the dining table into the room, “since it’s about to be 4 AM and no one is fucking sleeping, let’s play a game!”

“Yeah, that sounds good! Mark?” Seán was purposely ignoring the questions in the chat

“Yeah, I’m down” Mark shrugs, “should we get someone else to join, though? That way we’ll have an even number of players”

“Get Dahlia, she’s in the chat” Robin informs them, heading out the door again after settling the chair next to Seán. “She’s the one that woke me up to tell me you were streaming”.

“’Lia!”

 **Dahlia Sanchez:** sup Loser

“Come join the sleepless crew”

Robin comes back in, with a small foldable table and a backpack, which apparently contained his laptop in it, and starts setting up, “what are we playing?”

Seán blinks a couple of time, rubbing circles on his temples, “I, uh, prop hunt?”

“Seán…”

“I’m ok”, he waves him off and opens Skype to call Dahlia and Mark -after having hung up the call on his phone from the latter- he brings the game up for the stream to see. “Alright, can everyone see it?” he asks the chat and when a flood of yes come through he claps his hands, “Alright. Mark, Dahlia- Dahlia, Mark, let’s play!”

They play a few games before - “Hey maybe we should stop for now after this round” - Robin suggest when Seán insisted his taunt kept going on by itself and that’s why he was doing so bad, yet no one else could hear said taunt besides himself.

“yeah ok” Seán shrugs, he had been found and killed already so it didn’t matter. “Win it fer us, Markimoo”

“you got it Jackaboy, I’m an expert at this, they will never find me… oh hey, they found me. I’m dead” They all burst out in laughter. 

“Alright, well thank you so much for keeping me company guys,” Seán addresses the stream, “I’m really sorry I worried you, but I’m fine now promise. Videos will be up later today as scheduled, and again, thank you so much for being here.” They all said they’re goodbyes and Seán finally ended the stream.

“so are we gonna talk about what the fuck just happened now?” Dahlia was the first to start. “you go fucking M.I.A. on us for two fucking days and everything is hell after that” 

“Se… Jack, what’s going on?”

Seán looks at Robin, pleading for help, but Robin just shrugs.

“I… that guy I was seeing” he directs his attention towards Mark, “Things didn’t go quite like I would have hope so”

He can see the rage in Mark's eyes, “what did he do to you, Seán?”

“It’s done now” he sighs, looking down at his balled-up hands in his lap, “he’s gone”

“I’m really tired” he calls out before Mark can say anything, “I rather not… I just wanna sleep”

“go lay down, buddy,” Robin says, patting him on the back, “we can talk about this when you’re feeling more up to it”

Seán stands then, mumbling goodbyes, but he only makes it a couple steps before his body goes limp and he’s collapsing on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONT... I REPEAT, DO NOT FREAK OUT. Jack is fine -for the most part- There will not be any death or talks about suicide in this fic (just the usual Angst that comes with the other touchy subjects). I'm sorry for the cliffhanger but this needs to happen. You'll see why in the next chapter.


	22. Psych Assesment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I am off the deep end  
> I'm just here to become the best yet  
> I'm just here for the psych assessment  
> I'm just here for the, for the  
> young and a menace  
> We've gone way too fast for way too long"  
>  **~Young and Menace - Fall Out Boy~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey  
> hey guys  
> hey  
> I'm obsessed with Dream Daddy  
> guess who my dream daddy is  
> go ahead guess  
> did you guess Robert?  
> it's Robert  
> ;)
> 
> I hope at least one of you gets the reference... but seriously, Robert is bae (I'm gonna get stab for saying that, but he is!!!)
> 
> Anyway, the reason you're here...  
> SEPTIPLIER AWAY!
> 
> PS; I wanted to make something less angsty so here's this... enjoy?

“he’s breathing!”

Was the first thing Robin had told them after the initial panic of seeing his best friend collapse in front of him.

He kept two fingers on the pulse on his neck -afraid it would stop at any second- as he quickly dialed for an ambulance.

Mark and Dahlia watched quietly. There wasn’t much they could do from the computer monitor, from 5,000 miles away, but silently pray everything would be fine. So that’s what they did.

They watch as Robin cursed at Seán’s labored breathing and how hot his skin was, red blotches all over his body already. They watched him cursed at the EMTs that hadn’t arrived yet, and then they watch as he argued with them when they wouldn’t let him go with Seán in the ambulance because he wasn’t family. And then they watch as Seán was lifted into a stretcher and taken away.

“I’m gonna follow in my car,” Robin was finally talking to the two still on Skype, “I’ll keep you posted”

And then it was just Mark staring at his Skype page, mind running wild. He couldn’t help but feel like his sudden withdrawal from the Irishman had caused this. He should have made an effort to talk to the man sooner, but Seán had pushed him away back in August and in all honesty, Mark wanted him to feel what that was like. It was a stupid game of hide and seek with their feelings no one was winning.

A new video call interrupted his train of thought, and he recognized the name of the Hispanic girl they had just played with. He answered it.

“hey” her eyes were red and puffy, a few stray tears down her face, and she sniffled rubbing her nose with the back of her hand.

Mark gave her a sympathetic smile, “how you holding up?”

“I’m a fucking mess,” she chuckled, a small sob escaping her, “that was… God… Seán…” tears rolled down her cheeks and she was full-on crying again.

“Hey, everything’s gonna be alright, ok?” Mark coached, maybe more to himself, “Seán’s a strong man, he’ll beat whatever is happening to him”

She nodded, “I just… I can’t just stay here and do fucking nothing. Can you?”

Mark thought about it. Could he just go to sleep after that? Could he wake up tomorrow and keep going with his normal day knowing one of his closest friends was in a hospital suffering from who knows what?

“what do you have in mind?”

**⋀⋁**

The light was hard to his eyes, even with them closed, and every muscle on his body hurt to move.

Was he dead? Was this what being dead felt like? It was, surprisingly comfortable.

Seán opened his eyes slowly only to find it was actually pretty dark where he laid, the dim wall lamp above his head the only light in the room - he frowned at it.

His blue eyes most be extra sensitive if this poor excuse of lighting was causing him to see spots, that or the pain in his temples was a migraine waiting to happen and starring straight at a light –as dimly as it was- wasn’t his greatest idea.

He sighs, trying and failing to rub at his eyes, there’s something in his right arm making it hard to move, and a clip on his left-hand index finger. He tries sitting up in bed as much as he is able to. He’s in a hospital room, that much he can tell by the smells and what he can see, but he can’t remember why. 

There are machines on either side of him, and wires run from them to his body. There’s a clock and dry erase board on the wall across from him, the clock tells him it’s still early morning –5 AM- but the date on the board tells him it’s a completely different day from what he remembers being.

He reads the message on the board and grabs the remote like device laying next to him in the bed, he presses the button for the nurses' station.

“I…” he tries to talk, clearing his throat, it hurts.

“I’ll be right over, sweetie, don’t push yerself”

He manages a small “’kay” and lays back down, waiting

_What the fuck happened_

A round, short woman comes through the door a few minutes later, turning the lights on her way to him. He groans at the new brightness and she cackles, her green eyes seemingly disappearing as the laugh lines around them accentuate. 

She raises the bed for him and pushes a small table in front of him, placing a cup full of ice ships on it. “Eat those, they’ll help ease the pain in yer throat”

Seán eyed the cup, and then the woman, and then the cup again, he reaches for it and takes a single chip rubbing it all over his dry lips before sucking on it for a few seconds and then biting into it. 

The nurse checks on the machinery around him, letting him eat the chips in silence. Eventually, she comes back next to him and fluffs the pillows behind him, telling him to lay back. “Do yeh remember what happened?”

“yeh…” he clears his throat, and tries again, “yeh shoved a tube down my throat and made me throw up”

She gave him a hearty laugh then, “me?” Seán frowns, “I’m sorry sweetie but I had nothing to do with that”

A younger, taller woman comes in the room then, “I’m sorry, that was me!” she smiles, the clickety clack of her heels echoing through the room as she gets closer to him.

She wasn’t wearing scrubs like the nurse either, Seán noticed, but a more professional outfit of gray fitted dress pants and a black blouse underneath a white coat. She must be his doctor since he barely remembers her dark caramel hands holding him down at some point… yesterday?

“how long have I been out?”

She checked the clipboard by the foot of the bed, and then her watch, “20 hours”

He grins, 20 hours is a whole lot more than the usual 5 he was used to, not to mention the barely one he had been getting lately.

“how are you feeling, Mr. McLoughlin?” she interrupts his thinking

He frowns, “that’s not fair, I don’t know yer name?”

She smiles, and Seán thinks she looks like one of Barbie’s friends, Christie? …why does he know that? “You know my name” she reminds him, putting the clipboard back in its place after scribbling something on it, “you were cursing my name last time we saw”.

Well, that sounds oddly sexual, did I fuck her and can’t remember? The nurse and doctor laugh, and Seán eyes the IV connected to his arm realizing he said that out loud, “the fuck are yeh guys giving me?”

“I’m Dr. Paola King, Mr. McLoughlin, your doctor,” she sits on the chair next to his bed and asks the nurse to bring his files, “do you not remember why you’re here?”

He thinks… the live stream, Mark, Robin, Dahlia… Anti… Darrick. “fuck”

She nods as the nurse comes back with a folder and then quickly leaves again, “can you tell me what happened?”

“I took too many pills?”

“You don’t sound too sure about that,” she writes down on the papers now on her lap, he pushes the rolling tray towards her, “Thanks… did you mean to take the pills?”

“No”, he frowns, “I… just wanted to sleep, I don’t remember taking the pills”

She nods and writes, “it wasn’t a big enough dose to cause major damage, you’re very lucky your friend was there with you”

“Where is he?” he looks down at the now empty cup of ice, “Where's Robin?”

“we had to kick him out,” She smiles, looking up from her papers, “he didn’t want to leave your side, we had to convince him you’d be fine without him overnight”

Seán nodded, still looking at the empty cup, “he’s my best friend”

“I don’t believe you tried to hurt yourself on purpose, Mr. McLoughlin,” she said closing the folder and pushing the table aside, she rested her elbows on her knees, crossing her arms over them, hand hanging loosely on each side. They looked at each other for a few minutes.

“I didn’t” he finally said.

She smiled, lightly slapping her thighs as she pushed herself up, “I have some other patients I have to look at, you rest and we’ll talk some more later today, alright?”

“thank you, Dr. Queen”

“it’s King”

“I know”, he grinned and then turned back to the IV, “seriously, what’s in this shit?”

**⋀⋁**

Seán managed to fall back to sleep, some how, his body probably trying to catch up on the years of lack of sleep, and he was happy to discover, when he woke up again at 9 AM, that he hadn’t had any nightmares this time.

He found his phone, fully charged, by the bedside table next to his IV stand. He made a mental note, as he reached for it, to thank Robin and tell him how much he fucking loved him. He had a couple messages, mostly from Robin, one or two from Mark and Dahlia, and one from Signe. He opened that one first.

_I’m sorry things between us didn’t work as I would have hoped, sometimes I wonder if you ever saw the future I saw for us. I know, it was the right thing to do though. I’m not angry or even sad, I knew you loved him for a long time. Boston was the turning point, but spending those couple of days in LA with him was when I knew I lost you for sure. I just hope your happy Seán. Please get better soon. Love you (^3^) <3_

He cleaned his face from the silent tears running and typed a quick reply - _thank you, I’m ok. Call you later?_

He read Robin’s messages next…  
_don’t you dare die on me_  
_I swear I will kill you if you die_  
_I’m scared Sean_  
_wake up fucker_  
_lmao of course you snore loud too_  
_they’re kicking me out_  
_I’ll be back as soon as they let me promise_  
_love you man_  
_hey did you die?_  
_Im on my way you better not had died_

He laughed and decided to call him.

“SEAN!”

He smiled “Hi Robin”

“You didn’t die?”

“Nah man, sorry”

“shit, well… what can you do, huh”

They both chuckled, “but seriously, thank you, Robin”

“don’t mention it buddy”, he heard talking in the background and then Robin again, “hey I’m like 30 minutes away, don’t die ok, I have a surprise for you. kbye”

“Rob… and he’s gone”

Seán laid back down, head against the pillow. Guess he just had to wait to see what the surprise is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :P
> 
> hey so don't kill me. I'm actually working on Chapter 23 right now, working on giving you a more consecutive schedule... Monday or Wednesday, or both, and Friday? maybe? I'll let you guys know, promise!


	23. Friends Will Be Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's not easy, love, but you've got friends you can trust  
> Friends will be friends  
> When you're in need of love they give you care and attention  
> Friends will be friends  
> When you're through with life and all hope is lost  
> Hold out your hand 'cause friends will be friends  
> Right till the end"  
>  **~Queen - Friends Will Be Friends~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is late. I'm sorry. 
> 
> I'm gonna stop promising a chapter each Friday, but I will do my hardest to TRY and post every Friday.

Bland oatmeal, bland _cold_ oatmeal.

That’s what the hospital had deemed acceptable for someone who had just had his stomach pumped to eat for breakfast.

Bland, cold, _runny_ oatmeal.

But damn it, Seán was promised to be freed from the machinery connected to him if he ate it all, and ate it all he did.

There wasn’t even coffee to wash it down, but he was low key starving anyway.

The nurse laughed as he chugged the water. Bland cold runny oatmeal and water, the fuck kinda breakfast was that?!

She pushed the tray of food out of the room and promised to be back fast. Seán groans, so far, she’s been making promises and not keeping them, why should he keep waiting for her to keep her word now.

So, he gets to work as soon as she is completely out of the room and has closed the door behind her.

**⋀⋁**

Robin knew Seán’s room number, he could’ve easily walked in and avoided a few headaches but he also knew the reasons why Seán was in a hospital room in the first place, “Suicide attempt” just the thought had the Swede rolling his eyes.

“May I help you?”

Robin smiled at the friendly nurse by the station, “we’re here to see Seán McLoughlin, is he allowed visitors?”

The nurse smiled wide back at him, “Oh yes, yeh can go see him, I'm actually heading back there now meself”. She motioned for them to follow her.

On their way down the long hall a loud beeping sounds from one of the rooms and the nurse stops them in their tracks as two other nurses, closer to the room, run in. And their hearts stop when the nurse runs in after them.

“Mr. McLoughlin!”

They hear her yell, but the beeping stops and one of the other nurses that had run in before comes back out shaking his head.

“Oh God is he…”

The nurse shakes his head again, “he’s fine, yeh can go in”

They walk quietly into the room and are thankfully greeted by a familiar laugh. “Yeh were taking too long!” Seán whined, and immediately giggled.

“It’s not funny, young man!” The nurse scolded, as she worked on removing the IV Seán had been apparently trying to remove himself, “yeh could have hurt yerself!”

“Oh C'mon!” He whined again, a smile on his lips

“C’mon nothing, mister!” She pointed at the people by the foot of the bed now, “yeh had visitors, I was bringing them to yeh!”

He follows her finger with his eyes and finds Robin standing there glaring back at him, there are other people with him but the nurse is blocking the way and Seán can’t see them. He looks back down at his arm once the needle is out of it “I’m sorry I have no patience” he apologizes to the nurse.

She cleans the small wound and puts a band aid on it, “yeh need to be a little more careful, sweetheart” Seán nods and she pats his leg, “yeh should stretch yer legs now that yeh can”

He jumps out of bed and immediately regrets it, his legs feel like jelly and he can’t keep his balance.

He stumbles and yelps closing his eyes, expecting imminent impact with the floor.

“Wha…” he looks up at the owner of the familiar arms holding him up, “Mark?”

“Hey”

Seán stares at him, wide eyed, as Mark helps him stand up straight again, a hand press on the small of his back for support. “What are yeh doing here?”

Mark shrugs, looking down at the floor, pink on his cheeks, “it was Dahlia’s idea, to be honest,” Seán finally notices the third visitor.

The short Hispanic girl is standing by Robin, playing with the hem of her shirt, her head down looking at the floor in the same matter Mark is, her hair is much longer though and it covers most of her face. She’s wearing a wine-red shirt with the words “NOTHING it’s my favorite thing to do” on it and Seán smiles “I like yer shirt”

She nods but doesn’t say anything, sinking her head lower and bringing the back of her hand across her face.

The nurse looks concern, she looks at Seán and then back at Dahlia “Oh sweetie, are yeh ok?”, Seán puts a hand on Mark’s shoulder, legs still wobbly from the prolonged lack of use and nudge him to help him get closer.

Once they’re in front of the crying girl he lets go of Mark and embraces her, “she’s a sensitive girl” he tells the nurse, rubbing her purple hair

“Well, yeah, you scared us _pendejo_ ” he laughs and she squeezes him tighter

He hugs Robin after, “Hi buddy”

Seán buries his face on his shoulder, taking a long breath, “Thank you” Robin pats his back and tells him it’s ok but he shakes his head, “it’s not ok, I’d be dead without yeh” he turns to the others “without any of yeh. Thank yeh fer coming, thank yeh fer being here”

“I don’t know you guys,” Mark finally makes himself speak, a hand back on Seán as soon as he brakes the hug, “but there’s nowhere else I’d rather be”

Seán puts his arm around his shoulder instinctively, leaning for support. “I appreciate that”

“OK!” The nurse makes herself announced again, and everyone jolts, she cackles “Seán, sweetie, yeh can take a walk around the corridors if yeh like, stretch yer legs a little bit”

He nods, “Can I take a shower?”

“Well, of course, yeh can”, she smirks giving Mark a once over, “just don’t hesitate to ask fer help if yeh need it”

Mark moves his hand from the small of his back to his hip, gripping as Seán nods at her. “Taking me fer a walk?” he asks, squeezing his shoulder in response.

Seán’s legs can hold his weight with no problem now but he still leans into Mark as they make their way down the halls in silence.

It’s not the first time Seán sees Mark in the past two weeks and it’s hard for him to believe the American is actually there with him, that none of this is just his brain playing games on him again.

They walk aimless for a few minutes, stopping at a small waiting area. The room is nothing big, a couple of chairs here and there, two bending machines, and a tv up in the corner. They sit -in separate chairs- facing each other, bending a leg up under them and leaning on opposite arm rests.

Seán stares, and Mark lets him. “I’m scared ye’re gonna disappear if I take my eyes off yeh” he admits, sheepishly. He presses his fingers softly to Mark’s knuckles and rakes them up his forearms and down again, “that ye’re just something my brain made up high on pills”

Mark removes Seán’s hand from his arm and brings it up to his lips, kissing assertions to each finger. “I’m here, Jack, I’m not going anywhere”

“Why Mark? Why are yeh really here?”

Mark frowns, bringing their hands to his lap, interwinding their fingers together, thinking for a second but before he could formulate the right words the clickety clack of heels interrupted them

“Mr. McLoughlin! I see you’re feeling better”

Seán nods, avoiding eye contact with the pretty doctor, still remembering his silly flirting from earlier. He’s not looking at Mark either, instead, he chooses to focus on looking down at his hand still in Mark’s, a subtle red tint adorning his cheeks.

“Hello!” Mark waves enthusiastically at the doctor with his free hand. “I’m Mark!”

“Dr. King,” she offers her hand, and Mark shakes it, “a pleasure”

“I was told I could take a walk, and a shower”, Seán says uncharacteristically quiet, like a child afraid he would get in trouble for doing something another adult said he could.

She nods in approval, “we still have a few things to discuss also, once you’re back in the room, of course”

“Ok” that’s their cue to head back.

Seán leads them this time, with Mark trailing behind him, still hand in hand.

He finds Robin had brought him a bag of clean clothes and he delves into it, coming out with a pair of gray sweatpants and a long sleeved blue shirt.

He excuses himself to the adjacent bathroom, and when he comes back out -showered- there’s no one in the room but his doctor.

She motions for him to sit on the bed, directly across from her. “Mr. McLoughlin, as I mentioned before, I do not think you meant to over dose on the sleeping pills, zolpidem is an extremely powerful drug with lots of side effects, which is why I’m not prescribing you any more of it. That being said, I had a look through your medical records and I realize what happened to you was not an easy thing, it’s understandable for you to be having panic attacks, insomnia, and nightmares. Now it wouldn’t be right for me to just send you off with nothing either, so what I’m going to do is, I’m going to prescribe you with an equally powerful dosage of Mark, Robin, and Dahlia” Seán looks at her wide eyes and she smiles, “we talked, while you were in the bathroom”

“Your friends care about you, Seán, and it became obvious to me that they don’t know anything about the abuse”

“That was nothing” he tries to argue quietly and she stops him with a pat to his hand

“So, _nothing_ took your ability to fall asleep at night without immediately waking up in a cold sweat? Abuse is abuse no matter how you look at it”

Seán hung his head, twiddling his fingers, he had been having a particularly hard time lately, even if he refused to admit it to himself. “They can help you,” she added slowly, standing up, “but you need to talk to them for them to be able to”.

“they’re waiting for you by the nurses’ station” She handed him some papers to sign and cut the ID bracelet around his wrist, “I don’t want to see you around here again”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again sorry this is late, but THANK YOU for reading! <3


	24. Been Through Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think I need help  
> Cause I'm drowning in myself  
> It's sinking in, I can't pretend  
> That I ain't been through hell  
> I think I need help"  
>  **~Papa Roach - Help~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop promising you guys stuff... I mean, unless comforting fluff is a thing... I just felt like ending it where I did was best. ENJOY.
> 
> P.S.; All the mistakes when Dahlia is talking are on purpose, extra Rs, hard Ts, completely incorrect words... As a Spanish speaking person with a strong accent, I just want to make sure you guys can "hear" her correctly. Think, Salma Hayek when picturing her voice... is that a sentence? that's not a sentence but I'm sticking to it, picture her voice! xD

The drive back to Seán’s apartment was, uneventful.

Robin and Dahlia talked animatedly in the front seats of the car, while the two passengers in the back sat quietly, Seán staring out the window and Mark staring at Seán.

It wasn’t until they arrived at their destination that someone -Dahlia- lost their shit.

“b’excuse me, Mr. SepticEye, but where the fuck is your Christmas tree?”

Seán turned to the fuming girl, “I… don’t have one?”

“I’m sorry?”

“I don’t have a Christmas tree” he repeated, slowly.

“You don’t have one up, or you don’t have one at all?”

Seán cocked his head to the side, Mark and Robin both watching the exchange with smirks on their faces, “I don’t have a Christmas tree at all… I’m sorry, is there something important I missed?”

“um, yes” she put both her hands on her hips, her left foot rapidly tapping on the tile floor, “it’s the 12th of December, why don’t you have a three?”

Seán smirked at the way her accent got thicker when she was upset and talking fast, how “tree” sounded like “three” because she was PuerTO Rican and just **had** to roll the Rs. “Do yeh have a _three_ up, or just one?”

“Shut the fuck up, you asshole” she huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “and yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a _tree_ up” she paused to make sure she pronounced it right this time, cracking a smile when Seán nodded in approval. Now, Dahlia wasn’t normally good with dates -or with the whole remembering things thing in general- so she was excited she knew the exact date she started her Christmas decoration, “since November 24th! I remember cuz that was the weekend that…” _oh_

Now, this got Mark’s attention, “ _the weekend that…_ what?”

Dahlia let her arms fall to her sides, she fucked up. “It was the day after Thanksgiving” she finally said, focusing on something past Mark’s head.

Mark had never met the girl before the live stream but when she suggested he came to Ireland to check on Jack, he in return suggested she came with, and with an 11 hours-long flight under way the two found themselves talking, successfully getting to know each other more. Mark had learned that, like him, Dahlia had A.D.D. but, unlike him, was not medicated, he also learned that she had mild Asperger’s Syndrome which made it difficult for her to hold eye contact but, as she had told him, always tried to even if only for a second.

That’s when Mark realized she was hiding something when her eyes never made contact with his. “Thanksgiving was on Thursday the 23th, that was the day before”, he watched carefully noticing the fidgeting, “what happened that weekend, Dahlia?"

They were all still standing by the front door, as she had bombarded Seán with her silly Christmas tree questions as soon as they made it past the entrance. Seán had his back against the door while Dahlia stood in front of him, Mark and Robin had been the firsts to come in and now stood side by side behind her, successfully leaving the girl in the line of fire between the three men. 

She looked back and forth to the Europeans for help, the other two men didn’t seem to remember the dates as well as she had considering this side of the world didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving like the two Americans did. To them, November 23th was just another Thursday and she hated to be the one to bring the events of that weekend back up now. She took a deep breath, and a quick glance at Seán, “November 25th was the day I took over the channel while you were out”.

 **That** was information they recognized.

Seán looked like a deer in the headlights, and Mark frowned even more confused now, _why would that be of any significant_. “I don’t get it”

Seán groaned, walking past his friends and slumping down on the far edge of the long couch. _guess he was doing this now_

To anyone outside of Team Septic nothing had changed, videos went up as scheduled and for all they knew it had been Seán himself who had uploaded them. Truth was, Seán queued the ones for that Saturday but it had been Dahlia, with help from Robin, who queued the next four videos to come because the Irishman had seemingly disappeared without a word to his team for the next two days.

“I went on a date that day”, Seán began quietly, and it finally clicked for Mark. He joined the green haired man on the couch and nodded for him to continue as the other two took the seats at each side of them, “i-it didn’t go as I had hoped it would”

The half-Korean thought about how things had gone down on his side. “I called you that day” Mark remembered out loud, “he said you two had a _busy_ evening”

Seán turned to the tan man next to him, wide eyes, “He-he talked to yeh?”

Mark nodded, “That’s pretty much all he said, though. A little bit of a douche if you ask me” he studied the green haired man for a moment, “what happened that day, Jack?”

Seán sat up, resting his elbows on his knees, raking his long fingers through his hair with a groaned. _They can’t help you if you don’t tell them,_ he reminded himself.

“Darrick wasn’t…” he paused, taking a shaky breath, “Darrick wasn’t who I thought he was. I don’t know how I didn’t saw it before, it’s so fucking obvious now that I think about it”

“He controlled everything we did, where we went, what I ate, what I wore”, he scoffed, shaking his head, willing the tears away “he belittled me constantly, and I just…” he closed his eyes as the tears refused to listen to him, he tried to clean them before they dropped but was stopped by something warm sweeping across his cheek.

Mark held the side of his face with one hand, to which Seán leaned into instinctively, the other hand squeezed lightly at the hands on his lap.

“I was such an idiot, Mark”

Mark quickly swept him up, bringing the smaller man onto his lap, running his fingers through his hair as Seán sobbed into the junction of his neck and shoulder.

They let him cry quietly, and after a few minutes Robin stood up announcing he was going to make some tea, Dahlia took out her phone and joined him in the kitchen giving the two men some space alone.

Mark never stopped playing with the green hair, holding the Irishman close to his body as his breathing slowly went back to normal.

Seán was sniffling now but he didn’t move, enjoying the warmth emitting from the Korean. Mark, on the other hand, needed answers and even if he refused to push the man any further he knew Seán could feel, hear, his rapidly beating heart.

He was a little disappointed when he finally lifted his head, already missing the feeling of his breath against his skin. “Better?”

Seán nodded, already missing the hand in his hair, “thank you”

Mark relished in the fact that Seán was still in his lap, debating quietly on what he should say next. “Jack… you don’t… you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but… I just…” Mark was struggling, scared to find out, angry at the possibilities. He took a deep breath, composing himself as he stared at bright blue eyes, “what happened?”

Seán nodded again, taking a deep breath also as Mark had done. “That day,” he began quietly, for only him to hear, “it was already bad, I shouldn’t have… God, I’m such a fucking idiot. I should have ended it at the restaurant…”

“Hey,” Mark squeezed his hands, “stop that, alright. What ever that bastard did to you was **not** your fault, are we clear?”

Seán was quietly crying again, resting his head on Mark’s shoulder once more.

Mark swallowed hard, “Jack, did he… did he hurt you?” Seán nodded, and the hand holding him in place around his waist got tighter, “fuck! did he... did he…” he trailed off, not being able to say it.

Seán shook his head this time, “I-I shouldn’t have invited him in, but I did, Mark, I sat on this same couch with him…”

Mark’s free hand balled up, and he bites on his lip hard enough to draw blood. Seán quickly noticed this and brought his hands up to his face, much like Mark had done to him before, and softly pulled the abused lower lip from between his teeth with his thumb, wiping it clean. He lifted his head then, catching a tear rolling down his cheek with his own lips as he kissed him. “I’m ok now” he assured him, as more angry tears fell from the almond eyes. 

He wasn’t prepared for Mark’s next words though, and the honesty he saw in those deep brown eyes as he said them.

“I’m going to kill him”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing that last paragraph gave me chills, like all my arm hairs were standing up. Gave me the motivation to write so much more. I'm on a roll tho, and ooooooh buddy :D


	25. Take Me Higher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sometimes you gotta bleed to know  
> That you’re alive and have a soul  
> But it takes someone to come around  
> To show you how"  
>  **~Tear in My Heart - TwentyOnePilots~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!
> 
> Sorry, this took so long, guys! I was having some horrible writer's block which in return made me super stress and I wasn't sleeping and arguing with my fiance, and it just wasn't fun. So, I kinda just ignored this story all weekend, pushed it to the back of my mind and didn't come back to it until earlier today. And this is what came out.
> 
> I can't say I'm a 100% happy with it, but then again I never am. The point is, I don't hate it. It's a little all over the place but it is what I wanted to say.
> 
> Hope it's not horrible!
> 
> Enjoy?

To say Mark was angry was an understatement.

He didn’t even know what had happened yet but the shaking Irishman on his lap was enough to get him reeling.

Robin and Dahlia made their presences known again as they both came back into the living room area with two cups of tea each. They sat back on their respective chairs with their drinks, leaving the other two on the coffee table for the taking.

Seán leaned forward to reach for a cup without leaving the half-Korean’s lap, not that he wanted to but at this point he felt like if he was to stand up for even a second Mark would bolt out the front door looking for someone he knew practically nothing about and somehow actually find him and, as he had declared, kill him.

Seán didn’t feel like continuing telling them what happened that day, considering the state Mark was in, but he had to admit that finally allowing himself to cry while being held had felt good, so he kept repeating Dr. King’s words to himself like a mantra. _They can’t help you if you don’t tell them_.

“I don’t know what I was expecting to happen”, he admitted sheepishly into his cup, “everything was just moving too fast fer me”

Mark’s hand moved against Seán’s side, maybe for reassurance, or urging him to continue, or maybe he was just trying to calm himself down, he wasn’t too sure himself.

“I asked him to stop, tried to push him off”, the Irishman finally said, “but my body kind of just shut down on me”

Mark took a sharp breath, bloody lip back between his teeth, free hand on a fist. Had Seán seen this he would have stopped but he didn’t, he didn’t see the anger in Mark’s eyes as his words and the meaning behind them registered. 

“There was… there was no penetration, but he did touch me”

Mark was immediately standing up, almost sending the younger man tumbling to the floor. He paced back and forth from where they were to the door, saying profanities under his breath, raking shaky fingers through his hair. “Tell me where that son of a bitch lives” he talked through gritted teeth.

“Mark… please”

“Tell me, Seán!”

“I-I… I don’t know!”

There was sick crack then, and no one knew exactly if it had been the wall or Mark’s knuckles.

Seán was next to him in an instant carefully inspecting the assaulted fist. All knuckles were scrapped, skin already starting to bruise and the nail on the thumb turning black. There were a few drops of blood here and there but nothing seemed broken from the outside, “can you move them?” Seán asked looking up for a second at, still very much angry, brown eyes. Mark relaxed the hand and slowly stretched and curled his fingers a few times, nerves twitching as he did, the Irishman nodded, “Robin! There’s a first aid kit in the bathroom, could you get that fer me?” the Swede stood up quickly, disappearing towards the stairs while Seán pulled Mark into the kitchen with him.

Mark followed quietly to the sink where the smaller man tested the water for him. He watches intensely at every move the Irishman makes, giving him his hand when asked for and hissing when the warm water makes contact with the raw skin.

They sit on the chairs around the table when Robin brings the medium size white case, and Seán quickly gets to work while the dirty blonde goes back to his place in the living room.

Mark watches as the green haired man dabs at his knuckles with antiseptic wipes and pats them dry with a sterile gauzed. The tender skin was cover in antibiotic ointment and then he was wrapping the hand in gauze.

“I’m sorry about your wall,” the taller man says testing the mobility of his now cover hand.

Seán nods, still not meeting his eyes. “Yeh shouldn’t have done that”

“I’ll fix it”

“That’s not what I mean, Maerk!” tears are threatening to fall again, “yeh could have hurt yerself”

Mark leans back in the chair, running his good hand through his hair. Seán looks deflated, he’s been through enough hell already and Mark knows not all has been because of _Derick_. A couple of months back it had been Mark who hurt him. “I wish I could take it all back”.

“Mark, it’s done, I’m fine” and Seán means it this time, “the damage has been done, but it’s over now...” he sees him about to interrupt “no, let me finish, please”, he carefully takes the bandaged hand in his, “I’m not trying to negate it happened, it did, it happened and it hurt, but I would like to put it behind me now.”

There’s so much concern in those blue eyes, as they study the injured hand, that Mark actually finds it funny when he asks him if it hurts. After everything he’s been through, Seán is still more worried about a few scrapes on his hand. “You want to put it behind you, I get it Jack, but I can’t! I can’t just sit here knowing the fucker that hurt you it’s somewhere out there, _breathing_ and shit!”

Seán scoffs, and there’s an actual smile on his lips, “and punching walls is obviously a better option than _just sitting_ , right?”

“I said I was sorry, ok. Besides, it was either the wall or Robin’s face” he says the last part louder and the Swedish man yells from the living room making the two in the kitchen laugh.

They decide to leave the subject there, neither of them wanting to push the other any further, and rejoin the other two guests.

Mark plops down on the couch, ungracefully might I add, making jokes to lighten up the mood, Seán just stands on the side unashamedly staring, he’s been too distracted before to actually look at the man.

His mind is still focused on the bandaged hand as his eyes roam the muscular body. He knows Mark is alright -honestly, he should be more worried about his wall- but what he still couldn’t comprehend was the motives to drive someone to want to punch a wall. 

Seán saw how his neighbors were upset _that_ day, he saw the agitation in Robin as the words left his lips a couple of minutes ago, the pain on Dahlia, but there was something different in Mark’s eyes, something more than the anger clearly still there that he hadn’t seen before.

Seán could get lost in those warm chocolate eyes trying to figure out what was that he was seeing. Care? Concern? Love? Was their friendship really that important for him to just get on a plane in the middle of the night for him? 

Seán is suddenly pulled back to reality when he hears Mark’s baritone voice resonating through his small apartment and reality hits him, “how long are yeh two planning to stay fer?” he asks, interrupting the friendly banter between his best friends, “I mean, not that I want yeh to leave, I just don’t have anywhere to put yeh in”

Mark shrugs, “I have to be in Ohio by Christmas Eve”

“Mark bought us one-way tickets,” Dahlia offered a better explanation, “I also have to be home for _Noche Buena_ , though”

“a little bit over a week, then”, Seán thinks out loud, “well I guess one of yeh could take my bed, and then there’s the mattress in my recording room, if yeh don’t mind sleeping practically on the floor, I’ll just sleep right here on the couch, or…”

A deep airy laugh makes the rambling Irishman quiet then, and Mark makes grabby hands at him and intertwines their fingers when Seán offered his hand, then he pulled him in. 

He yelps and giggles when Mark manhandles him back onto his lap, “We found a BnB not too far from here, our things are already there” 

“Oh”

Nobody missed the disappointment in his voice.

Mark rests his chin on the smaller man’s shoulder and wraps his arms around his waist, bringing him closer to his body, “do you want one of us to stay here with you?” Seán nods -face red and flushed- and Mark offers a simple “ok” against his neck that does unspeakable things to him.

**∧∨**

It was silently agreed on that Mark was the one staying with Seán. Nobody asked, nobody offered. Dahlia and Robin simply said their goodbyes around 6 PM after Seán had come back from recording a quick vlog for his channel.

And then it was just the two of them awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room.

Seán seems to be enamored with his feet as he tells Mark he needs to go back to his office to record a second video, only looking up when he sees Mark take a step forward, towards him.

They’re toe to toe now, nose to nose, and Seán can feel Mark’s breath against his lips. Their eyes connect and brown eyes travel down to his lips and back up to blue eyes. Seán finds himself nodding when he sees that unnamed emotion in his eyes again. 

When Mark leans in, is nothing like their previous kisses. He moves slowly, studying every inch of his lips, and it feels like there’s electricity running through his veins when he smiles against them.

“I’ll be here,” he says, tan bandaged hand on red hot cheek, “I’m not going anywhere”

**∧∨**

It takes Seán longer than expected.

He found a short silly game, played it, edited it and uploads it just in time. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was when he hears the shower running and decides to also record for the next day.

It’s way past 2 AM now and Mark is soundly sleeping on the couch.

He can’t stop the smile on his lips, though. Mark is in Ireland, Mark is in his apartment, on his couch. Mark is here, just like he said he’d be.

He turns the tv off and, reluctantly, goes back upstairs to take a quick shower. But, once he's done, he can’t bring himself to get into bed. His neatly made bed that he hasn’t laid in for the past two weeks, and the makeshift bed in his office just seems too lonely now.

He grabs the pillow and blanket from the mattress in the office and makes his way back downstairs.

Mark is still there.

He moves the coffee table to the side and throws the pillow on the floor, in front of the couch, he covers Mark with the blanket and settles next to his pillow.

There’s too much going through his mind right now, so he chooses to idly roam social media instead of sleeping.

It doesn’t take long, though, for that electrifying feeling to come back to his body as the hairs on the top of his head are played with.

“Did I wake yeh?” he whispers, turning to look at sleepy eyes.

The Korean smiles, simply asking for the time

“2…” he looks back at his phone quickly, “37” he adds the “AM” a few seconds later.

Mark props himself up on his elbow, “Jesus, Jack, why are you still awake?”, he shrugs and Mark is up on his feet then. “C’mon, off to bed you go”

Seán raises an eyebrow at the hand being offered and Mark threatens to carry him if he doesn’t get his ass off the floor and up the stairs. He laughs, but takes the hand and lets himself be manhandled by Mark once more.

Mark pulls him up with enough force to get him standing, and then immediately stumbling into his chest with a giggle. He chuckles, “you ok?” 

Mark holds onto his waist and he wraps his arms around his back. It’s not the question Mark is asking, but he takes a deep breath, burying his face in the nook of his neck, he lets out his breath then and nods. _I’m ok, better now because ye’re here_.

He feels a hand travel up from his waist to the back of his head, “good”, is whispered against his temple and then a kiss.

There are no more words as they walk up the stairs, hand in hand until they’re by Seán’s bedroom door.

Seán doesn’t move from there, he hasn’t made it past his dresser in a while, and now Mark’s pulling the duvet off and motioning for him to get under it.

He’s glaring at the bed like it hurt him, and Mark frowns, “Jack?” it takes a few louder calls for the Irishman to finally look at him, and his heart is breaking all over again when he sees the tears in his eyes.

He doesn’t remember moving, but he must have since he’s now in front of Seán wrapping his arms around him.

“could yeh stay with me, please?”

Mark nods, “no one’s going to hurt you, I’m here”

It’s the first time in two weeks Seán gets in his bed and he expects it to be cold, like the last time, but Mark holds him close and he can feel his warm breath on his neck as he speaks. “no one’s going to hurt you” he repeats over and over again, “I’m here, Jack”

“Mark?” he can feel his heartbeat through his shirt where his hands rest, “could yeh… I know I told yeh not to, but I like it when yeh call me by my given name”

He can feel the smile on the lips pressed on the top of his head

“Whatever you want, Seán”


	26. All That Really Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I think of you from time to time  
> More than I thought I would  
> You were just too kind  
> And I was too young to know  
> That's all that really matters  
> I was a fool"  
>  **~Panic! At The Disco - House of Memories~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start, I just want to say THANK YOU. Waking up this morning to just an immense amount of love from you guys was just truly amazing. You guys really have no idea how much I appreciate you being here.
> 
> so as a thank you gift, and also an apology for taking last week off... fluff!
> 
>  
> 
> Words to look out for...  
>  **Korean:**  
>  _bomul_ = treasure  
>  _aejeong_ = love
> 
>  **Irish:**  
>  _A mhuirnín_ = darling  
>  _mo grá_ = my love

Mark wasn’t there.

Mark wasn’t there when Seán woke up, and his heart is beating way too fast now.

He’s in his bed, cold and alone, and he wonders if the previous day was nothing but a dream.

But the spot next to him is still warm, he can hear movement downstairs through the slightly open door, and the wonderful smell of coffee brewing fills the whole room.

His heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest any second now, and he doesn’t know if it’s fear or excitement he’s feeling as he runs down to the kitchen.

“Jesus, Seán! Where’s the damn fire?!”

 _Thank the fecking Gods!_ “I thought yeh left me” he admits, slightly out of breath.

Mark heaves a sigh, setting down the butter knife and half-buttered toast on the counter, he embraces Seán in a comforting hug. “I just came down here to make breakfast”, he murmurs into the green hair, “I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t think it would affect you this bad”.

The Irishman shakes his head, “it’s fine, I over reacted, I’m sorry” he pulls back from the hug and gives the Korean something akin of a smile, “it smells amazing in ‘ere, what’re yeh making?”

It’s become clearer by the second that something more than what he was letting on had happened, “What did he do to you, Seán?”. if the man heard the question, he doesn’t acknowledge it at all, quickly moving away and busying himself topping his plate with food.

Mark watches quietly, relishing in the little noises Seán makes while eating. “I haven’t had a decent meal in a while,” he tells him with a mouthful of bread and Mark smiles and nods, chewing on his own piece of toast.

He clears the table once Seán is done and ignores the “HEY!” he gives him when he opens the tap and begins doing the dishes.

He hears the creak of the chair behind him and sees the pale hand reaching for the handle, with a soapy hand and a grin on his face, not thinking much of it, he grabs him by the wrist, flips him over and pins the Irishman against the counter, holding his hand behind his back.

His smile falters immediately when he’s met with wide blue eyes filled with fear.

“Shit, Seán… I”, he lets go of the hand and backs away, “I’ll take care of this, you just go get ready, ok?”

He watches the green-haired man turn and leave with no words and Mark really needs to punch someone right now.

He’s so broken.

Seán is so broken and it doesn’t matter how much Mark does. It seems like, at the moment, it’s one step forward and two steps back.

How can he show him? How can he show him now how much he means to him?

Give him time, Mark. Give him space. Give him whatever he wants.

His internal monologue is interrupted by a knock at the front door, and then the door is opening revealing Robin and Dahlia carrying armfuls of bags.

He gets to his feet quickly, taking a couple of bags of his own, _his_ bags. Good, sleeping in his jeans, and commando, hadn’t been the most comfortable.

“Good morning,” Dahlia smiled, happily “how was your night?”

Mark shrugs, “not really sure, Seán spend most of the night recording and then broke down crying when I tried to take him to his room”

Robin frowned, “you didn’t try doing anyth…”

“No!” he barks out before Robin can even finish the sentence, “God no, it was 2 AM and he was still up,” he explains, going back to the kitchen to finish cleaning the dishes, “I just wanted him to lay down in his own bed, I didn’t know… Robin, he didn’t say anything about his… I thought-I thought it had just been on the couch”

Mark is scrubbing the plate in his hands with way more force than needed, and Robin pats him on the shoulder to get his attention. There are silent tears running down almond eyes and the Swedish man motions for him to leave the sink be and join him on the table. Dahlia quickly takes over the task.

“I was there, Mark” Robin admits, after a few quiet seconds. “When he first met him, I was there with him, he seemed like a normal enough kind of guy, he was a doctor for fuck sakes!”

It’s not until now that Mark realizes Robin is probably as angry as he is. This is his best friend we’re talking about, after all. They probably talked about how Mark had acted in LA, how Seán had felt, the dates he went on. It's possible Robin knows more about Seán than Mark himself, and yet this was the one thing Seán hadn’t told him, not until yesterday.

“I checked with the hospital, he’s been suspended while they investigate and of course they can’t tell me where to actually find him” he ruffles the top of his hair, exasperated, “I don’t know how to help”

Mark shrugs, “I don’t know either, honestly”

“What we need to do,” Dahlia informs, digging through cabinets, not turning to look at them even once, “it's just, be der for him, show him we care, but not smother, just pay attention. We’ll figure what to do with _el cabrón ese_ eventually”

Mark nods, then “ _cabrón_ is bad word, right?”

The short girl turns, flashing him a big smile, “it means fucker… or bastard… asshole… son of a bitch, perhaps.” She nods to herself, going back to what she was doing, “all acceptable in this case”.

Mark chuckles and Robin shakes his head, “are you sure you’re not part Irish, you curse too damn much”

“I’m gonna go change,” Mark tells them, leaving them to bicker

He grabs clean clothes and toiletries from his luggage and proceeds up the stairs, but before he can make it into the bathroom he hears a quiet, “Hey, Mark?” from Seán’s room.

“what’s up, _bomul_?”

He smiles, “I don’t know what that one means, what is it?”

“never mind that,” Mark shakes his head, a playful smirk on his lips, “what’s going on?”

Seán pouts a little and sticks his tongue out, “ye’re being mean to me”

Mark rolls his eyes and walks into the room, towards the bed where the Irishman was sitting. He stands as the half-Korean approaches him, and Mark wraps an arm around his waist, “Are you gonna tell me what you called me for or,” his other hand cups his face and his lips brush at his jawline, “do I have to kiss it out of you?”

“Well, there’s an idea” he giggles as Mark rubs his stubbly beard against his clean shaven cheek, “Alright, alright, geez, I’ll tell yeh, just stop that yeh hairy”

Mark moves back, not letting go. Seán takes a deep breath, holding it for a second and then let’s go. “Did yeh and Amy break up because of me?”

“not really, no,” he kisses his nose and Seán giggles again, “but yes?”, his thumb caresses the fading smile off his lips. “Even after you left, even after we talked and presumably worked things out, even after all these months, all I could think of were these lips” he kisses the corner of his mouth, and connects with blue eyes, “those mesmerizing beautiful eyes”, he looks down at how close their bodies are now, “and just how good you feel”, he bites down at the corner of his own lips at the mewl Seán lets out. 

His lips are so sensitive from the abuse he keeps putting them under but it feels so damn good when Seán takes them between his, he can’t help the groan that escapes him.

It’s hungry, the way they push and pull at each other, but soft all at once. Mark wants nothing more than to show him, make the message clear. _I care about you, I want you, I need you_.

They part for breath and Mark wants nothing more than to move this to the bed, but he won’t. Not yet.

“Robin and Dahlia are downstairs,” he pants, and goes back to the red swollen lips, “you should go say hi”, a pant and fervor full kiss, “I have to change”, he pulls at the bottom lip and the Irishman moans, “fuck, I want you so bad, Seán”

Seán chuckles low, “don’t tell me things like that if yeh want to stop, _A mhuirnín_ ” his pupils wide with lust.

“what does that mean?”

He smirks, “yeh have yer words, I have mine”

Mark laughs, “I see how it is,” he takes a deep breath, connecting their foreheads together “good Lord, I need a cold shower”

“yeh and me both, big boy” Seán giggles at the way Mark’s eyes go wide at the pet name, “I’m gonna go now before I change me mind and let yeh ravish me on this bed here”

Seán leaves the room, reluctantly, a couple of things still in his mind. 

1) **Mark and Amy are no longer a thing**. They announced it on twitter some days ago.

2) **It was because of him**. He shouldn’t be giddy about that -but he is, he totally is- it wasn’t his intentions to come between them, he just wanted to figure things out for himself and a complicated game of gay chicken made everything, well, complicated.

3) **Mark never stopped thinking about him**. Mark wanted him. Mark is here, with him.

He can’t help the skips and giggles as he makes his way to his friends.

He finds Robin and Dahlia moving around the kitchen, handling ingredients and throwing them in the pots and pans on the stove almost in sync. “This seems oddly domestic,” Seán tells them, grinning when they both jump in surprise.

Dahlia courses him out in Spanish for scaring her, then rolls her eyes at his comment with an “Ew” for emphasis, going back to the pot she was working in.

“Hey!” Robin seems offended and the girl glares at him, probably the first time Seán has seen her look directly at someone for more than 5 seconds. Robin then shrugs, “yeah, ok. Ew.”

Seán chuckles, “wow, yeh two are just lovely”

“It'd be like liking my own sister,” the Swede explains, then shudders at the thought

Dahlia smiles and bumps him with her shoulder when he stands next to her again, “thanks, bro”

The Puerto Rican and Swede go back to whatever it was they were doing -refusing to tell Seán exactly what that was, but it smells amazing- idly keeping up with talks to entertain the Irishman until Mark joins them again.

He has a different pair of jeans on now, a lighter blue than the ones he was wearing a few minutes ago, nicely paired with a boysenberry colored v neck that clung to his body just right. His hair was damp, and Seán noticed he was wearing his glasses.

“Are you ready to go, _aejeong_?” he asks, handing Robin his phone, and Seán blushes because he knows what the word means and the only times Mark has directed it to him before it was meant as a show of friendship. Things are different between them now, though.

He hides his face and swallows the lump in his throat, “where are we going?”

Mark grins as he receives his phone back, “trust me?” he nods, “Then don’t worry and just come with me” he offers his hand and leans in when Seán takes it. They share a chaste kiss, the Irishman being the one to part first. Unless his room is their destination he doesn’t want to escalate anything in the presence of their friends… because he’s not afraid to kick them out.

**∧∨**

Mark drives around Athlone like he’s been driving on the left side of the road his whole life, easily following the directions of the GPS. Seán still has no idea where they’re going, though.

There’s been something in the Irishman’s mind since they left his place and now, that Mark’s hand rests on him, it seems like the perfect time to bring it up.

“yeh called me _love_ ,” he says quietly, tracing the fingers on his knee with his own, “back in the apartment”

“I’m aware”, Mark chuckles and Seán huffs

“why? What did yeh mean by calling me that?”

Mark pulls into the shopping centre and Seán raises an eyebrow at him –all the secrecy, for this?- “what do you think I meant?”

“I don’t know,” he fidgets with the tan hand, “I like what’s happening, but I’m not really sure I know what any of it means”

Mark interwinds their fingers, bringing their joins hands to the gear shift as he puts the car in park and pulls the emergency break up, glad now the rental car he had chosen was an automatic. He turns to the small Irishman then, “It means…” he brings the pale hand to his lips, kissing affirmations on every knuckle like he had done in the hospital, “I adore you” kiss “I care about you” kiss “I want you to be happy” kiss “you’re my main priority” kiss.

Seán opens his mouth but closes it again afraid his heart might jump out. Mark is looking at him through half lidded eyes, his hand still against his lips and Seán is sure his face is as red as it feels.

Mark smiles, kissing the hand again, “it means you’re the only one I want” he whispers against the pale skin and finally, sets it free to unbuckle his seat belt. Seán doesn’t move, choosing to stare at the man with wide eyes. Mark leans in, helping him out of his seat belt as well, their faces inches away.

Mark watches Seán’s Adam’s apple go up and down and looks up at the blue eyes of his… lover. 

He smirks at the thought, a few months ago that same thought had terrified him, today all he wanted to do was show him.

Seán’s eyes travel down to his smile, and Mark lets out an airy laugh when the Irishman is the one leaning into him first.

“I love you”

The words escape him before their lips can connect, and Seán stops. 

If Mark concentrates hard enough he can hear his heart beat. “Wh-what did yeh just said?”

Mark’s eyes are wide with realization, a smile on his lips slowly growing and soon he’s laughing that loud guffaw of his.

Seán glares, confused as all hell, “what the fock are yeh laughing about?”

Mark clears tears out of his eyes and sighs loudly, throwing his head back on the head rest. “God dammit, that just came out” he admits, giggling, he turns his face to the right to look at wondering blue eyes, a grin plaster in his face, “I love you, Seán McLoughlin”

Seán nods, not sure of what to do right now, “do yeh mean that?”

And Mark frowns, lifting his head again, “of course” he turns in his seat, sitting sidewise facing the Irishman, “…that day at my house, when I took Wade and Bob to the airport, they told me you were crying, they told me I hurt you, and that’s the last thing I wanted” he stops, bowing his head in shame, Seán takes his hand, squeezing, urging him to continue. He nods and takes a deep breath, “I guess I realized that day, when you left, when Amy asked me why I was sulking by the window” he snickers, “I think she realized then, too.”

Seán’s not looking at him, he’s busy picking at Mark’s bandages on his hand, “if yeh knew back then…” he doesn’t finish but Mark knows what he wants to ask.

He puts two fingers under his chin, pushing his face up to look at him, “I am so sorry, Seán,” he says enunciating every word, “I know I should’ve told you, all of this could’ve been avoiding if I just told you then, I know” he squeezes his hand, “I’m sorry”

“It’s not your…”

“Don’t you fucking say it’s not my fault, Seán” he says strongly, “if I had told you that night when you said you hated that I didn’t love you… if I hadn’t been so fucking afraid of my own feelings”

“Mark… ye’re hurting me”

Mark realizes he’s no longer gently squeezing the pale hand and has a strong grip on it instead. He quickly let’s go, pulling away with an apology on his lips but Seán stops him, grabbing the hand again.

“Stop saying you’re sorry”, he commands, and smiles as he pushes hair out of the half Korean's face, “it’s ok”

“it’s not ok. If I told you I loved you then, everything you’ve been through could’ve been avoided”

Seán scoffs, “no it wouldn’t have”

“I hurt you too”

“Fer fock sakes, Mark! You are not seriously comparing what yeh did, or didn’t fucking do, to what that monster did to me?!” Mark’s quiet then and now it’s Seán the one pushing his chin up, “do yeh love me now?” he nods, “good, because I love you too” he grins and Mark’s lips turn upward slowly, “alright now, why did yeh bring me to the damn shopping centre?”

Mark’s quiet, his brain still processing everything, and Seán rolls his eyes playfully, he leans in over Mark and turns the car off, taking the keys out in the process. He stops in front of Mark’s face when retrieving back to his seat, pushing away again those stubborn strands that insisted on covering that beautiful face of his. “We’re going to be alright, _mo grá_ ” and he boops the nose, before finally getting out of the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "break out the L word"  
> "'lesbian'?"  
> "the other L word"  
> "'lesbians'?"


	27. Give My All To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause all of me  
> Loves all of you  
> Love your curves and all your edges  
> All your perfect imperfections  
> Give your all to me  
> I'll give my all to you  
> You're my end and my beginning  
> Even when I lose I'm winning  
> 'Cause I give you all of me  
> And you give me all of you, oh oh"  
>  **~John Legend - All of Me~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was longer than I expected it to be. Like, way longer. Plus, for some reason my Grammarly just stopped working on Word but works fine on Chrome... so I had to edit here.
> 
> Anyway.  
> I wanted to take my time with this. And, not to toot my own horn but (toot-toot) I think it came out great.  
> I wanted to show you guys the goofy/silly side as well as the nervous, soft, gentle side.
> 
> I hope you all like it... and, without further ado.
> 
> Smut.

Mark looks over the mess they made in the living room with a huge grin on his face.

There are boxes of ornaments, tinsel, Christmas lights and tree needles scattered everywhere, but none of that matters because Seán’s beautiful laugh finally echoes throughout the entire apartment again.

And when those hypnotizing blue eyes connect with him, he knows he’s doing the right thing.

“what got yeh so quiet, _A mhuirnín_?” the smile on him is perfect, and Mark wants nothing more than to be the drink in his cup, against his soft, plump, delicious lips.

…Ok. Wow. Mark, that could possibly be the gayest thing you’ve thought of, and fuck if you don’t want it to be real.

“alright, come on, don’t think ye’re just gonna stand there laughing to yerself like the weirdo yeh are” Mark watches him grin, putting the cup down and licking his lips clean from the creamy white drink, it’s doing things to him.

“…Mark!”

“uh?”

“come up here and put some shite on the tree!” there’s a glittery red ball thrown at him, “seriously, did yeh forgot to take yer pills today?”

He smiles, walking closer to the Irishman and hooking the ornament to an empty branch, “believe it or not, medication helps you focus, but you have to put in some effort of your own as well. I don’t have any work related task to focus on right now, so I’m focusing on you instead”.

Seán fumbles with his words as a red tint covers his cheeks, “on me? How-what… what are yeh… how does that work?”

Mark chuckles, grabbing a couple more ornaments and putting them up as he explains, “it’s a bit of a tunnel vision feeling. Without the pills, I want to do everything all at once, and then nothing really gets done at the end. But, with the pills, I can focus on what I need to do, take my time and avoid distractions, and things usually get done then”. He grins, putting the last ornament in his hands up, “I made a shit ton of videos for when we went on tour and, in an expected Markiplier fashion, forgot to upload most of them. I still have some left, which are the ones I’m using for this trip, so while I’m here, you have my undivided attention.”

Seán nods, understanding his explanation, “ok, I get that, but then if yeh were so focus on me, what were yeh laughing ‘bout?”

“Oh,” Mark smirks, “I was just thinking about everything I want to do with you”

“And what exactly would that be?”

“Ugh, you two do know I’m standing right next to you, right?!” Robin exclaims, throwing the ornament he had just grabbed back into the box, “disgusting” he spits the word at them mockingly, a grin on his face.

Some minutes passed and they had finally run out of things to put on the bell shape spruce tree. They let Dahlia put the star on the top, and Mark kneeled next to the plug to connect the Christmas lights while Seán turned the main lights off.

“Alright, ready?” he asked, as the other three settled in front of the tree, “3, 2…” he watched their faces illuminate with a smile.

The way the white lights dance on Seán’s milky skin was alluring, bright blue eyes brighter, inviting, breath taking. 

He’s in love, Mark is truly in love with him.

He’s in love with his laugh, his voice, his eyes, his lips, his hands, his curves.

His sense of humor, his energy, his determination, strength, and perseverance.

He’s even in love with his work ethic.

Mark is in love with all of him.

“Come here, _mo ghrá_ ” Seán extends a hand in his direction, and Mark takes it because he knows Seán loves him too.

He brings his hands up to frame Seán’s face, “hi”

Seán breathes, “hi”

Mark leans in and rubs his lips against his pink ones, not a kiss but just there, and time seems to freeze.

This is not what he was raised on. Not what he was taught. Not what he is used to.

He thought it would be weird, that it would feel wrong. A man loving, kissing, touching another man. It’s what had him so scared before.

But Seán just feels right. So, so right.

“I love you”

Mark will never get tired of hearing him say that. He wanted to say it back so many times before, but couldn’t.

Today he can.

“I love you too”

They spent what seemed like hours there, lost in each other’s eyes, in the dim light of the Christmas tree. Dahlia and Robin are gone and they didn’t even hear them leave.

Mark can’t be blamed though, his hands are on both sides of the Irishman’s hips, and he’s relearning what his mouth tastes like.

He takes his bottom lip in his mouth and gently sucks on it. Seán’s hands are tangled in his hair, and he pulls on it a little with a gasp. Mark wants to hear him make that sound again.

Seán pulls apart then, corner of his bottom lip between his teeth, the blue iris of his eyes almost nonexistent around blown black pupils. “I need to go to the bathroom”

Mark nods, removing his hands from him and taking a step back.

Seán tilts his head, a little giggle on his lips. “That could have been sexier” he takes his still bandaged hand and kisses each finger tip, he stops when he reaches his thumb, looking up at Mark’s warm brown eyes as he pushes the digit into his mouth to the first knuckle. He closes his eyes moving his tongue across the underneath and slowly pulling it out with a low moan. 

When he opens his eyes again, Mark has his own eyes shut tight, his head tilted back just ever so slightly, and he’s biting his lip.

He huffs a chuckle and presses the thumb against his lips, “meet me in my room in a little bit, ok?” He kisses the wet spot and let’s go.

Mark nods, eyes still closed as his hand falls back down to the side of his body.

 _Ok. Ok. This is happening. This. Is. Happening… Is it?!_

He takes a long deep breath, ruffling his hair. Seán is gone when he opens his eyes again and he nods to himself.

He cleans up the living room, picking the empty boxes and wrappers and putting them in a big empty bag. He swipes the floor clear of needles, and passes a clean drag over the coffee table, and… and… that’s it. There’s nothing else to clean. The dishes from their authentic Puerto Rican meal had been cleaned and put away and the table had been cleared. 

He has nothing else to distract him from the running water in the bathroom.

…So, I guess it’s been _a little bit_ by now…

He grabs clean clothes and waits, leaning against the wall across from the bathroom door.

It’s not long until the water stops and Seán is standing by the threshold.

His green hair is sticking to his forehead still wet from the shower, and Mark can still see the shadows of a blush on his face. His blue eyes are focused on his feet, though, as he walks into his room without a word.

Mark takes another big breath, stepping into the bathroom for a quick shower himself.

Seán waits for him sitting by the end of the bed, pulling the sleeves of his oversized jumper over his hands, exposing a bit of collar as he does, he’s not wearing anything underneath, and the only thing covering from his waist down is black skin tight boxers.

Mark closes the door behind him, leaning against the cold wood, wondering if he should had covered himself with more than just sweatpants.

He takes a hesitant step, and then another one until he’s standing next to him. The bed dips a little when he sits and Seán dips with it, bumping him on the arm with a giggle.

Mark watches him rest his head on his shoulder with a happy little sigh, enjoying the contact. He kisses the green hair, placing his hand just above his knee, squeezing lightly. “You know we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. This is enough.”

Seán smiles, carefully removing the hand, “I know, and it is, but” he brings his legs up on the bed, kneeling, and swings one over Mark’s lap, straddling his hips, “I want to”

Mark nodded, entranced by the man hugging him so tightly, with his arms and his leg, “are you sure?”

He pulls back, bringing his hands down to his stomach, slowly moving them upwards to his abs and chest, exploring. He snakes them back to their place around Mark’s neck, and leans in, placing open mouth kisses to his throat. He hums, warm breath against the naturally tan skin. 

Mark shudders, tilting his head back for better access but still, he speaks “I just don’t want to hurt you”

Seán pulls back again, cupping his face, caressing his thumb across Mark’s lips, “ _mo mhuirnín, mo chroí, mo ghrá_ ” he sits on his lap, “do I look like I’m hurt?”

“you look horny” Mark chuckles pulling the thumb into his own mouth in the same way Seán had done to him before, the Irishman moans and Mark smirks, “see how that feels”

Seán bites at his lips and pulls him in for a deep kiss.

“what did you say to me?”

He sits back on his lap, hard. “Mark, do _YOU_ want to do this?”

“God yes, I do, of course, I do… I just” he trails off, hiding his hands inside the jumper, running circles on the small of his back, “I’m nervous, ok” Seán smiles at the confession, “what if I do something wrong, what if I’m too rough and hurt you, what if you don’t like it”

Seán huffs out a small laugh, shaking his head. His arms wrap around his neck once again, a hand smoothing down the hair on the nape. “Mark, baby”, he kisses his forehead, “ _my darling, my heart, my love_ ” he answers his previous question and Mark smiles when he realizes it, he grins, leaning down to his lips, “I have no focking idea what I’m doing” he admits with a giggle against his lips.

Mark kisses him -small kisses, slow kisses, deep kisses, passionate kisses- They’re getting lost in each other again.

Seán pushes, without separating their lips, and Mark goes easily. The smaller man reluctantly lifts himself from his lap and allows him to scoot up on the bed, his head on the pillows now.

He’s sitting low on his thighs, and Mark invites him closer with a low “come here”

He crawls up, resting his elbow on each side of his head, tangling his hands in the dark hair. “I’m nervous too, I’m… after what happened…”

He trails off, and Mark wraps his arms around his waist, “shhh, shhh, shhh, it’s alright, _I’m_ here”

Seán nods, still playing with his hair, not looking at him, “I'm scared…”

“we don’t have to…”

“Mark,” he sits up, running his hand across the naked chest underneath him, “I trust yeh” he finally looks up at those warm brown eyes, “if yeh do something wrong, if yeh hurt me, which yeh won’t, I **know** yeh didn’t mean to” he lays his body back down, against his chest, “It’s a learning experience for the both of us, and I want it… I need it” he whispers in his ear and Mark nods, “I need to feel yeh, I need yeh to hold me, touch me, just like yeh were doing before” Mark's response is to tug at the jumper, and with a bit of help, take it off of him. He brings his hands to his back and softly presses him to his body again. 

When their skins finally touch, Seán lets out that little gasp Mark had liked. He nods in approval of all the new feelings -they’ve never been this close before. He buries his face in the nook of Mark’s neck, and kisses him there, “I want you to make me feel good, I need you to make me forget…”

Mark hugs him a little tighter, taking a big breath, his voice is low, almost a whisper, “I’m going to flip us, now”

Seán nods, appreciating the warning. Mark lifts his head some, for him to hold onto his neck better, he feels him move his legs from between his to his sides, bending his knees. He closes his eyes momentarily, and when he opens them Mark is there, hovering above him.

“I love you”

Seán wants to say it back, but all he can manage is a gasp, as Mark leaves open mouth kisses all over his neck and throat. 

Everything is so different, Mark is so much gentle to him. So good.

A moan escapes him. Everything is so good. 

He has a hand tangled in his hair, tugging at it to get his attention, Mark comes up to connect their lips.

Soft, tender. Seán whimpers.

Mark’s tongue traces his lip and he lets him in, touching and exploring each other. 

Their hands move, tracing patterns, on their arms, their chest, their sides. 

Mark shutters, groaning into his mouth. He moves, kissing his jawline, the beard tickles him but he doesn’t care because Mark is pulling at his earlobe, licking around it, making him hum in pleasure.

And he’s moving again, down to his neck, to his collarbone, to his nipples. Seán nearly screams, arching his back as Mark laps and sucks at the sensitive area.

He removes himself and blows on the wet bud, making Seán both hiss and laugh.

He grins, coming up to him again, “hi”

Seán giggles, his breathing a little erratic, “hi”

“Just checking in,” the deep voice tells him, “how are you feeling?”

Blue eyes blink at him, and he lifts his head to connect their lips, “God, ye’re so good to me”

“I just wanna make sure I’m doing a good job”

Seán lays his head back down on the pillow with a chuckle, putting his arm over his eyes, his face hot and flushed. _He’s doing an amazing job_.

Mark watches him, he can see the contentment on his smile, it makes him smile too. “hey, _bomul_?” he kisses the corner of his mouth and Seán peeks from under his hiding spot, he can feel one of Mark’s hands caressing his side, “Can I… can I touch you?”

 _He’s asking me permission?_ He can feel the tears forming. _He wants to make sure I’m ok, he doesn’t want to hurt me. He’s so good, so goddamn good_.

He covers his eyes again, nodding.

Mark’s hand moves up to his ribs, “are you sure? I won’t touch if you don’t want me to, Seán”

 _God!_ he nods again, “I want yeh to”

Mark kisses him, his hand moving down, thumb rubbing circles on his hip. His fingers slip inside the boxers and Seán holds his breath.

Mark removes himself from on top of him, sitting on his side, paying close attention to his face for any discomfort.

His thumb is still rubbing circles on his skin, and it seems to relax him a little. He hooks his fingers on the waistline, and Seán lifts his hips to help him.

He pulls the tight undergarment down his legs and off, tossing it to the side of the bed with the jumper.

 _ok, that’s a penis… not my penis… but a penis… Seán’s penis_. He swallows the lump in his throat, looking up at the still covered face. _I can do this, for him. Make him feel good, make him forget._

He lays down next to him, propping on his elbow. He pulls the arm away from Seán’s face, intertwining their fingers.

Seán watches him kiss his hand and feels the slight pressure on the inside of his thigh. He wants to cover his face again but Mark is looking at him, not moving past his leg. He bites his lips, and nods, closing his eyes.

Mark kisses his cheek and nudges it. He feels Mark’s hand ghost at his length and his eyes shoot open, wide. He doesn’t want to be afraid, Mark’s been too good to him.

Mark’s not around him anymore, and he turns to look at him. He can see sadness in his eyes, but there’s love there too. The unnamed emotion, he knows what it is now. What he can’t see is any blue in his eyes, other than his own reflection in his pupils.

He lifts his head and kisses him, nodding again. _Mark’s not him, Mark is good, Mark loves me_.

He feels the hand again, softly, slowly, barely there. _Mark loves me_. He moans.

He’s so gentle, it’s been too long. “ye’re too good” _to me_ , he wanted to say ‘you’re too good to me’ but a moan and a whine interrupted him.

Mark snickers, “you know I won’t judge you if you…”

“shudup”

He leans down to his ear, making sure he hears him under all the moaning and heavy breathing he’s doing. “can I… move my hand?”

“aren’t yeh… moving it now” he pants, biting his lip.

“Yeah, I mean…”

“oh” was that out of pleasure or realization? “I-I did it… already”

“you _did_ it?”

He nods, shutting his eyes, “I wasn’t sure… you’d want to”

His hand stops for a second, and he puts a bit more pressure, Seán arches his back in a silent scream. “love, of course, I want to touch you”

Seán’s eyes go wide when he feels Mark place a kiss on the head of his penis, and watches him leave the bed to his bags.

He frowns, “yeh brought yer own lube?”

“Just in case pocket, just in case!” he smiles, digging for a condom and then stops, “…I wasn’t planning…”

Seán shakes his head, smirking at his embarrassment, “just come back to me, I miss yeh”. Mark smiles, jumping back to his side making him bounce a little. He laughs, “ye’re a child”.

“hm, that’s a little weird” he pulls at his earlobe with his lips again, “so, you fingered yourself?” Seán’s face is as red as his hair used to be. Mark kisses his cheek, loudly, “Are we still doing good?”

“amazing” he breathes out, and Mark kisses his lips this time.

He hears the cap open and Mark maneuvers to pour it on his fingers and still kiss him at the same time. He feels his arm move.

He takes a big breath and lets it out while Mark watches him, he closes his eyes trying to relax. He did it himself some minutes ago, how bad could it be a second time.

“Oh”

He’s still open, the first digit going without much pressure. He wants to look at Mark but this is better than what he did. It still stings, but it’s a good sting.

Mark moves slowly, it’s so warm, and thigh, and different. And…

“oh my God!” Seán’s eyes are so big, and he’s moving his hip, whimpering. “w-what was that?”

Mark pushes against his wall again, and Seán sobs, “I think it’s your prostate” he pushes another finger in and he screams now, “sorry, I should’ve warned you”

He shakes his head, “No, keep going, please”

He moves his fingers inside of him, watching his face for any sign of pain. All he can see is pleasure, sweaty, panting, moaning.

He groans, and his own penis throbs in his pants. God, he’s so hard it hurts.

Seán bites his lips, hard, looking at him through half lidded eyes. His hand moves and he grabs at the sweatpants, palming Mark through the fabric. He moans. Seán growls at him, “off!”

He regrets it when Mark removes his fingers and he’s empty again, but the sight is a rewarding one.

Mark gets off the bed, standing next to him on the opposite side of where he was, and he pulls his pants down, penis springing out.

He wasn’t wearing any underwear.

All this time and he wasn’t wearing any fucking underwear.

Seán moans. Fuck he’s big, that’s gonna hurt. He remembers how empty he feels then, fuck it. Fuck me.

Mark rolls the condom on and looks into his eyes as he rubs lube up and down his length.

Fuck, that’s hot.

He gets back in bed, nestling between his legs, he lines himself, and looks up at him, “checking in… how are you fe…”

“Mark, ye’re amazing, I love yeh so damn much, but please just fuck me”

Mark nods, because how was he going to argue with that.

He pushes in, slowly. Seán clenches around him, just for a second, and he feels like he’s going to lose it there. He stumbles, falling forward, catching himself before he can crush Seán with his weight.

They moan together, and Seán cradles his face bringing him in for sloppy kisses between pants.

Mark reaches the end, laughing a little as his body twitches involuntarily. 

They kiss again, swallowing each other’s moans as Mark slowly starts to move in and out of him.

Jesus Christ, even when he’s fucking him he’s still gentle.

No.

The way their bodies touch… the way _he_ touches him, kisses him, looks at him.

Mark’s making love to him.

He opens his eyes, looking straight into his.

Mark’s making love to him.

“Mark…” he breaths, touching his face. Mark nods, unable to speak, he’s listening.

He bites down a moan, “I love you, Mark”

Mark growls, nodding, he still can’t speak. He leans down and kisses him. Seán clenches, and his body spasms underneath him, sticky warmth between them.

He thrusts twice more, and he’s riding his own orgasm then.

He falls, landing on Seán with a huff and a squish. He gives a lopsided smile and kisses his cheek, “I love you too”

“Ye’re heavy” he whines, but that might’ve been because Mark pulled out of him.

“I don’t want to move” he kisses his jawline, head on his shoulder.

“Then don’t” Seán wraps his arms around his shoulders, with the intention to play with his hair, but there’s another loud squish and they both grimace, laughing.

“Alright, I’m getting off” and Seán whines again making grabby hands, “I’ll be right back”.

He gives him two thumbs up, “and I’ll be right here”. He expects Mark to go to the bathroom to clean up, but he stops by his bag. Ok, he’s getting clean clothes… wait, nope. “Yeh packed baby wipes, too?”

“just in case pocket” he shrugs, looking back over his shoulder, “do _you_ wanna take a shower?”

“Nah, I’m good”

“good”, he brings the package of wet wipes with him after getting rid of the used condom and cleaning himself. He takes a few wipes out and gets to cleaning Seán up. “So, checking in…” the Irishman laughs, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m sorry the old Seán can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, 'cause he’s dead”

Mark glares at him but there’s no bite to it. “Seán, _that_ meme is dead, let it go”

He grins

“I swear if you start singing Let It Go, I will not get in that bed and cuddle with you”

“awwwhh… fine”

Mark climbs in bed behind him -after they both put their underwear on again- holding him close to his chest, “seriously, though. Are you ok?”

“I’m great, Mark” he traces his arms around him, “Really, yeh were amazing”

Mark kisses the back of his head, murmuring a “thank you” against the hair.

Seán turns his head and reaches back, locking lips with him. “I love you”

“I love you, more”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't say dick or cock once! are yeh proud of me, ma!
> 
> Also, I hate myself for a using a kids show reference. IM SORRY PETER RABBIT!
> 
> Also, Also... can we kill the "the old Taylor" meme already? It's been two weeks.
> 
>  
> 
> Coming back to edit this because I just re-read it to make sure everything was good and I remembered I fucking cried when Mark asked permission to touch Seán. Like fuck dude. you da man.


	28. In The Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now when you take me in the morning  
> In your eyes I see the sunrise baby  
> No more lies and if you're looking for maybe  
> cause I love the way you take me"  
>  **~The Heavy - In The Morning~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took way longer than it should have, two weeks longer to be exact... Now, I'm not going to bore you with the details, but one of the reasons why I couldn't write (mainly because of how stress I've been) was because of Hurricane Maria.
> 
> If you don't know, I'm Puerto Rican. I do not currently live in Puerto Rico but I was born and raised there, and the majority of my family is still there. After Hurricane Maria Puerto Rico has been declared a disaster zone. There's no electricity, no water, no gas or diesel, no communication, people have lost their homes!
> 
> We are US citizen, have been since 1898, and a lot of people seem to forget that.
> 
> I'm not here to beg or ask for anyone's pity, but if you want to help I will be putting links on the end note for different charities you can donate to, and even if you can't donate simply sharing helps too.
> 
> Anyway. Thanks for sticking with me through all my rambling. 
> 
> NOW the real reason why you're here!  
> I realize nothing happens here but next chapter kinda moves the plot a tiny bit and I didn't want to just jump on it, so... Have some smut!  
> PS. writing this actually help calm down my stress. lol

Seán wasn’t there.

Seán wasn’t there when Mark woke up, but Mark didn’t worry because he had seen him leave about two hours ago before drifting back to sleep.

He stares at the ceiling, chuckling to himself as he remembers the night before.

God, were they awkward.

But never in his life would Mark had thought he would enjoy being with another man so much. And not just sexually. 

Seán was Mark’s best friend, and Mark really did love everything about the man, how attractive he was was just a nice bonus... and the actual sex was on a whole different level.

He won’t think too much into that because, again, he loves Seán for who he is, even if the sounds and faces he made **were** incredible -not to mention the way he felt…

Mark picks his phone up from the bedside table and shoots the Irishman a quick text.

_come back_  
_I miss you_

It takes about 30 seconds to get a response.

_I miss you too_  
_I’m almost done here_

Mark was assuming “here” was the recording room, and he shouldn’t be bothering Seán while he worked just because he got himself _worked_ up.

He sends another text to let the other man know to forget it and lays back down on the bed considering his options.

He could just ignore it and go downstairs to make breakfast for the both of them, or take a cold shower instead, he needed one anyway. 

That really does seem like the best idea at the moment, if it wasn’t for his hand already on his crotch.

He palms himself a couple of times through the fabric of his boxers before realizing what he’s doing and, begrudgingly, removes his hand with a groan.

 _No, shower now_. He coaches himself, willing his body to get out of bed.

He’s at the bathroom door when Seán pops out of his office, “I thought I told you to forget it” Mark tells him with a faux scold

He shrugs, eyeing Mark’s half-naked body, lingering a second on the bulge in his pants, “just wanted to see what yeh were up to” he says biting the corner of his lip.

Suddenly, Mark is acutely aware of his boner, and he’s opening the door to hide behind it, blushing profusely, “I, uh, I was just gonna take a quick shower”

“Ok,” Seán smirks, watching Mark fumble with the clothes in his hands as he tries to get past the threshold. “Hey, Mark?” he calls before the half-Asian disappears from view completely, “Do you mind if I join yeh?”

Mark’s eyes blow wide and Seán has to hold back a laugh. How silly for Mark to be nervous now, after what they did the night before.

“I, uh, y-yeah, I mean, yeah, if you want, yeah sure”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want ta”

Mark nods, “um, ok, I’m, I’m just gonna set up the water”

 _That_ was Mark talk for _“I’m giving you time to change your mind”_

Seán huffs, going back into his office to make sure nothing was left on, and secretly giving Mark his own time to get comfortable again.

He waits until he hears the water running to get in the bathroom, too. He takes his clothes off in silent, just listening to Mark’s forced-calmed breaths

He’s scared to get in, then. “Yeh ok in there, love?”

“Yeah, I’m good” he can hear the smile in his voice, “come in here, I wanna see you”

“Are yeh sure?” he asks, slowly stepping into the bathtub. Mark’s eyes are closed, head tipped back as he lets the water soak his hair and run down his body, Seán follows every drop.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to”, Seán forces his eyes to go back up to meet Mark’s, whose are now open watching him with a smirk on his lips, “like what you see?”

“Yeah, I do, actually” Seán returns the smile, taking a small step forward, “can I?”

Mark is not sure what he’s agreeing to, but he nods anyway.

Seán brings a hand up to his face, cradling the side of it, and the other hands he runs through his dark hair. Mark takes a deep breath, closing his eyes again, as Seán reaches for the shampoo and works it into a lather with both hands now. He takes his time, enjoying the feeling of the wet hair between his fingers, the small sounds of approval Mark makes here and there, and his hands on each side of his hips as he massages his scalp. Seán instructs him to lean back into the water, “why are yeh nervous?” he asks casually, working the suds off his locks.

Mark snickers, “it’s not that I’m nervous” he explains, “I just want to do so many things to you, like, you don’t understand”

“Oh, I understand”

Mark opens one eye, playfully glaring as much as he can with it. He continues as if the Irishman hadn’t spoken and it makes him giggle.

“I don’t want to force myself on you”

Seán removes his hands from his hair and holds his face again, making Mark straighten his head and look at him. “ _A mhuirnín_ ” he starts softly, “I asked to be here” Mark makes to say something but Seán brings a thumb to his lips, quieting him, he leans in and kisses him under the falling water, “I want to be here”

Mark nods, allowing himself to be kissed again, once, twice, thrice, until they need to breathe. Seán has relocated him against the wall, and Mark holds his hips closer to his body. They shudder as their growing erections brush.

Seán runs his hands down his arms and chest as he works on kissing his neck now, “Ye’ve made me feel things I never thought I’d feel” he whispers in his ear, leaving kitten licks around it, “I want to make yeh feel good, too” Mark groans, feeling the pale hands move down his body, tilting his head to give him more room to explore. He kisses down his collarbone, hand tracing patterns on the inside of his thigh. Seán kisses and bites, slowly running his fingers over Mark’s dick, pulling noises from him he had never heard before.

“Just bear with me,” he jokes, wrapping his fingers around the base, “I haven’t done this on anyone other than meself”

Mark wants to laugh but Seán slowly begins moving his hand and what comes out is a guttural moan instead.

It starts slow and sloppy, shaky, but Seán soon finds a steady rhythm that has Mark writhing in his hands.

His trailing kisses all over his face, his neck, his chest, as his name slips out of Mark’s mouth with each thrust of his hand.

He keeps trailing down.

It takes Mark a few foggy seconds to realize Seán is not in front of him anymore, not standing anyway.

He looks down at the kneeling man, “wh-what a-are you d-doing?”

Seán caresses his hip with his free hand, putting slight pressure to keep him in place, “trust me?”

Mark nods, “I do, I do, fuck Seán, I trust you, just…” he brings a shaking hand up to his shoulder, trying to stop his hand from moving before he completely loses his mind, “you don’t have to, I’m already, shit, I’m almost there”. Seán smirks making eye contact as he inches closer with his mouth ajar, tongue sticking out. He slowly licks the slit of Mark’s head clean of precum and Mark clenches his eyes shut, groaning. “you don’t have to” he repeats

“I want to” is all Seán says before taking Mark’s head into his mouth, moaning at the new feeling, the new taste. He tries to take as much of Mark’s length as he can and works what he can’t with his hand as he bobs his head slowly.

Mark’s hand finds its way to Seán’s hair from his shoulder, gripping but not pulling, head tilted back and mouth hanging open. Seán keeps moaning around him, sending strangely good vibrations through his dick to his belly. He makes the “mistake” of looking down again and finding those blue eyes staring up at him as his dick goes in and out of perfectly pink lips.

“fuck” he pulls at the hair now, “s-stop, fuck, Seán, stop, I’m…” his eyes trailed down to the hand no longer holding him in place. He watches Seán work his hand on himself with the same rhythm he works on Mark with his mouth, eyes still trained on his face. Mark growls, he tries to pull at the hair again but Seán is pushing forward, “Seán, please” He has no idea what his begging for anymore.

Seán moans and Mark pulls at his hair harder, bringing his lips to the head. If he can’t remove him, at least he will try not to choke him as he spills down his throat.

He doesn’t give himself a chance to properly ride his orgasm as he pulls Seán up from the floor back to his level. Seán’s eyes are shut tight and he’s slightly shaking, Mark goes into panic mode immediately. “Seán, baby, look at me, please” he wraps an arm around his waist to keep him up, and cradles his face with his free hand. There’s a small smile on the Irishman’s lips as he slowly opens his eyes again, Mark frowns confused “are you ok?”

He nods, clearing his throat. “I’m fine, Mark” but his voice is low and raspy, he clears his throat again.

“wh-why were you shaking then?” Seán lifts a sticky hand and brings it under the still, now cold, running water, “you finished?” he asks shocked and Seán nods, smiling wider. Mark looks for any discomfort on his face but doesn’t find any, “you’re unbelievable” he smirks bringing the Irishman’s face closer, brushing their lips together.

“stop” the younger man whines, not wanting to kiss his lover after the occurrences.

“Oh, shut up” Mark grins, crashing their lips, tasting himself on Seán’s tongue.

They help each other finish their showers, quickly with the temperature of the water getting higher by the second.

By 9 AM they finally dress and are ready to start their day.

“Hey, Mark?”

“hmm?”

“it’s supposed to snow in a few days”

“cool" Mark waits, and nothing. "Is this a segue? are you actually trying to tell me something else?”

Seán laughs, fidgeting with his fingers, “I’ll be spending Christmas alone once you leave,” his face red because somehow this is more embarrassing that everything else they’ve done so far. “I talked to my mom earlier today, and told her yeh were here” Mark raises an eyebrow and Seán ducks his head, hiding as he speaks “she wants to meet yeh”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are those links I promised...  
> [Unidos Por Puerto Rico](http://unidosporpuertorico.com/en/)  
> [Fedding America](https://secure.feedingamerica.org/site/Donation2?df_id=24424&24424.donation=form1&s_src=W18XXSOCL&s_subsrc=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.feedingamerica.org%2Fhunger-blog%2FFeeding-America-Supporting-Hurricane-Irma-Victims.html%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial_fb%26utm_source%3Downed%26utm_term%3Daware%26utm_content%3Dcorporate_seneca%26utm_campaign%3Ddisaster_irma%3Freferrer%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F&_ga=2.108006338.1346165656.1506638453-1585096659.1506638453)  
> [Save The Children](https://secure.savethechildren.org/site/c.8rKLIXMGIpI4E/b.9535647/k.A2B9/Hurricane_Maria_Childrens_Relief_Fund/apps/ka/sd/donor.asp)  
> [List of Other Place where you can help](http://time.com/money/4957145/puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-help/)
> 
> AND if you don't feel like just giving out your money and not getting anything in return, the AMAZING JackSepticEye, Game Grumps and Markiplier are selling limited time merch where all proceeds will go to [Direct Relief](https://www.directrelief.org/), to help with the natural disasters going around the world (That includes the victims of the recent earthquake in Mexico).
> 
> [JackSepticEye Charity shirt](https://jacksepticeye.fanfiber.com/en/Product/Gold-Septiceye-Charity-T-Shirt)   
>  [Game Grumps Charity shirt](https://gamegrumps.fanfiber.com/en/Product/GameGrumps---Direct-Relief-Charity-Shirt)   
>  [Markiplier's Charity Merch](https://represent.com/markitee/official-markiplier-letterman-jacket-limited-edition)
> 
> sales for Jack's and the Grumps' shirts are over as of September 29th... Mark's merch is up until October 1st.  
> I already ordered my shirt from all three! :D


	29. I'll Be Watching You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every breath you take  
> Every move you make  
> Every bond you break  
> Every step you take  
> I'll be watching you"  
>  **~The Police - Every Breath You Take~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in a great mood guys. Chapter 30 is almost done and surprisingly Chapter 32, too... now chapter 31 is so far nonexistent.
> 
> I also wrote this [little diddle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12271254/chapters/27889677) about Toddler!Jack and I will shamelessly self-promote it because I really like it this AU I created and it's already all mostly written. 
> 
> BUT what you're here for...  
> Just when you thought everything was going well.  
> -cue evil laugh-

Seán was currently in his office, as usual, making sure his videos for the day were queued right, and checking some last minute emails. Today was the day he and Mark were going to visit his family.

“Seán, we’re about to leave!” he hears someone yell and jumps startled, looking back at the door expecting them to come for him and shrugging when no one does. He turns back to his monitor just in time to see another email pop in. 

He was used to getting emails from random addresses but something about this one makes him uneasy. He can’t see the email address at all and the sender name just says, “An Old Friend”.

He knows he should ignore it, it’s probably spam, but he also knows he has a tight filter and if it was spam it would have gone directly to his junk folder. No, this was deliberately sent to him.

He shouldn’t open it.

He hovers the mouse on top of it meaning to hit left click to delete.

He hits right click instead.

There are no words, only images and they take a few seconds to load, but when the first one appears his blood runs cold.

It’s a photo of himself, just outside his apartment building. To unsuspecting eyes, there’s nothing too revealing, but he knows exactly when it was taken.

There are about 10 photos in total. All of him in different scenarios.

In all of them, his hair is bright green, skin looking fresh and healthy, and there’s always a smile on his lips.

These were taken before the _incident_ , while he was dating Darrick.

“Hey” he jumps, the mouse flying to the corner of the page. Mark frowns from the door, having noticed the quick move, “are you ok? What was that? Why did you close the window?”

“Nothing,” he blurts out, nervously, “I-I’m fine, I just, I’m done” he lies, shutting down the computer. “I’m done” he repeats with a faux smile.

Mark stares back and forth from the computer to the Irishman, not convinced at all, but nods anyway. “Robin’s about to leave for the airport to take Dahlia,” he says, inviting Seán to leave the room.

Today was also the day Dahlia decided to head back to LA. They tried to convince her to stay a bit longer but she only came to make sure Seán was ok and now that Mark has that covered, there’s no real reason for her to stay for more.

He walks down the stairs to the purple haired woman and embraces her in a tight hug, “I’m gonna miss yeh so much” he murmurs into her hair before kissing it.

“Well,” Dahlia sniffles and everyone knows she’s crying already, “it’s not like you’re not gonna see me again, I mean, I still work for you”

“But I can’t hug yeh through the computer” he argues, squeezing one last time before releasing her. He looks down at her wet cheeks, “stop that now” he scolds, cleaning the tears away.

“I hate goodbyes, you know this” she laughs and takes a deep breath to calm her nerves.

“Thank you”, Seán says quietly, holding both her hands, and she holds his gaze for a good 30 seconds before averting to his lips. He grins proudly but doesn’t comment on it. “Thank yeh fer coming and bringing me Mark, and convincing me to get a tree, and just, thanks fer existing ‘Lia, ye're good person”

“I learned it from you,” she smiles broadly, taking her carry-ons off the floor, “take care of yourself, boss, I don’t want to make ‘grabbing a plane across the country’ a habit, ok?”

He nods, “I’ll try my best”

They say their goodbyes, and Robin and Dahlia leave the apartment soon after.

Now that they're alone again, Seán tries to avoid the conversation he knows is on the tip of Mark's tongue. He makes to move, to go back upstairs and finish gathering anything he might have forgotten, but Mark quickly grabs his wrist before he has a chance. He's about to complain, dismiss the hand and move on but when his eyes meet pleading brown eyes staring back at him, he sighs and moves in, letting Mark hold him protectively. 

Mark runs a hand through his green hair and Seán melts into his arms, resting his head on his shoulder. “I think I’m being stalked”, he says against Mark’s neck as casually as he can.

Not casually, enough. Mark pulls him back, and Seán can already see the turmoil in his eyes.

“I got an email with a bunch of pictures of myself,” he explains with a shrug. He shouldn’t be used to this, but people have made it all the way to his front door before. It's not right but, sadly, not unheard of in their field of work.

“That’s not right,” Mark agrees, with eyebrows furrowed, “could it be…”

“No”, Seán quickly answers, already knowing what Mark is thinking -he’d be lying if he said he didn’t think of it too- “he’d be violating the restraining order if he did, plus there’s no reason for him to be taking pictures of me while we were already going out”

Mark thinks this through for a second, “was he _in_ the pictures?”

Seán nods, “two or three… there were ten pictures in total”

“Maybe we should stay here”, Mark offers, running a hand through his dark hair.

“No”, the Irishman whines, “I already talked to my Ma, they’re expecting us”

“…Seán”

“I’m not spending Christmas alone, Mark!”

**⋀⋁**

“Could yeh please not look like someone kicked Chica the whole time we’re here”

Mark forces a smile on his lips, fixing a bag on his shoulder as they unpacked the car in front of Seán’s parent’s house.

Seán is not happy, and neither is Mark, but the Irishman knows it’s for different reasons. 

He feels awful, basically having had guilt tripped Mark into coming, even though it was true he didn’t want to spend the holidays by himself, there was no reason for him to had said it. 

In parts, Seán knew Mark was right, which, he had a feeling, is why Mark was upset. He shouldn’t be parading himself all over Ireland knowing there’s someone out there following him around, taking pictures, sending him messages to his personal account. It just wasn’t safe, and he knew it. Mark knew it.

“Is this our first fight or something?” He asks with a sigh, looking over to his old house, surprised his family hasn’t come out to greet them yet.

“We’re not fighting”, Mark answers closing the car’s door with a bit more force than necessary. His bad mood wasn’t directed at Seán, but more at the situation. He leans against the parallel car, away from the cabins, and offers Seán his hand, pulling him into a hug when he takes it. “I’m not angry at you. I’m, I’m not angry at all. I’m worried, yeah, but not angry”.

“I know” Seán mumbles, chin resting on Mark’s shoulder, keeping an eye out for anyone that might be watching them.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt again, Seán”

“I know” he repeats, solemnly.

“I love you”

Seán smiles then, “I knoooow” he leans in and places a quick kiss on his lips, “I love you too, Mark”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNRELATED   
> but did you know Keurigs are awesome, and Coffee Shop keurig cups are heaven. (Dunkin Donuts keurig cups are pretty amazing too)
> 
> ...I'm having coffee right now, btw. WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR, just like I like it =D


	30. From the Depths of my Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "From the depths of my soul  
> It's beyond my control  
> I've waited so long to say this to you  
> If you're asking do I love you this much  
> I do"  
>  **~98 Degrees - I Do (Cherish You)~**
> 
> I've been in my 90s feels lately and this song was playing just as I finish editing this chapter... don't pay too much attention to the video if you watch it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late again, yay!
> 
> I apologize for that. We went to Minefaire yesterday with the kids!! And Parker was there! (check my icon!) We had a quick conversation about Markiplier (I was wearing my Goggleplier shirt) and he made friends with my 5-year old. Super tall, super cool dude :) ANYWAY, I was meaning to post this after we got back home but I was super tired, and still had to tend to my mommy duties and all that jazz. So here it is today instead.
> 
> I'm afraid nothing big happens in this chapter, but have it anyway. Hope it doesn't disappoint that bad. :/

The reason why no one had come to greet them was that there was no one in the cabins.

Mark sat on the old couch in the middle of the room, Gizmo on his lap while Seán paced back and forth with the phone against his ear.

“My ma is still at work” he announces, plopping down next to Mark, “and my pa and brother”-- he grabs the dog and puts her on the floor-- “went out to grab supplies and wood” he finishes, resting his head on Mark’s lap.

“so, we have the place to ourselves?” he asks, running his fingers through Seán’s hair.

He hums, closing his eyes, enjoying the feeling, “for an hour or so”

Mark doesn’t say anything else, nor tries to do anything, just playing with the green hair, almost lulling the Irishman to sleep.

Almost.

“I’m sorry”

Mark frowns, his free hand resting on his stomach, inside of his shirt. “for what?”

“I know ye’re right and I’m just being stupid” his eyes are open now, but he’s not looking at Mark, instead he focuses on the dog by his side, petting her head absentmindedly. “I’m sorry I threw it in yer face and made yeh feel bad fer not wanting to come here”

Mark speaks in Korean, showing off what he has learned. His voice is low, and Seán doesn’t understand most of what he says but he enjoys the smooth, melodious, zig-zag of the words. He could listen to Mark speaking Korean forever.

“I don’t even care what yeh just said, but say it again”

Mark smiles, moving hair away from his eyes. “There’s no need to apologize, none of this is your fault, and I’m just worried something might happen to you again and I won’t be able to stop it”.

Seán looks at him with questioning eyes, “is that what yeh said?”

“no” Mark chuckles, playing with the hair on Seán’s stomach, “I said ‘you are the most important thing to me, my treasure’ and ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you’”

Seán grabs the front of Mark’s shirt and gently pulls him down, he raises up and meets him in the middle, connecting their lips together.

Mark responds, deepening the kiss and pulling Seán up to sit on his lap. They separate for a second as the Irishman straddles his waist, and they’re kissing again when he wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him in once more.

Mark chuckles when Seán bites on his lower lip, “your parents could walk through that door at any moment, love”

“I don’t care” he murmurs against his neck now, sucking lightly, wanting to leave his mark but knowing he couldn’t.

“hmmm, does it turn you on, baby?” Mark wonders with amusement, “knowing we could get caught like this?”

“no,” he giggles, pulling back and pokes at his chest playfully, “YOU turn me on”

“ _I_ turn you on?” Mark smirks, bringing his hands to Seán’s ass and pulling him closer to his body, “what exactly, though? Is it my well-defined jawline, or my captivating brown eyes? My magnificent hair? Or, my smooth baritone voice? My naturally muscular body, perhaps?”

Seán laughs, “it’s ye’re modesty, actually”

“What are you talking about, everything I just said it’s true and you know it”

“Yes, it is, but it’s more than that too” Seán plays with the hair on the back of his neck, and caresses his stubbled cheek “it’s not just how attractive yeh are, it’s that ye’re here, that yeh love me”

Mark smiles, turning to kiss the hand on his face, “I never knew how easy it could be to fall in love with someone as hard as I have fallen for you”, he speaks against his palm, kissing it again, “I guess, it’s always been there, but being here, having you in my arms, saying it out loud, and hearing you say it back, it just makes it so much more real”

Seán leans down into him, taking Mark’s lips between his, tilting his head as Mark asks for excess that he gladly grants. They explore each other’s mouths like it’s the first time, with soft hums and moving hands, slowly getting lost in the feelings, not hearing Gizmo’s happy barks and the soft click of the door opening and closing.

It’s not until they separate for breath that the woman lets herself known, clearing her throat loudly.

The two males on the couch jumped, startled, taking in the sight of Seán’s mother, still standing by the door with arms crossed in front of her chest and an amused look on her face. 

“Ma!” Seán jumps to her, not only happy to see her but relieved she’s not freaking out about what she might have just seen.

“Hi baby” the woman chuckles, embracing her youngest son, “oh I've missed yeh so much. How are yeh sweetheart?”

“I'm good, mum. I'm really good” he wraps his hands around her waist and buries his head on her shoulder, as tears fall from his eyes. He missed this, his mother’s embrace, her warmth, her smell. He needed it.

She lets him silently cry against her, shedding a few tears herself. “Let me look at yeh,” she finally says, gently rubbing his back. She cleans his face and laughs when he does the same to her, then she holds him at arm’s length with another ‘let me see yeh’. “Ye’ve lost some weight, yeh haven’t been forgetting to eat again, have yeh?”

He shakes his head, with a fond smile, “No mum, I'm eating”

She hums a sarcastic ‘uh-huh’, and Mark feels like he needs to defend his lover, making himself heard for the first time since she got there. “Don’t worry Mrs. McLoughlin I’ve been making sure he eats all his proper meals and rests well”.

“Is that right now” she directs her attention to him now, moving Seán to her side to better look at the man on her sofa, “and who might yeh be exactly?” there’s no threat behind her words, clearly by the smile on her lips.

“Ma this is Mark, yeh know my friend I was telling yeh about” Seán explains, embarrassed, looking down at his shoes as he motions to him.

Mark stands, offering a hand to shake, “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Mrs. McLoughlin”

“Oh, he’s a looker, ain't he?” she stage whispers to her son, taking the offered hand in hers, “Call me Aileen please”

Seán groans even more embarrassed now “Maaaaa, stop”

“Oh, shush yeh, yeh moved back to Ireland a few months after moving out and then come back and don’t have the decency to visit” she scolds and he rubs his arms, not able to look at her because he knows she’s right. “I know ye’ve been busy, baby, but yeh can come over every once in a while, maybe give yer old lady a call here and there” she turns to Mark, then “yeh know he didn’t tell me about this Darrick fellow until a few days ago”

Mark’s fist balled at the mention of the name, and Seán speaks quickly before he can.

“I'm sorry, Ma”, he gets between Mark and her, reaching behind his back to hold his hand, “I promise yeh I’m fine now”

“It doesn’t matter, Jackie. I’m yer mother and it’s me job to worry about yer health and security, it’s me right to want to know when something’s wrong with my baby”.

“I know, I'm sorry. Mark’s been taking really good care of me now, though” he squeezes the hand in his hold, and Mark nods because he’s been trying his hardest to do so.

“I saw!” The woman laughs, loud and resonating through the wall of the wood cabin. “Yeh know I don’t care what yeh do as long yer happy Jack, but if I were yeh I’d keep those wandering hands to yerself if yeh don’t want yer father to be finding out”

Seán squeezes the hand tighter, “Yeh haven’t told him?”

“Oh no sweetheart that’s fer yeh to do, not me” she pats his shoulder, walking past them and he swears there’s a grin on her lips as she does.

“Maaaaerk”

Mark lets him drop his head against his shoulder dramatically, “It’ll be fine” he encourages, rubbing circles on his back.

“But what if it’s not?”

“I’ll be here, and hey, I can tell him if you can’t”

Seán pulls back, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Mark…” He’s not going to put that on him, but for Mark to even offer, he’s eternally grateful “I.. would yeh do that fer me? Why?” 

Mark shrugs as if it was the most obvious thing, mainly because for him it was. “Because I love you and I want you to be happy”

Before Seán can say anything, the door behind them open, and his heart threatens to stop as he turns to face the new arrival. 

“Hi dad”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a 100% on the Korean... I dont turst Goggle Translate but it's all I have :/


	31. Colors and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Heart beats fast  
> Colors and promises  
> How to be brave  
> How can I love when I'm afraid to fall  
> But watching you stand alone  
> All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow"  
>  **~For A Thousand Years - Christina Perri~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all remember when I had a schedule... yeah, me neither.
> 
> ANYWAY
> 
> Mark should really stop making promises he can't keep...  
> Honestly, tho.. he's trying. He just wants everything to be alright.  
> Too bad saying "it'll be fine" doesn't magically make things "be fine". 
> 
> WARNING: a bit of homophobic language.

It was a scary sight. Terrifying actually.

The fact that Seán was a mirror imaged of his father, Tomas.

The energy, the stubbornness, the dirty Irish humor, the quite literally tooth-rotting love for sweets.

Mark shudder at the thought of there being two of them.

His brother, though, that was a whole other story.

Mark could feel him judging him from across the table, eyes boring into him like daggers.

“Simon!” Aileen called firmly at the older of her two sons, “Stop bothering our guest, will yeh?”

“why is he here?”

Seán turned, his attention leaving his father to focus on his brother. The subject hadn’t come up yet, Seán choosing to catch up with his family first and leaving the more serious conversation for a later time, but it seemed like Simon just had to know why his brother brought another man home for the holidays.

The youngest McLoughlin rolled his eyes. “Because he’s my best friend and I want him to be here, why are yeh here Simon?”

“I live here”

“That says more about yeh than it says about him, or me. What are yeh now, 38-39?”

Aileen clears her throat, a warning, “boys”

They ignore her, “where’s Signe? Why didn’t she come?”

“because we broke up like 4 months ago, why do yeh care?” Seán half yells, coming around the counter to stand daringly in front of his older brother

Simon holds his position, standing a few inches taller than him, with a smug look on his face, “I’m just wondering why yeh brought a man home”

“Because I fecking wanted to, what the fuck is yer problem?” Seán’s fist balled up on his sides, knuckles white with pressure

“You!” And that’s when his brother’s arms come up, pushing him hard on the chest as he screams “You and yer faggot ass boyfriend!”

Seán stumbles back, crashing into Mark’s chest. He looks back over his shoulder in shock, having not realized he had been right behind him from the moment he moved. He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes and, at the moment, wants nothing more than to turn and just let Mark wrap his arms around him securely but he knows that’s probably not the best idea right now.

The room is quiet for the most parts, aside from Simon’s angry mumbles, Mark wants to punch him right in the face.

“You have NO right…” Seán starts, hands balled up into fist again -he wants to punch him too- but Simon interrupts quickly

“no right to what?” he takes a step closer and Mark puts his hands to Seán’s forearms, bringing him a step back defensively. Simon laughs, “look at yeh two! Yeh thought no one would notice ye’re fucking each other? Please! Ye’re disgusting! Go ahead, tell Ma and Pa where yeh let this faggot put his dick in!”

Mark can’t help the smirk on his lips as he lets Seán’s arms go, immediately being rewarded with the sight of his fist connecting with Simon’s face. Maybe he shouldn’t find pleasure in it but let’s be honest if Seán hadn’t done it, he would have.

Aileen screams, bringing her hands up to cover her mouth, while Tomas grabs Seán by the shoulder, dragging him away from everyone.

Mark… Mark crosses his arms, still smirking, even as Aileen glares at him while she helps her son, a trickle of blood running down his face from his nose. “You deserve that” he announces, loud and clear for all to hear, before leaving to find Seán.

He’s in the living area, where they were just making out a few hours ago. He’s raking his hands through his hair, pulling, pacing back and forth in front of his father, trails of tears on his cheeks.

Mark doesn’t have to do or say anything because as soon as he sees him Seán is in his arms crying, trembling.

“Hey, it’s alright” he wraps his arms around the slim man, rubbing circles on his back, “I’m here with you, I’m here, we’ll fix this”

“it’s not fair” he sobs, gripping his shirt and Mark agrees.

It takes a moment for them to realize they’re alone again, and it’s only brought to their attention by more yelling from the kitchen. They can hear Simon screaming again, those same derogative words, and his mother tells him to shut up, he screams at her too.

Seán bolts, hearing the offenses to his mother, Mark right behind him. It’s one thing to insult him, another way different to insult their own mother, and the youngest McLoughlin would have been on him with another punch -or five- if it hadn’t been for his father’s own hand coming to back slap Simon hard on the face.

Silence falls on them again.

Tomas' voice is low with anger when he finally speaks, coarse and thick, demanding, “my office, now”. The brothers move, and soon Mark and Aileen are alone.

“Maybe I should leave” Mark suggests to himself, watching the entrance the other three men had left through, forgetting for a second the other person in the room.

“Maybe yeh should” the woman agrees, causing Mark to turn to her with a surprised look on his face, “I like yeh Mark, I really do, and I appreciate everything ye’ve done fer my baby, but I’m not going to let yeh being here disrupt me family”

“I honestly don’t think that’s been my doing, but I get it, I’ll leave” there’s hurt in his voice, but also anger. “I’ll take my bags to the car and wait to say goodbye to Seán there,” he tells her, walking past her and making his way to one of the ‘guest rooms’ where his bags were already in.

There’s more arguing going on in another room, Tomas’ office, and he can hear the pain in Seán’s voice even through the closed door as he explains himself to his father.

It’s not right.

No one should be scared to talk to their own parents, to be themselves.

Mark wants to go in there and take Seán away from all of it.

Fuck them all. They don’t deserve him.

But, he takes a deep breath and continues on his path. He puts on his peacoat jacket back on, and swings his bag over a shoulder, gripping the handle of his wheelie luggage.

“Mark?” he turns to find Seán standing by the door, eyes on the bags and back up to him, “whe.. what are yeh doing?”

He hates how low and croaked his voice sounds, how red and puffy his beautiful blue eyes are, the ghost of tears on his cheeks. He hates that he has seen his lover like this more than once before.

“I don’t want to keep bringing you trouble with your family,” Mark brings a hand up to cup the side of his face, closing the distance between them, “I think it’ll be best if I just stay at a hotel for now”

“what are yeh talking about, Mark? My Pa’s ok with it!” he holds onto the hand against his cheek, a smile full of relief painted on his lips.

Mark looks behind the green haired man making eye contact with the tired blue eyes of his father, his own smile making its way when he sees the older man nod in approval.

“I… that’s great” he whispers, getting incredibly closer, connecting their foreheads together, “that’s amazing, Seán, but… you’re mom… you’re brother…”

He turns, wide eyes towards his mother, “Ma? I thought… yeh said…”

“all I want is to keep my family happy” she confesses, eyes full of her own tears.

“The boy has nothing to do with our family problems, Aileen”. They all turned to the old man, surprised, and he shakes his head tired of everyone thinking he would be against his own son’s happiness. “Let Mark stay, I would love to know more about the man that saved my son’s life,” he says with a dismissive hand as he turns and heads back to his bedroom turned office, where Simon still is.

Mark stares, wanting to say a million things but not knowing where to start, lost in a mix of confusion and happiness. 

It doesn’t last long, and he’s quickly jolted back to reality when a pair of lips are pressed against his own and Seán, literally, jumps on him, wrapping his legs around his waist and laughing as they go down crashing, Mark somehow maneuvering the backpack off his back and turning them mid-air, stretching his arms out so he wouldn’t crush his lover, who thankfully, was secured enough against his body to not actually hit the floor at all.

“Don’t be too loud,” they hear from the door, and turn to face Aileen who was shaking her head, grinning, “ye’re still in yer parent’s house” she warns, closing the door and leaving the laughing men alone.

“That’s what makes it fun!” Seán yells, finally letting go of Mark and laying flat on the wood floor, they hear the woman groan and it makes them go into another fit of laughter.

Mark grins, once their laughter calms down again, and leans down, holding most of his body weight still in his arms as he buries his face in Seán’s neck, breathing in his scent, “I’m so happy I don’t really have to leave,” he presses a kiss on the pulse point there, “I don’t know what I’d do without you”.

“Yeah, me neither”

The words were dripping with sadness, but Mark chose to ignore it, for now, littering Seán neck with kisses instead. “We’ll be alright”

“Will we?”

He pulls back, staring at blue eyes with all the seriousness he could manage, then he bents and kisses his nose, making the younger giggle, “yes, we will, I will do everything in my power to see that is so”

“Ye’re full of shite, Mark” he jokes, wrapping his arms around his neck for a kiss, yelping when Mark pulls them up. He holds onto his hips as they share a light kiss between giggles, and then he’s bouncing him back up to his waist. “Yeh fecking arsehole!” he guffaws, holding tight to the strong body with all four limbs.

“You’re cute when you’re being all Irish” Mark laughs, squeezing his ass, walking them to the bed. He holds him under his arms, presumably helping him get down, then throwing him in the air once his legs were loose enough.

Seán’s boisterous laughter ringing through the wood walls as he lands with a bounce on the mattress. “Yeh cunt!”

“There’s the man I love” Mark grins, taking in the sight in front of him, pointing a scolding finger when Seán sits on the bed with a raised eyebrow. “I don’t want to see you crying anymore, alright? …Or else”

Seán rolls his eyes, grinning too “or else what?”

Mark shrugs, climbing on the bed, crawling slowly up his body, pushing his shirt up and kissing his stomach as he does. He kisses his jaw, a trail to his ear and takes the lobe between his lip, pulling slightly, “or else…” he feels Seán’s shuttered, and bucks his hips just to hear him moan underneath, “or else I’ll fuck you up, real good”

“is that a thread or a promise?”

Mark bucks his hips again, harder, “let’s find out”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could have these two just fuck like horny rabbits... like fuck it out guys, it's fine...  
> I mean. I COULD. But plot and crap and shit.


	32. Can't Hold Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell you that I love you, that I can't hold back  
> The feeling that you give me, wanna give it right back  
> I know you always win at this particular game  
> I need to know the rules if you want me to play"  
>  **~Tegan and Sara - Boyfriend~**

The warm pressure on top of his chest and light stirring is what wakes him up. He leans down with still closed eyes to place a kiss on the head he knows lays on his good shoulder -the other shoulder still stinging with the memories of the night before, along with some scratches on his back-.

It had been something different for the both of them, something they both needed.

Rough, but soft. Swallowing down moans of pleasure with kisses as he rammed into his lover with precision. The thrill of possibly being caught driving them to orgasms, the bite on his shoulder to muffle the screams that came with it.

The aches he felt now were nothing compare to the ecstasy of their night, and he would willingly take them over and over again.

“How are yeh feeling?”

Mark opens his eyes and chuckles, “how am _I_ feeling? Are you seriously worrying about me after what I did to _you_?!”

“All yeh did,” Seán begins, swinging a leg over his body, straddling his waist, he hisses as a shock of pain travels up his spine and he has to look for purchase on Mark’s chest, “was make me feel really good” he giggles, breathless, letting himself fall on top of his lover.

“shit! Seán, you’re hurt!” Mark holds onto his hips as he sits them up, checking the Irishman for visible injuries. He finds a few bruises and curses himself.

“I’m weak, Mark, not hurt” Seán chuckles, bating his hands away, “I'm exhausted, completely out of energy, that’s all. Give me a couple of minutes to wake up properly and we can go again, swear”

“…Seán”

Don’t you ‘Seán’ me, mister. Yeh can’t tell me that didn’t feel good, fucking all that pent up anger away, _releasing_ the tension”

Mark groans, rolling his eyes, his mood lifting as he takes in the grin on Seán’s lips, cupping his face and caressing his cheek “I shouldn’t have been so rough with you”

Seán leans into the touch with a sigh “I'm not made out of glass, _a mhuirnín_ , I can take it, promise”.

“ok” Mark pecks his lips, “I believe you, but you have to promise to always tell me if it gets to be too much, alright?”

Seán lifts a hand, cupping Mark’s cheek as well, he nods and leans to take Mark’s lips in his again, whispering against them “save words are ‘pineapples on pizza’”

Mark groans, pulling away with a faux-disgusted look, “yeah, that’ll definitely make me stop” Seán giggles, throwing his head back slightly which Mark takes as an open invitation to nibble at this throat, “you’re the worse”

Seán hums, raking long fingers through dark hair, “yeh don’t know what’s good fer yeh, clearly”

“clearly”, Mark repeats, scrapping his teeth on the side of his Addam’s apple, pulling a whimper from the younger man, he smirks satisfied with the results, licking at the spot.

Their lips are about to connect, hunger growing in their eyes again, when a knock on the door comes and Seán groans loudly, annoyed. “It’s open” he calls, grinning at the expression on Mark’s face, “what? No one came in”

“But they could have!” Mark stage-whispered, face red with embarrassment as the possibility of actually being caught the night before had just increased greatly.

Seán rolls his eyes, a mischievous smile on his lips as he focused on the new addition to the room, “what do yeh want, Simon?”

“Ma says breakfast’s ready,” he informs, focusing on the floor space between the door and the bed.

“Yeah, great thanks” Seán answers dismissively, hoping his brother gets the message and leaves. He doesn’t. “I’m sorry, do yeh need anything else? ‘cause if yeh do, I don’t care, get the hell out”

Simon heaves a -rather loud- sigh, closing the door behind him and finally looking up at the two men still tangled around each other on the bed, “I’m sorry, alright… I just, fuck, I’m sorry”

Mark and Seán look at each other, before turning back to him, stunned, “excuse me?”

“ye’re my little brother, Seán” he scratches the little hair left on his head, “I love yeh, and I have nothing against either of yeh, it’s what ye’re doing, it’s not right”

Seán raises an eyebrow, still very much confused, “and why is it not?”

“Ye’re both men!” Simon throws his arms in the air, frustrated, “don’t yeh want a family? Don’t yeh want to be happy?”

“ _Oh_ ” well that explains why he was directing his insults at Mark and not him. 

Did he want a family? Yes, not now, but eventually yes. Did Mark? 

Seán couldn’t give him that.

He looks at the warm brown hues of Mark’s eyes, searching for answers to unsaid questions. If what they had, whatever it was, worked -were they willing to put the chance to have children of their own aside? Was Mark? Would he do that for him?

Mark startles him when he speaks, “who says we can’t do both?”

“Mark, I can’t…”

And Mark laughs, “well, I know **that** , but there are other ways, babe” he pushes the stubborn green hair away from blue eyes again, leaning in to press their foreheads together, “besides, I haven’t I even asked you to be like, my boyfriend, properly yet”

“right, no hurries” Seán nods, turning to his brother, “besides, that’s something Mark and I should worry about, not yeh, or anyone else. And for the record,” he turns back to Mark, gripping his face with one hand, squeezing his cheeks until Mark’s lips looked like fish lips, “just look at this face,” he moves him to face Simon, “isn’t he handsome?”, Simon groans, shaking his head and Mark flips him off, mumbling a ‘fuck you’ through gritted teeth, Seán laughs, kissing his cheeks as he let’s go of them, and then the forehead for good measure, “I’ve never been happier, Simon… I’m happy here, in his arms”

Mark wraps his arms around his waist, to drive the point across, pulling him closer and kissing him.

Simon groans, louder, “yeh two are disgusting” but there’s no bite to it this time.

He turns to leave when Seán calls him, “I love yeh too, Si… apology accepted. **I’m** not sorry for punching yeh, though”

“Understandable, I deserved it” he grips the doorknob, “it’ll take some time to get used to it, but if yeh say ye’re happy, I believe yeh”

“thanks”

Once they’re alone again, Seán lets out a long shaky breath, burring his face in the crook of Mark’s neck, baby thoughts running through his mind. _Another fucking thing to worry about, now_.

“So,” Mark rubs his naked back, comfortingly “you never answered my question”

Seán hums turning to look at his red face, trying to think back on any question he could have missed, wondering what could be making Mark so flushed.

“Seán William McLoughlin, will you be my boyfriend?”

Seán pulls back, staring wide eyes and Mark freaks.

“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I know this is all so fast, but like, I love you, and I mean we fucked already, and I know that doesn’t automatically makes us a thing or anything like that but it was pretty special, at least to me it was, and I want to like tell people, and show you off and…”

“holy fuck Mark, shut up” Seán laughs, covering his mouth with both hands, Mark nods eagerly, and Seán raises an eyebrow at him, he nods again slowly this time and Seán finally removes his hands.

“sorry”

The Irishman grins, “so yeh wanna show me off, huh?”

“I want to tell the world I’m yours”

He’s a bit taken aback by that, ‘I’m _yours_ ’ not ‘you’re mine’. He adores this man. “I would really like that”

Mark smiles, “yeah?”

“Yeah” he wraps his arms around his neck, a smile much like Mark’s on his lips, “Mark Edward Fischbach, I would love to be yer boyfriend”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION  
> ...keep in mind this fic will have a happy ending regardless of what happens in between...  
> BUT, what if this fic takes a sharp turn no one was expecting???  
> What if 'unrequited' doesn't refer to Mark and Jack's relationship???  
> Would you still read??? How much would you hate me if I hurt _someone_ **again**?  
>   
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://taterztots.tumblr.com)


	33. Bask in the Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Cause I got issues  
> But you got 'em too  
> So give 'em all to me  
> And I'll give mine to you  
> Bask in the glory  
> Of all our problems  
> 'Cause we got the kind of love  
> It takes to solve 'em
> 
> Yeah, I got issues  
> And one of them is how bad I need you"  
>  **~Julia Michaels - Issues~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -cousin Kyle's voice-  
> "I'M BAAAACK"
> 
> Hey, guys. I is here once again! ... watching security cameras and getting the shit scared out of me.
> 
> I wonder if Anti cares I have a wedding to attend to tomorrow. probably not.
> 
> Anyway. I'm rambling. it's 11pm. Im cold, Im tired, Im scared and fascinated.
> 
> Here's a new chapter. Enjoy.

Darkness envelopes him, wrapping around him like a warm cozy blanket on a cold winter night.

Except, it’s not comforting at all.

It weighs him down, it suffocates him.

His heart beats fast, his lungs scream for air.

His legs feel too heavy, but he wills them to move.

He wills them to move like his life depends on it.

Because it does.

He needs to breathe.

Why can’t he breathe?

He claws at his throat, tears streaming down his face.

Why can’t he fucking breathe, damn it?!

And he shakes.

 

“Mark!”

 

A blood curling scream rips from his chest and he sits up, clutching his heart.

Seán sits next to him in bed, talking to him, tears running down his own, beautiful blue, eyes.

Mark can’t hear him, his heart too loud in his head.

“I-I”, he hiccups and sobs, “I need some air”

He kicks the sheets and runs.

He runs out the room, past Seán’s parents, and out the cabin.

He runs across the big empty field.

Tears still in his eyes. Fogging his vision.

And then there’s a strong force pulling him back, iron grip on his arm.

“MARK, STOP!” and he sobs, terrified, “please stop”.

Mark shoves the hand off, his skin hot to the touch despite the freezing weather.

He takes a few more steps, creating more distance between them, before digging his hand into his hair and dropping to his knees, screaming.

Seán lets him, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and sitting on the floor next to him, quietly sobbing himself.

They stay like that for a few minutes, their only movements being the jerks from Mark’s uncontrollable sobbing and the shivers running down their spines.

The sobs calm enough and Mark takes a deep breath, leaning his head back to stare at the star-filled sky. He fixes his legs, tugging them underneath him, and leans closer to his Irishman.

As if on reflex Seán wraps his arms around his waist, pressing closer to his chest. 

He’s so cold.

“you can’t really see the stars in LA”, he says quietly, casually making conversation as if nothing had happened, “there’s too many building, too much smug, you have to go to the desert to see the stars like this” he takes a stuttered breath, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “I’m gonna miss it here”.

Sean holds him a bit tighter, “Ireland will miss yeh too”. _**I** will miss you_ , he doesn’t say it but its there. They both know its there.

Mark runs his fingers across the arm around his waist, small sobs and hiccups still there. “I’m sorry I panicked and ran…”

“Mark, yeh don…”

“no, please let me finish” he quickly adds before Seán can interrupt him any further. He takes a deep breath and continues once he feels him nod.

“I haven’t had a nightmare that bad for a while, and when I do, Chica’s usually there to help me through it. Not seeing her there, and then you, you looked so scared… I-I panicked”, he shrugs, finally wrapping his arms around the slim man, hugging him back, seeking warmth. He kisses the green hair before talking again, “You have enough, there’s no reason for you to have to deal with my bullshit, too”.

Seán looks up and waits, when he’s sure he won’t interrupt his boyfriend again he stretches and kisses his lips. “It’s ok to feel bad, Mark, ye're allowed to get angry or sad, or whatever ye’re feeling, ye're allowed to have feelings”

Mark scoffs, “it’s stupid”

“it’s not” Seán counters, “yeh had a nightmare, a bad one, it’s not stupid” when Mark doesn’t argue it, he dares ask “yeh wanna talk about it?”

“maybe later” he shudders, “let’s go back inside, I’m freezing my balls off”

Seán helps him up, cracking a joke to lighten the mood and Mark laughs, but there’s absolutely no humor behind it. 

They walk back to the house hand in hand, Mark slightly trailing behind. 

They still have a few yards left to the cabin’s door when Mark stops again, tightening his grip on his boyfriend’s hand. Seán turns, worried look on his face until he sees the tiniest of smiles on Mark's lips.

“it’s snowing”

Seán looks up, giggling when a snowflake lands on his nose, “looks like ye’ll have yer white Christmas in Ireland after all”

Mark dances on his feet a bit, pulling Seán closer to him, and the Irishman instantly wraps his arms around his body once more. “Ye’re gonna get sick”, he warns but doesn’t make to move further.

“just a minute more”, he steps on Seán’s socked feet, and Seán doesn’t complain.

Seán had been cold before they got even got in bed, he had socks and a long sleeve shirt on, Mark on the other hand only had his pajama pants and the blanket Seán was smart enough to grab before running after him. So he hugs him tighter, burying his face in his neck.

The snowflakes seem to gain speed, and in no time, there’s a thin white layer covering the ground.

He can hear Mark take a deep calming breath, the shuddering breathing and sobs almost completely gone. 

Seán pulls back, surprised to find quietness in the brown eyes staring back at him, the continuous touch of coldness seeming to dissipate the fury that once was there.

He laughs, a rush of relief coursing through his entire being, and he runs his hands in the flurry covered raven hair.

Mark takes another breath and connects their foreheads together. “I’m scared, Seán”

And Seán pulls back again, frowning, “why?”

“I don’t know, I know I shouldn’t, I told you it’s stupid” he brings Seán closer, reconnecting their foreheads, “I just… I'm scared for you, and for me, I’m scared of what might happen once I leave, I’m scared my family will hate me once I tell them about this, I’m scared of our fanbase, of the backlash that’s sure to come, I'm scared for Amy, I’m scared that…”

“Mark, breath please”

He nods, doing so, taking his time to speak his mind this time, “I-I’m scared we won’t be the same after this, that you’ll realize you don’t need my anxiety, my stupid A.D.D., or all my bullshit health problems, and then we won’t even be friends anymore”

“are yeh done?” Mark nods again, confused, “good, ‘cause yeh sound ridiculous”

“I…”

Seán leans in, taking trembling lips between his own, successfully shutting down any excuse the American was about to make. “ **I** don’t wanna hear it”, he whispers against his lips, not daring to separate, “I **love** you, Mark. You. All of it. Do yeh understand me?” he kisses him again, “So, what if there are a couple things wrong with yeh, news flash yeh doof, I’m not entirely _right_ either”. 

He takes a deep breath, separating to shake his hair, trying to get rid of the snow that had accumulated there. They’ve been out in the cold for a good 15-20 minutes, and he remembers Mark is still half naked. “Let’s go back inside before yeh lose a toe or something”, and Mark goes eagerly this time.

“Yeh know,” Seán speaks once more, thoughtfully “yeh don’t have to deal with yer issues by yerself, love. Just like I don’t have to deal with mine alone either.” He turns, his hand on the doorknob as they finally reach the cabin, “let me take some of that weight off yer shoulders, I’ll assure yeh together we can solve them all, ok?”

“ok”

“ok!” he grins, “now, can we cuddle in front of the fireplace? I feel like ye’re gonna turn into a fucking icicle at any moment now”

“Yes, please”

The fire has been crackling for a few minutes now, just waiting for them.

Aileen receives them with two big mugs of piping hot chocolate and they gladly accept the new warmth on their freezing fingers.

Tomas brings a new blanket for Mark, removing the one Seán had draped over him before, and they sit on pillows on the floor just inches away from the flames.

Mark apologizes profusely but the old Irish couple dismisses him with a wave of their hands like they hadn’t just been woken up by his screams at 3 in the morning.

Aileen kisses his forehead right after she kisses Seán’s, and Tomas ruffles their hair playfully. They wish them a good night before retrieving back to their bedroom.

Mark’s still not ok, but Seán’s words keep repeating in his head and he’s trying his darnnest to believe them.

They will be ok, not now, but eventually. 

He will be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify any doubts before we get them; Mark was drowning. Both in his nightmare, and figuratively once he woke up.
> 
> I chose drowning because one, Mark hates the ocean. And two, sometimes it feels like that when there are just too many things going around in your head.
> 
> I just wanted, as bad as it makes me sound, to scare the hell out of him. You know, enough to run outside half naked in 20°F weather.


	34. Got Nowhere To Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We ain't got nowhere to go  
> Caught up in the afterglow  
> Oh, just take it easy  
> Hold onto this feeling  
> No, we don't need a reason  
> 'Cause we ain't got nowhere to go  
> Caught up in the afterglow"  
>  **~All Time Low - Afterglow~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 34 was supposed to be posted on the 25th, that was the plan anyway... then I realized how crap it was and rewrote the whole thing!!
> 
> Anyway, here's the new and improved(?) chapter 34 instead!
> 
> Enjoy?

Seán had long gone to sleep, the events of the night finally getting a hold of him. 

He tried very hard to keep Mark company. Tried.

He sang beautiful Gaelic lullabies, and ran his hand up and down his torso, paying close attention to the scars there. He peppered him with kisses and praises. 

Mark appreciated it, but exhaustion got to the Irishman first, and when he closed his eyes Mark didn’t join him. He _did_ close his eyes and rested, but sleep never came, his mind too busy feeding him insecurities. And when 7 AM came, and the front door of the cabin opened, Mark couldn’t pretend to sleep any longer.

“Shouldn’t yeh be asleep?”

Mark sighed, defeated, “could be asking you the same thing, Simon,” he said low enough to not wake his boyfriend but loud enough for the older Irishman to hear him. “What are you doing up so early?”

“I asked first”

Mark shrugs, “I can’t sleep”, he reached behind him for a pillow, just a tiny bit out of reach, “hand me that, please?”

“Get it yerself”

Mark glares, “I wouldn’t be asking you if I could, now would I?”

Simon rolls his eyes but complies anyway. Mark mumbles a ‘thanks’ and maneuvers Seán’s sleeping body onto the pillow and off of him.

Simon watches him move his brother with the utmost tenderness, moving the blanket higher up his body, and kissing his head when he stirs. Mark whispers something to his ear, and Simon can make out a small smile on Seán’s lips as he does.

“I’m making coffee, do yeh want some?”, the older man asks walking past Mark, not waiting for an answer.

And Mark follows him, confused, “yeah… Thanks?”. He sits on the same chair from a few days before, where this same man making him coffee today had insulted his sexuality. He had never met Simon before that day, and since being here he has only had one full conversation with him if you could even call it that.

“spit it out already”

Mark scoffs, “Why are you being nice?”

“I saw yer little episode, earlier” he turns to Mark and Mark expects him to mock him, he expects a smug arrogant look on his face, but he finds concern in Simon’s eyes instead; even if his words don’t portrait it. “Ye’re lucky, our nearest neighbor is several yards away, or they’d probably call the police with all the yelling yeh were doing”

“Do you have a point to make?”

He shrugs, turning back to the coffee maker, watching the dark stream of liquid fill the pot. Mark fidgets on his seat, watching, waiting. 

Simon was usually quiet, Mark had learned, but when something bothered him –really bothered him– he had no filter, and Mark wasn’t sure he could handle keeping calm if things turned south.

“Ye’re leaving tomorrow?”

Yes, he was, and he hated it. The thought along tugging at his heartstrings, the panic of the hours before coming back to him. The reason he snapped, the reason he ran. He didn’t want to leave.

A thud and a jingle bringing his attention back to the man in front of him. He looked wide eye at the keys now on the table, then up at the Irishman, and back down at the table.

“I’m gonna be honest with yeh, Mark; I’m not a huge fan of yers, but my little brother seems to be fer some reason” he chuckles to himself, filling cups of coffee up to the brim, “I’m going with Pa and Ma to the city to get some last-minute things for tonight’s dinner. Those are my cabin’s keys, yeh can take yer bags there when sleeping beauty wakes up if yeh want”.

Mark stares at the older man, understanding the implications. He opens his mouth and closes it again not being able to even think of the right words to thank him.

_“…Mark?”_

“we’re in the kitchen” Simon answers before Mark can, the half-Asian still at a loss for words.

A sleepy Seán comes in then, dragging his feet and rubbing his eyes, he purses his lips and frowns once having a quick look between the two older than him, “what’s going on ‘ere?”

“Simon’s letting us stay at his place today?” Mark finally questions, still not a 100% sure.

The man in question hums his approval, sliding two cups of coffee their way.

“really? Why?”

Of course, they don’t trust him, why should they? He insulted them, degraded them, all for his own selfish agenda. But, his little brother was happy. Who was he to complain? Who was he to try and take that from him? Who was he to get between them?

His little brother was happy, and that was all that mattered.

“Listen, I know I’ve been a horrible brother, and I know today is the last day yeh two have together before muscles here leaves,” he heaves a sigh, scratching at his retrieving hairline, the corner of his lips twitch in a hesitant smile, “take this as an apology for my behavior, an early Christmas present”.

Aileen and Tomas joined them then before Seán or Mark could formulate a proper thank you, bombarding the latter with questions and worry looks.

Mark does his best to put their concerns to rest. ‘I’m fine’ he tells them but he’s sure no one believes him. To be honest, they shouldn’t, because he’s lying through his teeth. 

He won't be fine until he’s alone with Seán, now that he has that option.

Breakfast is uneventful, the family chatters and they try to include him as much, just like they have been doing for the past week he’s been in their house. The mood is not as tense as it had been before, and he’s grateful for that, even if took this long for it the lighten up.

When finished, he stands and immediately makes his way to the sink. He turns the water on, shuddering involuntarily when he runs his hand under the water to test it. “Stop that,” the mother of five scolds him, having seen his body shake, “yeh leave that to someone else now, go stand under the shower for a little bit, warm those bones up, ye’re clearly still cold”

He wants to argue her, and he does, but the woman shoos him off, pushing him out the kitchen threshold. He rolls his eyes and she smacks his shoulder, which just makes him chuckle, “alright, alright, I’m going, geez”. He catches a quick glance at a grinning green-haired man and remembers something he had to do. “oh, Aileen, could you, eh, could you help me with something really quick?”

“of course,” she smiles, turning to a frowning Seán, “help Simon clear the counter and do the dishes” she orders, and he does as he's told, still frowning with confusion. Aileen follows Mark out deeper into the house, away from wondering ears. “What do yeh need, sweetheart?” she asks sweetly, the pushy demanding tone from a few seconds before gone now.

“I have a huge favor to ask,” he starts, cheeks red in embarrassment, “I got Seán a made-to-order gift when I first arrived, and they just called me yesterday to tell me it was done”

She smiled knowingly, “I see, well yeh just tell me where I need to go, and I’ll take care of it fer yeh”. He mumbles a thank you and she pats his arm, “don’t yeh worry about a thing, love, just enjoy yer time alone, alright”

He blushes madly, and nods, she cackles and pats his arm one last time before leaving him again.

“what did Mark need?” is the first thing Seán asks his mother as soon as she makes it back to her family

“none of yer business”

“c’mon Ma, he’s my boyfriend!” he pouts, slightly blushing at the use of the title.

She grins but doesn’t say anything else. Seán wallows, unwillingly going back to the dishes in front of him.

**∧∨**

When Mark comes out of the shower, he discovers the house is quieter than he was already used to. The McLoughlin’s were gone… well, most of them.

He wraps his arms around a slim waist, resting his chin on sharp shoulders after pecking his cheek. “I missed you in the shower, it’s been a while since I held you under the running water”

Seán smiles, leaning back into the warm body pressed against his back, “yeh just want to see me naked” he whispers, turning to look at him, their lips inches from each other.

“So, what if I do”. Mark licks his lips and bites them, trying to hold himself back for some stupid reason. He moves his arms, so instead of hugging his hands are now gripping the well-defined hips of the Irishman, “can you blame me? Your body is amazing”.

“I like it when you say things like that—" he straighten himself and separates their bodies, only to turn and wrap his own arms around the American’s neck, pressing them together more than they were before, “—makes me feel… sexy and, wanted”.

Mark tilts his head, curiously, watching him, studying him. Seán looks at him, a red tint on his cheeks before he’s focusing on his collarbone instead. Mark frowns, there’s no way he can think he’s not sexy. There’s no fucking way. Has he ever seen himself? Does he own a fucking mirror?

Mark squeezes his hips, before bringing a hand up. With a finger under his chin, he pushes his face up, making those blue eyes look up at his again, and when he does Mark leans in, fitting his lips perfectly on his pink ones. 

Seán huffs, surprised by the sudden movement but he quickly melts into it, tangling his hands in his hair, pulling him closer.

Mark asks for entrance into his mouth, and he lets him, no fighting for dominance because he understands what Mark is doing, and he moans into the kiss.

Mark wants him, Mark thinks he’s sexy, Mark loves him.

He removes his hands from his hair and moves to grip at the front of his shirt. He pulls him with him, not daring to break the kiss, as he walks backwards to the bed, and Mark slowly lowers him down when the back of his knees make contact with the edge of it.

They lay there, stealing the breath from each other for a few minutes, before Mark parts, panting. He grins, tucking strands of green away from Seán’s face. “Why don’t we take this someplace else?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted at 11:11 pm, ain't that something... not that it's important, just thought I'd share :)


	35. The Time For Being Sad Is Over*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was drunk and it didn't mean a thing  
> Stop thinking about  
> The bullets from my mouth  
>  _I love the things you hate about yourself_  
>  Just finish the daydream  
> Who were you tryna be?
> 
> Then the time for being sad is over  
> And you miss 'em like you miss no other  
> And being blue is better than being over it (over it)  
> No one wants you when you have no heart and  
> I'm sitting pretty in my brand new scars and  
> You'll never know if you don't ever try again  
> So let's try  
> Let's try  
> Let's try"  
>  **~Panic! At The Disco - Hallelujah~**
> 
>  
> 
> ...the song kinda work for both _Mark_ and  Jack so :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, I'm sorry this took so long, again! I keep telling you guys I'm gonna do better and then I don't. I'm sorry.
> 
> But we're here now!
> 
> So... couple warnings here.  
> SMUT. Lots of it.
> 
> A little bit of angst.  
> but then smut, and then more angst. :)
> 
> The list includes...  
> rimming, anilingus, fingering, anal (duh) and unprotected sex.
> 
> but also, aftercare. and crying. 
> 
> This turned out way longer than I anticipated, and it's not even done yet! I have a lot planned for these two and 2,840 word wasn't enough, apparently!
> 
> So, I guess take this mess as my formal apology for the wait, and I hope you like it?

It had been a long time since he had been in that cabin, **his** cabin.

Seán looked around, awestruck. Everything looked so different now than from how he used to have them. It was to be expected, he hadn’t lived there in years.

No, it wasn’t _his_ cabin anymore, sadly, and Simon had done more than just move a few things around. Two more rooms had been added to the structured, making it a three bedroom cabin now, and what had been his bedroom/recording room had turned into Simon’s work office.

He let a bittersweet smile settled on his lips as he traced the last bit of his presence in that room. Residue from the soundproofing foam still, to this day, on the wall.

“This is where it all started”, Seán voice is low, but he knows Mark heard him, and that that was all the invitation needed to get closer to his boyfriend.

Mark wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder, just like before, he really enjoyed holding him like this even if the Irishman was barely only an inch shorter than him. “I wish I knew you back then”. Mark admits, trying to imagine what their life would be like if they knew each other before.

“I was so different back then; 2012 me was quiet, and shy, not at all like I am today”

“Oh, I _really_ wish I knew you back then”

“what are yeh trying to say?!” Seán asks turning his head to look at him, bewildered. Mark simply shrugs, a playful smirk on his lips, and he squeezes his midsection reassuringly. Seán lifts his hand and smacks him in the head, “yeh shut yer mouth, alright. Yeh know yeh love me, loud mouth and all.”

Mark laughs, turning him in his arms so they’re face to face now, “I do love you, you goof, I love you and every single sound you make, especially—" he leans down to his neck and nibbles at it, making Seán gasp in surprise, “—the ones **I** get out of you”. 

He kisses the spot he bit then, open mouth and wet, letting his tongue rest on the pale skin for a second before slowly moving it up to his ear. Seán shudders visibly, moving to give his boyfriend better access to his skin, a shaky breath leaving him.

“God, Seán, you smell and taste so good”

The hot breath, the low voice, and the abuse to his neck and earlobe make Seán weak on the knees and a moan escapes his lips as he sinks against the broad chest in front of him.

Mark grabs his ass firmly with both hands and pulls him up, pinning him against the wall with a few steps forward. Seán instantly wraps his legs around Mark's waist for security, head lulled back and to the side for him, heavy breath and moans on his throat.

“fuck, Seán, those sounds. You drive me crazy, you know that? I don’t know what I’ll do without you when I leave” And then suddenly the kisses stop, as realization hits. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you”.

“...Mark?” the American steps back, letting Seán unwrap his legs and get back on the floor, standing on his own, and he says something about ruining the mood. “No, yeh didn’t ruin anything, Mark, babe look at me” he places a hand on his cheek, moving his face so he would look at him, “look at me, _mo ghrá_. Yeh see me? I’m here. **You’re** here.”

“But tomorrow…”

“I know, _a mhuirnín_ , I know what will happen tomorrow, but ye’re still here today” he takes a deep breath and locks eyes with Mark, he gives him a chaste kiss on the lips, moving up to also kisses his nose and with a smile he connects their foreheads together. “We’re together now and that’s all the matters. Yeh have me, Mark. I’m all yers, sweetheart”.

Mark closes his eyes and slowly nods, “you’re here, I’m here” he reassures himself. His arms, limply on each side of his body, find their way back up to their original place, his hands comfortingly on his hips. “I’m here now”.

He feels the warm breath of a laugh on his own lips, but it doesn’t belong to him. He feels the pressure of another pair of lips on his, molding perfectly to them, and those, those he knows are his. “Ye’re here now” Seán confirms against them.

They kiss again, not with the hunger of before, but with the same love always present. Mark parts first, a bit out of breath but he still laughs. He wants to tell him how perfect he is, how strong he has been. After everything that has happened to him, after everything life has thrown his way, Seán still has the decency to stand here and be sweet and caring to his silly worries. To pay him any mind as if it matters, as if he doesn't already have enough troubles.

He settled for a simple “I love you”, sweet and to the point. Plus, it made the Irishman blush and giggle.

“I love yeh more, darling” he pushed some hairs away from his face and kissed his nose, “C’mon, yeh doof, let me give yeh a tour of the rest of the house”

There were only two more rooms and the bathroom to see but Seán made the tour interesting by making jokes and telling stories of when he used to live there. To be honest, Mark wasn’t really paying attention, he was more focused on the way his blue eyes shined and crinkled in the corners when he smiled or laughed, or the way his hands moved as he talked, the way his hips moved when he walked.

Then, they were in the last room, the room they were staying in. Seán was telling him something and by the way Mark was looking at his lips move you would’ve thought he knew what that was but, truth be told, he had no clue. Seán knew he had no clue, he knew he hadn’t been paying attention since their lips parted back in the office. “what are yeh even staring at?” he laughs, shaking his head.

“You” 

He scoffs, “why?” 

“you’re beautiful”

And Seán rolls his eyes, “am I now? I got grey hairs, crooked teeth, I’m loud, hairy as fuck, and fat. What exactly is so beautiful about all that?”

Mark is genuinely taken aback by this, wide eyes full of disbelief and confusion, “you can’t possibly think that?” and he remembers a conversation they had earlier that day –Seán really does think he’s unattractive. Mark takes a step closer, changing his mind about his previous decision, now more than ever wanting to tell him and show him just exactly how perfect he truly is. He puts a hand on his hip and the other on the nook of his neck and kisses him softly

Sean hums and smiles when they part, forehead against forehead, “what was that for?”

Mark kisses him again, with a bit more force but still surprisingly soft, “you have no idea how truly perfect you really are”. He says every other word between chaste kisses that leave the Irishman giggling.

“Ye’re such a goof” he says, his tone playful with a bit of laughter still on them, but he can’t seem to look at Mark in the eyes anymore and he knows he still doesn’t believe.

Mark moves then, determined for him to know, slowly pressing kisses to his lips, jaw and down his neck while the hand on his neck moves down to work the inside of his shirt, one hand on his back and the other on his stomach, exploring, taking in every beautiful sound the Irishman made. “You sound amazing” his voice low against his ear, “let me hear you, baby, please,” he asks, attacking his neck with open mouth kisses while rubbing a nipple, and Seán groans deep in his throat. 

Mark smirks, gracing his teeth on his shoulder “C’mon now, I know you can be louder than that” he tweaks the nipple, taking it between his forefinger and thumb, rubbing it, Seán moans loud, arching his back “there you go”, Mark chuckles, moving back to his mouth, giving a quick sloppy kiss before pulling the shirt over his head. He takes a small step back, raking hooded eyes all over the pale body. Seán’s panting a bit and Mark pays close attention to the way his chest moves with each breath before focusing on his face.

Seán’s still not looking at him, face turn to the side, flushed and sweaty. Mark shakes his head, to himself mostly, before grabbing his hips, watching the contrast of his tan skin against the pink of Seán’s as he moves them up his sides, “you’re so fucking beautiful, why can’t you see that?” he whispers, making Seán shudder in his grasp.

He runs his hands up his chest, feeling the surprisingly soft hairs against his palms.

Mark holds the side of his neck once more, making him look at him again. He smiles, reassuringly, closing the space between them, brushing the word “beautiful” against swollen pink lips before taking them between his.

They make out more, grinding and moaning against each other, roaming hands still at work.

Mark moves forward, taking Seán backward to the bed, sitting him on the edge of the bed before pulling apart to take his own shirt off now. Once the garment is thrown to the side he’s bending down again, attaching his mouth to Seán’s throat, “move back” he tells him as he starts to crawl in the bed, straddling him, and Seán goes without complaint, head hitting the pillow with a groan as Mark keeps the kisses coming.

He kisses down all over his chest, down to his navel, gripping his hips to keep him in place as he mouths at his still cover groin. And then he’s back to his mouth, knee between his legs, putting pressure upward as he grinds down.

He works on the button of his jeans as quickly as he can, with nails digging into his back and scalp.

A mantra of “fuck”s streaming out of the Irishman’s mouth as he’s finally released from the prison that is his pants, his back arching beautifully upwards on the mattress as Mark’s mouth is on the inside of his thighs sucking hickeys, whispering sweet compliments Seán no longer hears, to lost on ecstasy.

He’s a complete wreck, panting and swearing, moaning even as Mark gets off of him to get the lube and condom and removes his own pants.

He settles between his legs then, lifting them up and pulling the boxer briefs off. He holds the back of his knees on each of his shoulders, laying on his stomach to trace his tongue over his balls.

Seán takes a sharp breath in, not expecting that but Mark does it again and he groans this time.

“Do you want me to stop, beautiful?”

He can hear the smirk on his voice and he wants to curse the bastard off but his thoughts are cut short by a sharp bite to his hips, he lifts his head up just in time to see Mark stick his tongue out and lick the tip of his dick clean of precum. He sinks down taking just the head in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before pulling back off with a pop. Seán is back down against the mattress, eyes shut tight and a death grip on the sheets to each side of his body.

Mark is working his tongue against his body again, humming, he probes around his asshole and Seán hisses, “I can stop if you…”

“don’t yeh fucking dare” he warns, grinding down and Mark huffs before slowly pushing his tongue in.

Seán screams, hands flying to Mark’s hair and tugging on it hard.

Mark moans moving his tongue deeper inside of him, his hands gripping his asscheeks, pulling them apart for more access, the tip of his thumbs occasionally probing in.

Seán is a trembling mess, thrusting, fucking himself with Mark’s tongue, sobbing and then Mark is back up on his neck, his tongue being replaced by two fingers at once, and if it hurt Seán didn’t show it.

“fuck, fuck, Mark, oh God, fuck that’s enough, fuck me please, fuck, I'm ready, fuck, I'm gonna cum if yeh don’t fuck me now, Mark, please, please, please, fuuuck”

Mark moves around, groping for the condom and lube on the bed, the thud against wood lets them know they're on the floor now

“fuck it, fuck me, Mark please, forget it just,” he sobs, gripping the head of his dick, “I’m gonna cum, just fucking do it, please”

Mark nods quickly, still spitting a good amount of saliva on the palm of his hand and spreading it on himself before pushing his length inside of him.

He wants to be gentle, being the first time they fuck raw but Seán has no patience for it and is thrusting back hard almost immediately, the grip on his penis tighter, holding his orgasm at bay.

Mark groans, his movements fast and erratic, and he starts babbling. “Fuck Seán, you’re so fucking beautiful, oh God, so fucking tight, fuck, look at you, so beautiful taking my cock, look at your face, fuck, you’re so beautiful, so fucking beautiful, do you believe me? Seán, you’re beautiful” Seán nods frantically, sobbing, his whole body trembling, “cum baby, cum for me, let me see your beautiful face”

And Seán is releasing his cock and cumming like a fountain on his own hand and stomach, Mark’s name on his lips as he does.

Mark keeps thrusting inside of him through his orgasms, still telling him how beautiful he is, being held tighter by his clenched asshole, and then Seán opens his eyes and looks at him with hooded eyes, pupils blown wide, and he’s coming inside of him. His arms shake and he lets himself fall, kissing his lover for the hundredth time, never getting tired of it.

They both breath harshly, Mark still deep inside of Seán, laughing as he kisses the side of his face and rests his forehead on Seán’s shoulder. “That was, fuck” he shakes his head, grinning, “That was, just, fucking great”.

A few drops of something touch his cheek and he would have been ok with it, as exhausted as he was, if it had been just sweat but the shaking and sobs to come with the drips tell him otherwise.

He musters all the strength he has left and lifts himself to look at the crying Irishman underneath him, “Seán? What’s wrong?” -silence- “Talk to me baby, please. Fuck, did-did I hurt you?”

Seán shakes his head, bringing a hand up to his face, wiping the tears and sweat away, “no, it’s not yeh, yeh did nothing wrong, that was amazing”

“Then what’s the problem, beautiful?”

“That!” he chuckles humorlessly, moving his head, burring his face to the pillow, “maybe it was the heat of the moment, but fer a second there I believed yeh”

“That’s because it is true”, Mark says kissing his cheek and sighs, defeated, going back to resting his head on his shoulder. He’s silent for a moment, and Seán thinks that’s the end of that, but then Mark is mumbling things against his skin. “I love you so much Seán, I love every single thing about you, every single thing you hate, that’s my favorite thing” he lifts his head again with a faltering smile, finding the Irishman listening attentively to everything he has to say, letting new tears freely run down his face. Mark brings a hand to his face, moving hair off his forehead, before kissing it. “You are beautiful, and if I have to tell you a million times more, I will. I will tell you 'you’re beautiful' until you get tired of hearing it, then, then I’m gonna keep telling you until you believe it”

Seán shakes his head, the corner of his mouth pulling upwards a bit “ye’re gonna be at it fer a while then”

“I’m ok with that”, Mark grins, pressing a loud kiss to his lips, “I will keep telling you then and even when I’m sure you already know it, I will keep reminding you so you never forget. You are beautiful, Seán, inside and out, and I love you so fucking much”. He keeps smacking his lips all over his face loudly until the man is a giggling mess.

“Alright, alright, jaysus, I get it” he laughs but doesn’t even make an effort to stop him. Then, “so, um, speaking of insides…”

“I’m never pulling out if that’s what you’re about to ask” Mark informs him, already settling back down to lay on his chest, “I live in you now”

Seán huffs, wrapping his arms around the log on top of him, “I wouldn’t have it any other way”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle the fuckle up, we're not done here!


	36. Exceed and Provoke*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _~~"Dejame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro~~ _   
>  _~~Hasta provocar tus gritos~~ _   
>  _~~Y que olvides tu apellido"~~ _   
>  _"Let me exceed your danger zones_   
>  _Until I provoke your screams_   
>  _And you forget your last name"_   
>  **~Despacito - Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee~**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ..I know it's a meme song but, back off haters, it's a good song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Hi. How you've been?  
> Look, I know it's been a while, and I'm not gonna give you excuses. I fucked up, I know. I'll take full responsibility for that.  
> But this monster of a fic is finally making its way to a conclusion and I am so happy some of you are still here for the ride.
> 
> I just hope this serves as an apology and you don't hate me that much for leaving you hanging.

Unfortunately, Mark cannot live inside of Seán as he had previously planned, not inside his ass at least. 

So, they separate, bodies cover in sweat despite the room being a nice cool temperature and move their adventures to the bathroom where Mark continues to praise the Irishman some minutes after their first encounter on the bed. 

They settle against the porcelain walls of the Victorian style bathtub, warm water covering their still sensitive bodies, and Mark takes full advantage of it all. 

He pushes his fingers into Seán’s entrance –to clean him, he says—, but keeps thrusting them inside him way past that. They share breaths and hot kisses, overstimulation taking over as Seán comes undone for the second time that day.

They sleep after that. Seán is exhausted, and practically passes out the second his body touches the mattress once again. They wrap around each other and sleep for a good two hours.

A text from his mom wakes Seán up then. She lets him know she’ll be home soon and asks for them to be decent and ready to help with Christmas dinner by the time she gets back. Gives them about 30 to 40 minutes.

Plenty of time.

He kisses between the American’s shoulder blades, the back of his neck, behind his ear, hands moving against his chest as he cuddles closer. 

It’s not long before Mark stirs, a lazy smile and a mumbled ‘good morning’ on his lips.

“It’s 1, now” Seán clarifies, amusement on his voice, and Mark turns his face to have a better look, grabbing the hand on his chest and bringing it to his lips for a quick kiss. 

“good afternoon then,” he croaks, voice rough still laced with sleep, “how are you feeling?”

There’s a tiny shiver running up his spine, and Seán shakes his head at the sensation, mildly surprised to have such a reaction by just his voice, but then again not really. He leans closer up to connect their lips in a slow kiss, throwing all doubt to the wind at the same time as he throws his leg over his hips, straddling him. “Amazing,” he grins from the new position, “a little sore, but it’s the good kind of sore, y’know?”

“the good kind of sore?” Mark muses, watching the slim body now sitting pretty on his lap, his hands coming up to rub the milky white thighs on each side of him.

Seán nods and smiles mischievously, leaning down to rests his elbows on each side of Mark’s head, hands immediately tangled in his hair as he tugs a little to get a better access to his neck. “The kind you get after your boyfriend fucks you raw hard into the mattress, that kind of sore, you know”

He practically purrs the words in his ear, tongue out to trace down to his neck, kissing and nipping there.

“I don’t know, actually” Mark half laughs, half moans, hands gripping hard on his thighs. Sometimes he forgets his boyfriend doesn’t really have a filter.. not that he’s complaining, to be honest, he kinda liked it.

“would you like to?”

Mark’s breath hitches in his throat for a moment and he’s not entirely sure if it’s because of the mouth on his neck, the implications of the question, or both. 

Did he want to? It's not like Mark was inexperienced in that area, a finger had been in him once or twice before, mostly by past girlfriend’s that were into that kinda thing during oral, but never by him, never by another man... never a whole real dick.

But that was it, this wasn’t any other man, this was his boyfriend, his beautiful Seán, and he knew Seán’s dick, he’s had it in his hands and in his mouth plenty of times in the past two weeks. Seán wasn’t huge, but he wasn’t small either, not as girthy as his own, but a nice length, it felt good against his tongue not too overwhelming, but did he wanted in his ass?

He was putting too much thought into it, he knew he was. It should be simple. He loved Seán, he loved the sounds and faces he made when they were together, he loved how it felt to be inside of him. He could try it, couldn't he? Seán seemed to enjoy it, maybe he would too. Wouldn’t really know if he never tried.

On the other hand; Seán could feel the tension rolling off of Mark in waves, his own nerves going crazy. Had he gone too far? Mark hadn’t even realized he had sat up again, not kissing him anymore.

He tapped two fingers on his cheek, snapping Mark out his head, and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, that was too much, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to”

Mark closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he leaned into the hand still cupping his face. He opened his eyes again slowly and nodded, “I want to. I really want to”

Seán watched him with wide eyes, “are you sure?” Mark nodded again, a small ‘please’ escaping his lips and he had to swallow down hard, “a-alright, ok, yeah, I-I can do that”

Mark smiled, eyes hooded as he looks up at the beautiful blue of his eyes, “can you tell me? Can you tell me what you’re gonna do to me?”

“Well, first…” first he had to calm the fuck down, his heart beating way too fast. Mark actually wanted this, and he had to be there for him just like he had done for him their first time. He breathed deeply, leaning down to capture his lips in a gentle kiss. “first, I’m gonna help you relax” and maybe that was for himself too.

Mark nodded, letting himself be kissed, slowly, softly, gently. There was no fight, no tongue, just Seán’s lips and his hand still on his cheek anchoring him in the moment. He could do this.

They kissed like that for a few minutes before the initial nerves calm down, and now there was a bit of more hunger, a bit more passion, a lot more groping and groaning.

Hands move down his body and slowly work on his hardening erection, Seán kisses his neck and his back arches off the bed with a moan. He feels the grin on his skin and the nip to his ear as he presses down on that prominent vein under the head, ripping another moan from him.

He kisses his neck, over and over again, hand still stroking him in that same agonizingly pace and he whispers against the skin there. ”Now, this is the part where I prep you,” he waits for a second for Mark to process what he’s saying feeling him groan and nod, ”but, if ye’re scared or nervous, you could do it yerself, I wouldn’t mind”

”is that why, mmmm, why you prepped yourself? You were nervous?”

”Scared” Seán confesses, recalling their first time together back at his apartment, only a few days ago. ”it was, a big step fer us, fer me, I needed to be sure I was ready for it”

Mark’s eyes are closed, lip between his teeth as Seán still touches him slowly, but he nods regardless letting him know he’s listening. ”I wouldn’t have done anything you didn’t want me to” he manages to mumble out between groans

”I know,” and he does, ”it felt different when you did it though, yeh know”.

”how?”

”fucking amazing” he grins, lifting his head from his hiding spot to watch Mark’s face as he runs his thumb against the dripping slit of his penis.

Mark shudders and licks his lips, nodding ”yeah?”

”I could feel every single thing yeh did,” he tells him, hand picking up a bit of speed. ”you’re fingers, moving inside of me, bending, opening me up for yer cock”

”Fuck!” Mark moans, arching his back, panting, ”please Seán”

”Please what, baby? Yeh have to be a bit more specific than that”

Mark surges forward, tangling his hands in the messy green hair and pulling the Irishman down to capture his lips in a desperate kiss. ”Fuck me,” he groans between kisses, ”please Seán I want that. I want to feel you inside of me, please, please, please, please”

”fuck, yeah, ok, I got you baby” hearing Mark begging for him was doing things to him he never thought of, he liked it, he liked it a lot and he was going to give his boyfriend what he wanted. ”I got you” he murmured, swallowing the whine he got back as his hand came to a stop.

He didn’t have to go far to get the lube this time around, having had picked it up from the floor where it had fallen before, now sitting pretty on the nightstand waiting to be of use.

He spread generously on both hands, and then went back to Mark’s dick, the man practically screaming at the new slick feeling.

The other hand went lower, between his legs to his puckered asshole. He watched Mark carefully, rubbing circles at his entrance, his eyes shut and eyebrows knit closed as he pushes his index finger in.

He watches Mark’s mouth falls open in a pretty little ’o’, and waits for him to get familiar with the intrusion. He distracts him with kisses, and when he feels Mark get desperate, the hand on his dick picks up a bit of speed. 

He moves his finger slow and deliberate inside of him. He drives him insane, takes him close and then brings him down. He waits for the curses, waits for him to calm down a bit, breathing hard, and then he adds another finger, repeating the same process until there are three fingers inside him.

”ye’re doing so good, mo grá” he praises and Mark sobs against his mouth, feeling empty as the fingers are removed, ”I’ll give yeh what yeh want in a second, baby don’t worry”

Mark watches him sit up on his knees and put on a condom, closing his eyes and groaning as he strokes himself with the lubed hand. He bites his lips, watching those blue eyes rake all over his sweaty naked body until they met his again and Mark beckons him to bend down and meet his lips once more.

They kiss, softly again, and Mark feels his heart relax, somehow, no longer feeling nervous or scared. It’s not lusting anymore, he truly does want this.

He feels Seán align himself, the head of his penis by his entrance, and he nods answering an unasked question.

It’s slow and wonderful. A bit uncomfortable but not painful or unwanted.

Seán kisses him again and they both moan into each other’s mouth as he reaches the tilt.

He waits there, patiently, kissing him, praising him, until Mark lets him know he’s ready.

He moves, so very carefully, a small roll of the hips and Mark whimpers asking for more. 

Seán fulfills, keeping his thrust slow and shallow.

Mark moans and scratches at his back and Seán wants to take his time, he does, but Mark keeps telling him how good it feels and it’s hard to keep up with the current pace.

He finds his prostate, and this time Mark does scream, and Seán no longer holds back thrusting hard and fast after that, just like he asks.

Mark comes first, the friction between their bodies providing that extra push, and he arches his back and scream’s his boyfriend’s name.

Seán follows immediately, the mere look on Mark’s face as he falls apart under him being enough to push him over the edge.

They ride the high together, sweaty and out of breath, clumsily kissing and giggling like school girls.

“So,” Mark huffs, still trying to catch his breath, “I think I know what you meant now”

Seán stares at him, and then he laughs, letting his body collapse on top of him, “I fucking love yeh, yeh big idiot”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't promise a timely update, but I'll promise to try better. Ok?


	37. Holiday Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Oh, you're my love (my love)_  
>  You're the joy (the joy)  
> In my Holiday song  
> And when you smile  
> I can't breathe  
> Can't believe that you're mine"  
>  **~Every Day is Christmas - SIA~**
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I don't know, man. I gave up on these song titles/summaries a long time ago. Like, there used to be some thought into this before. Now? eh, not so much.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick warning.. there's a bit of poop talk on this one. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Seán kisses him slowly before removing himself, and he disappears from the room in a blink of Mark’s eyes.

He feels dazed, and a bit sore, but so, so content.

The Irishman takes care of him while he mumbles nonsense and then he’s kissing him again with a smile on his lips.

“how are yeh feeling?”

Mark opens his eyes –when had he closed them? — and squints at him in confusion, “I thought that's what I was telling you”

Seán grins at that, “all yeh were saying was ’good, so good’ over and over again, I wasn’t sure if yeh meant the sex or the cleaning or what”

“Everything,” he says with a loopy smile, and closes his eyes again, “I’m full, I mean, I’m not anymore, but I feel full, in here”

He closes a fist over his chest and hears his boyfriend laugh, “ye’re a sap”. He feels a kiss to his forehead and the weight on the bed shift, “but seriously, how are you really feeling?”

He searches for where the voice is coming from and finds him on the floor by their bags, he tilts his head confused, watching his boy dig around for clothes, “I’m a little sore, and wouldn’t mind going back to sleep right about now, but other than that I’m really fucking good,” then he frowns, “what are you doing?”

“Getting ready for dinner,” Mark swears, having forgotten the day and time and the plans they had, and Seán chuckles at that, “it’s fine babe, you rest, I’ll just tell them ye’re still recovering… I mean, it’s technically still true”

“Nah, I’ll get ready now”

Seán watched him sit up and chortles as he saw his expression change, “yeh need to use the bathroom?”

Mark nods slowly, a look of concern on his face, “does this happen every time?”

“no, we didn’t exactly prepare you right it’s all, but chances are ye’re not even going to do anything, it just feels like yeh need to”

“prepare? But I thought you had, do you need to do more?”

“Well, no, in this particular case, I don’t need to, you do.. or rather, the person receiving does” he finishes fixing his shirt over his torso and walks over to sit next him, squeezing his naked thighs as he does, “it’s not something that you absolutely have to do, but I found out than when receiving anal it’s best to make sure ye’re clean beforehand. Nobody really talks about it, it's not exactly sexy, but to people like us that had previously only been in the delivering end of the action, rather than receiving it, it’s all new and confusing. I mean, I get it, nobody wants to tell their partner that there’s a possibility they're gonna touch shit, or end up with a bit of it on their dick, but they don’t want to explain either what they do to prevent that from happening in the first place”

Mark looked, petrified, to say the least, “how do you know all this?”

“Oh, well, yeh see. I’ve kinda explored my own body fer a bit now,” he can feel his whole face heat up, and at Mark’s raised eyebrow he clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck, glaring intensely at the floor, “I.. have.. I have a toy, ok?”

Mark smirks then, completely pushing the poop-dick conversation to the back of his mind for now. “You have a toy?”

Seán pats his thighs and quickly gets up, “well, would yeh look at the time, yeh better hurry now, I’m sure me mom’s already wondering what’s taking us so long”

“what kind of toy?”

“fock sake, Mark, does it matter?” Mark nods, with that signature shit-eating grin of his on his lips, and Seán’s face couldn’t possibly get any redder, “it’s a dildo, ok, it got about 5” of usable length and looks like any regular silicon penis except it’s red”

“red, huh?” and the Irishman promptly tells him to shut up, “why hadn’t you told me about this before?”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t know how to bring it up in casual conversation, like what was I supposed to say, _‘hey, by the way, I’ve been jumping on a bright red dildo while thinking of you for the past 4 months, hope yeh don’t mind’_ ”

“yes, that’s exactly what you were supposed to say,” Mark stands up then and Seán is very much aware of how completely naked he still is, his soft dick giving a small twitch as he stalks towards him, raking his eyes all over the Irishman, “I would have loved to know this information before”

“and why is that?”

Mark is by him now, hooking his fingers on the belt loops of his jeans, pulling him closer, “it just seems like a pretty thing, to see you fall apart on a toy while I watch, would you let me?”

“God, Mark, why are yeh doing this to me now?!” he whines, feeling Mark scrap his teeth across his shoulder, “of course, I would let yeh watch, I would let yeh fuck me silly with it yerself if yeh wanted to”

“I do, I do, I want to so bad”

Mark kisses him, rough and needy, while desperately working on the button on his jeans, and Seán has to raise a hand to his chest, putting pressure and pushing him away, “God, Mark, please, just. Stop for a second babe, stop”

Mark looks into his blue eyes, just now realizing what he was doing and he quickly steps back with wide eyes, “oh my God, Seán, I am sorry, I-I don’t know what came over me, I swear, I just.. I’m an idiot, I’m sorry”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok, it’s fine, I promise” he caresses his cheek and Mark closes his eyes leaning into the touch, whispering apologies, “it’s ok, babe, yeh did nothing wrong I assure you, I would love to go a fourth time with yeh today, I really fucking would, but we can’t, not now”

“I know, I’m sorry, I was thinking with my dick, it’s just the thought of you and.. fuck, I really wanna see that now”

“Tell you what love, when I get back home, I’ll take our friend out and give yeh a call so yeh two can meet, huh? How does that sound?”

The image of Seán naked in his recording room, bouncing on a dildo in front of his camera, just for him to see did nothing to calm his raging nerves, and he groans, shutting his eyes as he nods. Seán kisses him, and he kisses back immediately, wiling his heart to calm down, “I should, um, I should take a cold shower now, I think”

Seán smiles, and gives him one last kiss before separating, “I’ll wait fer you”

“no, no, you should head to your parent’s, I won’t be long”

“ye’re gonna masturbate, aren’t yeh?”

“yeah, probably”

“Alright,” he laughs, “I’ll go, but I’ll miss yeh so hurry”

“of course,” Mark pecks his cheek and turns to leave, stopping by the door before disappearing out of view completely, “hey. I love you, so damn much”

“I love you too, babe”

**˅˄**

The first thing Mark noticed once he made it to the cabin next door was the lack of Seán around. The second thing he noticed, after being told the boy was in the bathroom, was how much brighter his eyes looked with the new darker hair color.

“what do yeh think? Does it look good?”

Mark’s first response was to kiss him. Then he mumbled a compliment against his lips and kissed him again.

Someone coughs, and the third thing he notices is the older woman in the small room with them.

Aileen gives her son the towel she was holding, and it’s not until that moment that Mark notices how wet the newly brown hair is. She reminds them to not do anything in her bathroom, mostly because they only had one, and she pats Mark’s shoulder with a smile on her way out. Seán falls into a fit of giggles and they follow behind her quickly after.

It’s warm –the atmosphere, the love— and Mark find he likes it a lot. They’re loud, and the word 'cunt' is thrown around a lot more than he’s used to, but it reminds him of his own family in a strange way.

After a delicious fulfilling proper Irish Holiday dinner, they sit around on the living room floor by the fire and the Christmas tree. Seán is drinking some hot alcoholic concoction him and Simon made, and Mark is drinking the clean version of it, it’s bitter and sweet and orangey and it makes Seán giggle.

“would yeh get drunk if I kiss yeh?”

“I don’t think that’s how that works”

Seán kisses him anyway, and in the background, already drunk himself, Simon hollers.

It’s close to midnight when they make it back to their borrowed cabin and the Irishman argues he’s not inebriated, Mark disagrees but still kisses him as they dance in the middle of the room to no music.

“Can I give you my Christmas gift now?” It’s eight past 12 then, and he brings a small white box out from his cardigan’s pocket. “I found this shop when we went to get the Christmas decorations and I just… I don’t know, know that I think about it might’ve been a dumb idea”

“nooo” Seán whines then he bounces excitedly, like a small child on, well.. Christmas morning. “show me, show me, show me”

He opens the box, towards himself, and with the utmost care removes its content. A tiny rough cut –druzy— gemstone edged in gold, delicately hanging from a thin gold chain.

“Mark… I…” Seán chokes on his words, tears threatening to fall, “I-I don’t know what to say, it’s beautiful”

He helps him fasten it around his neck and fixes it over his shirt. “I got the longer chain so you can hide it if you don’t want anyone to see you wearing it, not that you have to, I mean, that’s fine too”

Seán tells him to shut up before kissing him hard, tears running free now.

“It’s rose quartz,” he explains, kissing his forehead and cleaning his wet cheeks, “the girl that sold it to me said a bunch of fancy words I didn’t understand, and I don’t really believe in all that crystal crap but she said this one is for love, creativity, and healing, and I thought… I thought it suited you”

“this is hilarious, really” Seán giggles, pulling a small paper baggy from his pocket too, “because I also got yeh crystals”

It’s a bead bracelet, and the Irishman has the need to point out how much more insignificant than the beautiful chain is, and Mark shuts him up in the same matter he had done before. It has two different beads –some white and gray, and others translucent— tide together in a gray adjustable thread.  
Mark puts it on and examines it closely, “what are these for?”

“Oh, I have a card!” he digs in his wallet and pulls out a business card, with all the different stones and their properties behind it, “howlite and moonstone; sleep, calm, clarity, and growth”

Mark thinks that’s fitting, God knows he won’t be able to sleep well again without his boyfriend. He embraces him again, instead, keeping his thoughts to himself.

They go to bed with heavy limbs but neither can sleep, and sooner than they expect Mark’s alarm is going off. It’s 2:20 am, and if he wants to make it to the airport in time he needs to leave by at least 2:50 am, he’s not concerned though, his bags were made the day before and all he had to do now was change clothes and say goodbye.

Ok. That second part could be easier said than done.

Seán sits in bed, silently playing with the rock around his neck, tears already ruining his pretty face.

And Mark kisses him, he kisses his cheeks, his nose, his forehead and his lips. He kisses his neck, behind his ears, and his throat. And Seán holds him.

“I love you, _hwalyeohan_. I love you so much”

“you won’t forget me, will you?”

“Never”

“promise?”

“Promise”

“I’ll be back, beautiful, I’ll-I’ll call you when I get home, and we can video chat whenever you want, and.. fuck. I’m gonna miss you so much”

They kiss again, and Seán holds him to his promise as he watches him pack his things in the rental car.

What now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some references used..  
> -[The Drink](https://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/drinks/g13451596/alcoholic-hot-chocolate-drink-recipes/?slide=4) in case you're interested.. I sure am.
> 
> -[Jack's gift](https://www.etsy.com/listing/501800638/tiny-round-druzy-pendant-necklace-gold?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=crystals&ref=sr_gallery-1-39&ep_click=1&more_colors=1)
> 
> -[Mark's gift](https://www.etsy.com/listing/575278228/white-howlite-gemstone-white-marble?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=crystal%20bracelet&ref=sr_gallery-1-18)
> 
> -[Gemstone Properties ](https://kuratifmala.com/blogs/news/gemstone-healing-properties)

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING!
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://taterztots.tumblr.com)


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